Liveblogging the Emmys

That's right, folks: I've got one leg on board the Good Ship AfterElton.com and the other on my couch as I attempt to provide some long-overdue perspective on the high-fashion feeding frenzy that is The Emmy Awards. We've got two out gay actors up for major awards (T.R. Knight and Neil Patrick Harris, of for supporting actor awards in drama and comedy) and hey -- it's the Emmys. The combo of live television, overzealous correspondents and double-sided tape is magic-making.

To join the fun, just click through the jump and refresh often to get the latest updates. (And if you join late, just start at the bottom so as not to miss a moment!) Throw on your best bowtie and enjoy!

11:12PM EDT: Helen Mirren gives the final award of the night to The Sopranos. They show the last moments of the series as the clip. Fitting close for the series. And really, our favorite needy interns will be back next year to win again.

And that was it. The show was blissfully low in the Seacrest factor for the last hour or so, and overall it wasn't all bad. I ate a whole bag of hazelnut creme wafer cookies and feel like I was just at a Tony Bennett tribute, but other than that I can't complain.

The "Gay Witch Hunt" Office episode, The Amazing Race and Sally Field and America Ferrera aside, not many gay-significant wins. Ugly Betty didn't walk away with much, nor did any of the out actors. Interesting that the biggest gay mentions of the night came from Tina Fey and Ryan Seacrest!

See you tomorrow!

11:05PM EDT: There was a commercial with Tim Gunn and Martha and Alexis Stewart for Macy's. It's kind of cute.

30 Rock wins best comedy, which is disappointing for us Ugly Betty fans. But it's a very gay-friendly win. In the clip they show, Tina Fey notes that "just because she thinks that gay guys should be allowed to adopt kids .. doesn't mean she doesn't love America". And then in her speech, she thanks the "parents, childs, spouse and gay partner" of every person that works on the show. Hey -- the woman that created "Gays in Space" did us a solid. Not bad.

10:57PM EDT: James Spader won for Boston Legal. But honestly, Kate Walsh's hair is seriously all I can think about. He complains about his bad seats. Good for him.

10:53PM EDT: America Ferrera just won best actress in a comedy series for Ugly Betty. She is so classy and well-spoken and beautiful.

10:43PM EDT: Outstanding lead actress in a drama (Minnie Driver, please!) is presented by Felicity Huffman and House MD. Whaddaya know, it goes to Sally Field for Brothers & Sisters and the announcer notes that she won her first Emmy for Sybill. HOT. She thanks Greg Berlanti, among others.

Sally gives a great speech and then, without warning, they cut to a different angle during her speech and the audio cuts out again!!! Wow. Despite the fact that the writing has been pretty funny and the guests rather unhinged, this show has been a mess. (UPDATE: It's been suggested that Fox used their delay to cut away from Sally when she criticized the war. Could very well be. So wait -- was Ray Romano criticising the war, too?)

They do the Organ Grinder of Death, and Charles Nelson Reilly is in there. Atta guy.

...And so is Merv Griffin. And they make a point of using a clip of him interviewing a very young and very frightened-looking Tom Cruise. Was that from the Merv Griffin Chickenhawk Hour?

10:32PM EDT: Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart took the stage. Colbert has a leaf blower and when Stewart tries to get him to go green, Colbert notes, "If entertainers stop publicly acknowledging each other, then the earth wins".

They give lead actor in a comedy series to (Colbert mispronounces Carell's name). Wow -- Ricky Gervais wins for Extras, and he's NOT THERE. Stewart says that they're giving the award to their friend Steve Carell instead. Carell rushes the stage and the three jump around and scream like girls. We so need more of these men.

10:20PM EDT: Ryan Seacrest comes out wearing a costume from The Tudors and notes, "You know, this looked a lot less gay on the rack", then asks if he can keep it. Wayne Brady, wearing Neil Patrick Harris's outfit, comes on to present best reality competition. He's actually quite funny. Hey, remember what it's like when they actually hire comedians to host these things? Who are, like, professionally funny? He calls up Kanye West and Rainn Wilson to present the award and do a musical competition of the songs of Kanye West. West gets disqualified for pronouncing "ya" as "you". Rainn wins and kanye mourns, "I never win".
Idol is nominated -- drink!

The Amazing Race wins.

10:10PM EDT: Masi Oka was on the cover of Time Magazine at age 12?!

Tom from myspace just presented the first ever award for interactive programming. Is he gay? He should be -- he's everybody's friend!

Anyway, Al Gore won for his Internet video site -- I don't know what it's called. Oldspace or something.
Brad Garett and Joely Fisher are on to present and Brad has already made two really gross comments about her boobs and -- wait, three. And then they said nipple. And a Senator Craig joke! Wow -- these guys are class.

They're here to give the award for best performance in a variety show, which is pretty much my favorite category for nominees ... until Tony Bennett wins. Over Ellen, Colbert, Jon Stewart... really? He started by talking about how he likes shopping at Target, from what I can tell, but then thanked his family members, which was sweet. Tony's having a pretty big night, and before just now I didn't even know there was a special about him at all.

Anthony Anderson and Teri Hatcher have a funny bit about being up for the same roles. They give the guest actor awards, and the winners were Stanley Tucci and Elaine Stritch. Are you kidding? Over Judith Light's incredible performance on Ugly Betty? Alright, Stritch just won the best moment of the night by going up on her line and said "i'm not faking this, I really don't know what the hell I'm doing" She's awesome. And Tucci looks hot, sorry.

Richard Shepard wins for directing the Ugly Betty pilot.

Writing of a comedy episode goes to The Office's "Gay Witch Hunt" episode. Greg Daniels was the writer.

9:59PM EDT: Sally Field and Patrick Dempsey presented Helen Mirren with her Emmy for Prime Suspect: The Final Act. She is still nominated for best actress in rows K-R, best actress over 50 in a cleavage-exposing dress, and best actress in a sequel to National Treasure. She made a joke about how the music was no doubt going to cut her off, then it of course totally didn't - even the producers were seduced.

I generally am shocked when Lewis Black begins a rant, because I can't figure out why he's yelling at me. But then he always winds up making sense and being quite funny, so I don't mind. Ryan Seacrest makes a joke about Black needing Valium. Was that a Paula Abdul reference? Drink!

He then calls the guy from Cold Case "hot". Well, he's certainly not wrong.

The award for directing of a miniseries (drama) goes to Philip Martin for Prime Suspect. And then Prime Suspect wins for best writing. Can Helen Mirren please just touch me so that I can win the lottery or something?

9:42PM EDT: Oop -- the Bathroom Break guy just showed a clip of Jerry Lewis and made an American Idol mention -- double shots!

Glenn Close, Kyra Sedgwick, and Mary-Louise Parker took the stage to give the best miniseries award to Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. Good for them, but more importantly: What in God's name has Glenn Close been doing for exercise?! What, was she in prison or something? She's HUGE! If they were to refilm Fatal Attraction now, she would snap Michael Douglas in half.

The Frankie Valli clones from The Jersey Boys are doing a bunch of songs as tribute to The Sopranos, but they all have dead eyes and are kind of scaring me. I'm actually missing the button-challenged dancers from the Tony Bennett number.

9:30PM EDT: Something called The Sopranos just won for both writing and directing in drama. Sounds like it must be good -- I know I love opera.

Stealth hottie Steve Carell just came out of the fruit cellar to talk about The Office and present outstanding variety show. Seriously, he walked out of the basement onto stage -- very odd. They run some cute videos of the other cast members saying mean things about him. The Daily Show wins and Stephen Colbert gives him a hug. I love The Daily Show and all, but I really think Colbert surpassed it this year. Kind of funny that Carrel, who got his start on The Daily Show, was the guy presenting the award, right? Crazy how that randomly happens sometimes.

Carell hangs out a little longer to present best variety special, which goes to ... the Rob Marshall-directed Tony Bennett special. No mention of Xtina or the dancers from earlier, who hopefully have figured out how to button their shirts by now. Tony Bennett's son just said some very nice things and Tony got all choked up. Or maybe he's just had a few too many. Either's fine.

Oh, my favorite part: The Ernst & Young intro! These guys are such rockstars. I mean, they make the Deloitte and Touche guys look downright pedestrian.

Former future ex-husband of mine Mark Harmon and Marcia Cross present the best actress in a miniseries award to Judy Davis for The Starter Wife. Judy isn't there to accept. The chairman of the Academy shows up to give his talk. Bathroom break!

9:11PM EDT: Queen Latifah just did a big thing about the groundbreaking miniseries Roots, which pretty much invented the form. Wow -- pretty much the whole central cast of Roots just took the stage, to a standing ovation from the crowd. Very cool, and Latifah's point that the show redefined the idea of whose stories can be told on television is one that resounds.

Louis Gossett is the man. I would listen to him talk about absolutely anything. The award goes to Broken Trail. Robert Duvall yet again gets yanked in the middle of an anecdote.

Neil Patrick Harris is presenting with the Teflon Neutrogena Cheerleader. He starts to make a joke in the Barney vein by noting that she has just turned 18 and he knows what all the men are thinking... "new voter". Heh.

8:59PM EDT: Alright, whoever had the idea of putting crooner Tony Bennett, belter Xtina Aguilera, and a group of dancers who can't button up their shirts right on stage together needs to be put down. They sounded awful. The Chicago-lite dance number was just bizarre. Misery loves company, Britney!

Rob Marshall just won best director in a variety series for his Tony Bennett special (whose number ironically was like a number from his big movie, Chicago, as performed by the residents of the Bunny Ranch).

Robert Duvall just won best actor in a miniseries for Broken Trail. He complimented presenter Ali Larter for being a "good horseman". Flattery will get you nowhere, Bobby. Wow -- they cut him off at the knees on his acceptance speech.

Ryan just had a "spontaneous" moment with one of Fox's "bloggers" who is "liveblogging" in the audience. I use gratuitous quotation marks because I've apparently been misinformed. What, bloggers wear something more than underwear and actually leave their houses? My entire world has been rocked.

8:46 PM EDT: Alright, the montage for the Colbert Report's best writing nomination was the funniest thing so far on the broadcast. Leave it to Colbert to steal the show. Lord -- how many disparaging Bush montages are we going to have?!

The Bill Maher montage with its public bathroom sex hijinx was unexpected - an easy target, but they went all the way with it and Maher made himself the butt of it. But lo and behold, Conan O'Brien wins.

Oh -- I missed a shot when Ryan called out Paula Abdul a bit earlier for being a drug addict. Drunk yet? Hurry up -- this isn't going to get any funnier on its own, you know...

8:40PM EDT: Ellen just introduced a clip montage and in 30 seconds displayed more talent and humor than Ryan Seacrest has in 30 minutes. The clip montage was actually pretty funny. Well, until the part about Tom Snyder's death.

The guys from Entourage (well, the straight ones -- not Rex Lee) and Eva Longoria present the best supporting actress in a drama award to...

Katherine Heigl. I was really rooting for Rachel Griffiths, but Heigl's pretty solid. She gave BFF T.R. a big, teary hug on the way to the stage. Heigl's speech was class and she looks like Grace Kelly. Her mom looks like she's about to boot, though!

8:25PM EDT: Jaime Pressley just won best supporting actress in comedy for My Name Is Earl. I love her, so atta girl, even though it does mean that Ugly Betty missed out on one of its 11 noms. Tina Fey and Julia Louis-Dreyfus were hilarious.

They totally mispronounced Katherine Heigl's name and she called them on it when she got to the podium. She's hardcore.

Sandman won for Broken Trail ... and he didn't eve wear a tie?!

8:18PM EDT: And ... Terry O'Quinn just won for best supporting actor in a drama, beating out T.R. Knight.

I love O'Quinn for starring in The Stepfather many moons ago. And it's great to see him get his due, but not in that tie! Someone please unplug it.

So we're 0 for 2 in the gay actors department, but that doesn't mean we don't have lots more to make fun of

8:14PM EDT: And... Jeremy Piven just won the Emmy for supporting actor in a comedy, beating out Neil Patrick Harris. Frowny-face. Wait, how long do I have to watch this thing?

8:12PM EDT: Ryan Seacrest is worse than I'd ever imagined. If I'm going to make it through this, I'm going to need more drinking games. I think every time Seacrest makes an American Idol reference should have us all in the bag in about ten minutes. Again, just in case anyone forgot that they were watching Fox.

Ray Romano just came on stage. Wait, is he still even ON television? Is this the montage of dead people already?

Holy cow -- even the producers think he's dead, because the camera angle changed and they cut out his audio for a good 6 seconds. This is awesome.

8:05 PM EDT: Alright, the show just started with an animated musical number performed by Stewie and Brian the Dog from The Family Guy, just in case anyone watching forgot that they were watching Fox.

Oh wow -- one minute in, and we already have an Isaiah Washington joke and a cut to T.R. in the audience. Alright, I smell a drinking game... shot!

7:48 PM EDT: Neil Patrick Harris just almost made out with the lady from E! and it was oddly arousing. He's wearing black on black on black, giving the ultimate impression that he'd a head in a pool of tar. I kinda like it. Sadly, no David with him (hey -- Colbert and Stewart had their wives!)

A few other favorite moments from the pre-show:

• What was up with Kate Walsh's hair?! She looked like she was in an America's Next Model photo shoot challenge with a hurricane theme or something.
  
• On E!'s preshow, they introduced Carson Kressley and Kimora Lee Simmons as the resident fashion police, and then didn't cut back to them for a full 53 minutes.
  
• Rachel Griffiths looks gorgeous as ever and says she feels "naughty".

• Ellen and Portia goofed it up on the sidewalk and got into a fight on camera, and then that dreadful Juliana woman stepped on Portia's dress. See why they don't let gay couples on the red carpet!? CHAOS. And why is Ellen wearing a curtain pull around her neck?
  
• Omar Epps' wife told Juliana that she was wearing Pea in the Pod maternity, and Juliana looked at her like she had just opened her mouth and kittens jumped out. Awesome -- she looks great.