Make Me a Supermodel: Meet the Models recap

Although the show proper doesn't premiere for another week, last night Bravo offered a preview of their new "supermodeled by America" reality competition, Make Me a Supermodel, with a special that showed how the contestants were whittled down to the final 14. While there were two openly gay men in the herd of comely young veal that was assembled in New York, only one would make it through to the show, and along the way there were a few other gay-related points of interest.

*-*-MAKE ME A SUPERSPOILER-*-*

First spoiler: Nikki Taylor has teeth the size of mahjong tiles. Okay, that's not really a spoiler, but it's all I could focus on for most of the hour. Nicey-nice Taylor also seems a bit ill-suited to do things like eliminate models from the competition, speak with authority, and stand convincingly. Yes, she's pretty and seems perfectly pleasant, but that's about all she contributes; imagine a Top Chef where Padma Lakshmi was unable to eat.

Tyson Beckford comes across as much more gregarious and accessible than I was expecting, and he pretty much carries this thing. To help the pretty people make tough choices, the show also features a few Wicked Stepsiblings that point at Polaroids and generate tepid criticisms like "he's boyfriend-cute, not model-cute." Come on. I can do that, AND I can type...

Anyway, the "Meet the Models" special gave Bravo the ability to squeeze a free episode out of the casting that they were going to have to do anyway, and kudos to them for that, and for snagging a bunch of gay-targeted ads for the timeslot (I noticed that the guy-guy Levi's ad and the "Still gay" Chemistry.com ad aired during this show).

Appropriately, there was a lot in the show for gays to consider. Right off the bat, we are shown one of the show's few "What The Eff Were They Thinking" auditions, an effeminate bleach-blond hipster who is obviously there to have a laugh and is given ample air time to preen and pose and make himself look silly. Ordinarily the whole "Look at the gay freak!" routine can be pretty upsetting, but here it didn't upset me for two reasons: one, we learn later that these people couldn't care less about sexuality, as long as you're traditionally masculine (which is of course problematic in itself, but another discussion); and two, this guy really bugged the frack out of me, and was clearly having a laugh at the whole thing anyway.

Moving on...

Minutes later (in Chicago, I think? Atlanta? The whirlwind of strong jawlines gives me vertigo...) we meet another young man, a self-professed "gay" named Nicholas who hopes that his out-proud confidence and gorgeous, exotic features will get him through to the finals. He does make it to New York City, but will he lock in a bed in the Model Hostel?

Shortly after, we meet Ronnie, a cute blond beefcake who tells the interviewers that he wants to be the President of the United States, and follows up with a little ditty about how his first boyfriend turned out to be a porn star and escort. Hey, may as well get that sort of thing out of the way BEFORE you get to office, right?

Ronnie also makes the trip to NYC, we learn. We also hear from an assumedly straight model with limited English skills that his father told him not to go into modeiing because it was "gay". Is that "gay" as in "homosexual", or "gay" as in "that 90210 lunchbox is totally gay"? Either way, interesting choice to include the comment in the show. See? Even models are discriminated against ... which may be why they are so fiercely critical of each other, as we soon learn...

Once in NYC the veal are lined up in a loft and told that some of them are going home right away. Welcome to New York, kids!

After a brief walkoff (I would be using Zoolander references, but honestly, where does the reality end and the parody begin?), the judges gather around the Peg-Board of Doom to look at Polaroids and pick six to go home. Right away they single out Nicholas; allow me to paraphrase their conversation:

Wicked Stepsister: That one walks like a girl.

Wicked Stepbrother: This isn't Make Me a Supersissy.

Wicked Stepsister: He is more feminine than I am and that threatens me.

Wicked Stepbrother: I'm more feminine than he is and that threatens me.

Nikki Taylor: I'm pretty.

Seriously, it's really ugly, but at least they're not mincing words here. In the world of modeling, traditional masculinity and femininity are still the tentpoles of the dominant paradigm, and effeminate men simply aren't wanted. Is this cool? Absolutely not. And are these jaded behind-the-scenes players part of the problem, despite the fact that they would likely pass the buck that it's all "part of the business"? Oh, doubtless. But this is apparently the way things are, and at least the ugly truth is right there to see.

Nicholas is kicked to the curb, but Ronnie, who is much more conventionally masculine, stays.

Next the guys and gals are stripped down to bathing suits and asked to pair up for a sexy fake photo shoot (or is it fake sexy photo shoot?). The only thing to note here other than that the guys all look like they're about 12 is that Ronnie elects to have his girl bend him over a chair and take him from behind in their picture, which everyone loves ... including Ronnie, who says, "I liked it when she dominated me ... it was pretty hot". Take notes people: you can be submissive, just not girly. Very important distinction, apparently. Ronnie then makes it clear that even though he enjoyed being fake-dominated by a random Amazon, he has a man at home who's still #1. Awww...

In the end, Ronnie makes the final cut to the live, audience-vote-determined competition, along with 13 others. The video of Ronnie getting the news is kind of funny, as he's apparently with his family, who are sitting like birds on a wire on a huge sectional couch (a homosectional?) in a rather somber-looking living room. It seems more like they're attending a wake than hearing the news that one of their own is in the running to win a big modeling contract and become a Gay Reality Icon, but whatever, Ronnie seems genuinely touched.

Overall the guys who make the cut range from Abercrombie Spring Catalogue to Abercrombie Fall Catalogue, so I'm pretty much tuned out already, but we'll be back to keep you posted on how our gay emissary does! You can check out a preview for the show below.