Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Zac Attack!!

The newly-arrived Wonder Twin(k)s ® are wasting no time in complicating things for Oakdale's Alpha Gay Couple, eh?

After raping Noah's face with his eyes for a solid five minutes last week, Zac takes things to the next level today by ... well, by actually raping Noah's face. How will Mr. Mayer respond, and what will it have to do with the price of tea in Malta?

To find out, follow along below, refreshing often for breaking updates! 

Bring on the Zacs!

2:05PM EDT: Luke is drinking coffee and laptopping away in Al's when Noah comes in, earning a lingering look from Officer Hotsytots, who's standing outside. Uh, what if someone on the Al's staff is working for Damian and they dump a pot of hot joe in his lap? We already know that Vienna's unborn spawn can't be trusted...

Luke is doing some online banking with the Foundation funds and gets a bit worried when the bank accounts are frozen. He calls Lily (who's at the hospital with Lady D) and tells her that the bank is looking into it, but he thinks that Papa Damian is behind the attempted hack of the fundage. Lily goes into Damian's room to confront him, but his bed is empty.

Elsewhere we've got some Paul/Meg/Holden/Dusty stuff going on today, meaning I'm gonna have a lot of free time on my hands. 

2:16PM EDT: Paul crazytalk Lucy blackmail blah blah. Bring on the Zany Z's! 

Luke is on the phone with Lily, and he finds out that Damian jumped ship. She's going to track him down while Luke does the online banking. Luke tells Noah that Damian broke out of the Vicodin ward to hack into the accounts but Noah isn't buying it.

Yay, Twins!

Zac and Zoe pop up and Zac wastes no time in telling Noah that he's there to "serve his needs" and asks him to "order him around." Luke wastes no time telling these creepy complete strangers about the hacking situation and then runs off to help his mom, telling Noah that he's leaving him "in good hands". Wait, is this really the same Luke who spazzed out every time Ameera or Maddie was within 100 yards of his boyfriend but is now leaving him goalposted by Oakdale's version of the Hilton sisters? K, just checking.

2:26PM EDT: Lily finds Damian at the hotel and attacks him for leaving the hospital early. He asks if she's worried about him and she asks him if he happens to know about the banking account situation. Damian says that the world has changed since the last time he was in town and so has he. He loves his live gay son! He wonders aloud why Luke won't trust him and he starts to sweat a bit. He tries to make a dramatic exit but he winces when he stands up and Lily shouts, rather loudly, "You're - you're BLEEDING!"

Was she trying to cue someone offscreen or something? Anyway, she walks him upstairs.

Noah Googles away, and finds a screenname that doesn't match and thinks it's a hacker who tried to get into the foundation. Zac hops on the computer, assuring him that he's good at this. Within a second he's crashed Noah's computer, and they've lost the name that might be the key to finding out who the hacker might be. Nope, nothing suspicious there! 

Meanwhile, Zoe has run off for pecan pie, reminding me of my favorite line from When Harry Met Sally.

And meanwhile meanwhile, shirtless Damian! Luke of course walks in while he's shirtless and Lily's tending his wound and jumps to the wrong conclusion. "Mamma mia dassa spicey biodad!"

2:28PM EDT: So did someone give Paul a note to say his lines faster or something? It's starting to sound like an old Speed Racer cartoon up in this joint.

2:38PM EDT: Luke is incensed to see his mom giving treatment to his nipple. I mean, birth father. He throws a Grade-A temper tantrum and runs out of the room, knocking over several invisible candy bowls on the way out. Lily goes after him.

Zoe calls Zac clueless when it comes to computers and storms off. Zac tells Noah that she'll forget the whole thing in about three seconds, and that they're both impulsive and act on anything they feel like. Right on cue, he leans over and lays a wet one on Noah, then asks, "was it as good for you as it was for Z?" I'm officially changing my name to something beginning with Z so that I can go out of my way to never use that line, ever. 

Meg tells Paul she'll give up Dusty for him, but I'm distracted by the weird clanging noises in the background ... is someone breaking into the brandy decanter a few feet away or is that the soundtrack? 

2:48PM EDT: Paul Meg blah blah ... although se does take her clothes off for no apparent reason and manage not to laugh when doing so. "Don't humiliate me like this" ... was she talking to Paul or the writers? He kicks her naked ass out the door. Denied!

Back at the Pad, Holden and Lily catch up on the Meg drama. Wait, did she not catch Luke? He's quite a scrambler when he's in a huff! Lily explains how she got Damian to take his clothes off for her Holden of course gets all Alpha Dad, accusing her of "putting her hands all over him" and says that he's sure that Luke didn't like what he saw. Make that one of us!

Zac asks Noah if he's never been kissed before, and of course Luke shows up at that moment. He asks what's going on and Zac says that they had a computer problem. Luke is at least visibly befuddled by their continued presence, so maybe the sight of his puttanesca papa has lifted the veil of idiocy from his eyes.

The ZZ Twins take off and Noah tells Luke that Zac face-raped him and Luke laughs, but then looks a bit concerned just in time for the commercial break. 

2:56PM EDT: Luke says that he can't believed his laptop crashed and when Noah (trailing behind him like a puppy) says that it was Zac's fault, Luke quips that he can't blame Zac for everything. Luke says he wishes that this day hadn't happened. Between the spicy meatball in the hotel room and Zac messing with Noah, he's a bit put out. Luke says that he's gonna kill Zac for ruining his computer, and kill Damian for messing with his moms.

Over at the hotel, the ZZ Twins are sharing froofy drinks when Damian comes in, and when they recognize him they run up to him and Zac says, "You're a monster, and not the good kind ... you're a BAAD monster!" and run off, giggling. And this scene was brought to you by Maurice Sendak. 

Okay, so we now can pretty much assume that the twins aren't working for Damian. So who ARE they working for? My money's on Hotprechaun!

Preview Time: Nada. But we'll be back later this week with more!