What's in a name? Would a boyfriend by any other word smell as sweet? In this episode of Mores for Gays, Daniel discusses the when and how of referring to someone as your "boyfriend".
Also in this episode, a review of the pros and cons of terms like "lover" and "partner" as well as the coining of the words "sex-friend" and "frantics". What more could you want?
Check it out after the break...
Submitted by
on Fri, 2008-10-10 14:33.
Great segment!
Great job on a great topic! We seem to use 'partner' (not our favorite term either) with straight people we don't know well and 'husband' with all gay people and straight people who are friends or family. We've been together 12 years, and boyfriend started to sound much too casual after we moved in together (after the first year).
Thanks again for the great Vlogs.
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Stop taunting us with your
LOVE the Taunting!
And love your rejection of "Partner" (FEH!) for the very same reasons I loathe it.
In the situation you describe "boyfriend" would be appropriate. Why? He paid -- he's the boyfriend.
Besides one can have many boyfriends but when you're moving onto something more permanent another word would be more a propos IMO. Being 61 years old (therefore your grandfather if I were straight, Daniel) I've always favored Lover. I don't know why it was abandoned. For me it underscored the essence of what we were fighting for -- love.
Fuckbuddy is a delightful term, but it has to do with "Freindship with benefits" rather than full-press L-O-V-E. Though that may arise (eg. the entire life and loves of the great Frank O'Hara.)
Here's a clip from my favorite movie which deals with (among many other things) what we are to call each other:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yazHYvkgtZ0
If you notice at the very end a (clueless) straight character asks Pascale Greggory if Bruno Todeschini is his "fiance."
Suggestion from Grandma
As a straight woman of advanced years (65), in the case of having been seeing the other person for only a couple of weeks the term "My date" comes to mind. I would leave the title of boyfriend for a later time, or after the two of you discuss it.
I know that I am a bit old-fashioned, but I don't care for the term lover. It seems to conjour up a sexual relationship that is better left private until you are actually living together or in a long-term relationship.
Of course, I also dislike it when straight couples call each other fiance when in fact they are living together and may never actually get married.
Make it simple
I get a little ew ick when someone introduces the fella standing next to them as my lover. I'd feel exactly the same way if it was a straight couple. What's wrong with saying "Tom. John. This is Stephen." No signifiers neccessary. Body language and your friends assessing glances can fill in the rest. I think the bigger problem comes with how we're introduced by others - specifically straight folk. I can still remember the first time I brought a BF to a family gathering. My trying-to-be-PC cousin dogged us all night introducing him as my . . . special friend. Oh, cringe.
I don't like the word "lover" either
The term "lover"--which I've never seen used in the context of a modern straight relationship, only modern gay relationships--makes me think of some 19th century gentleman and his courtesan, like Robert Taylor and Greta Garbo in Camille. That might be romantic, but it's hardly an apt description of the real relationship.
If I'm dating somebody, and it gets serious, we're boyfriends; after we're married, we're husbands.
Check out my blog: http://radicalsexy.blogspot.com/
As Greta Garbo has always been my role model --
From a slightly different perspective
This is something somewhat in the realm of what my 17yr old daughter and I were discussing the other day. That is, that relationships whether straight or gay all have their common points. We were actually talking about having an unrequainted crush on another. We both commented that straight kids (and adults) have crushes on those they cant have. And there is a similar thread here. What do you call a straight guy you are out with as a straught girl, or visa versa ? The dilemma is there as well. Perhaps just using their name as introduction is a solution until you have worked things out. (I have always considered "girlfriend" to be my friends who are girls, not necessarily anything else, but boys have a reluctance to call their male friends "boyfriend")
I realise that there are more inherent difficulties in a gay relationship and no way wish to demean any such issues, but both my daughter and I figure there are many similarities as well.
NO WAY!!!
OMG!!!! I AM SOO GOING TO HAVE A PARTY! DANIEL I HEART YOU!
I am famous!
Ok, and I do agree with the majority - I DETEST the term 'partner'. What's interesting is that we, as a community, often get caught up on the labels - all to seldom do we define them, permitting the greatest of tragedies by allowing said labels to define us. Perhaps I have a bit more radical view - but I wonder what would happen if we didn't have identifiers. What if I decided to introduce James to everyone as James, or My James - would the picture not be just as clear?
Anyway - oh, and I do second another comment here - STOP WITH ALL THE CUTENESS ALREADY! Jeesh... I swear that I would not have watched this blog, and gotten the greatest news of my week, if I didn't think "Oh, well if I didn't watch it - I would miss out on all of his cuteness,"and them BAM! My name, his mouth! Oh great, thanks - I have been reduced to one of those 13 year old, Hannah-Montana-singing, schoolgirls and the Super Cute popular guy just said my name. Thanks. Oh, and will you be my comrade?
Labels are subjective
"He's Just My Bill"
What about those of us who don't have a....
I don't know what I would call him but if I had one, I think I would introduce him as my date.
Gambatte kudsai
Ja matte ne!
Evan Kun
Ok - a suggestion...