"Project Runway" recaplet (5.03): Ciao! Manhattan

Without us she's nothing: Sandra Berhnard

That's right, this week's challenge was all about the energy, look, and attitude of New Yawk City. Well, at least that was supposed to be the idea. In reality, it was all about throwing the designsketeers on a double-decker tour bus in the middle of the night, making them take pictures around the city in the rain, and then making them design clothes to be judged by fashion icon Sandra Bernhard.

What's wrong with that sentence? Everything.

If they'd really wanted to give the kids a taste of New York, they'd have taken them to an overpriced club for watered-down drinks with yuppie jerkwads who hog the bathroom, then made them take the subway home at 3AM trapped in a car with a guy who reeks of feces and sings, then mugged them at the door to their own building.

Not that I'm bitter.

We of course start out with a recap of last week's elimination (bye again, Wesley!) and a reminder from Neenahgarceea that short, tight, and shiny is the fastest way to look cheap.

Cue this:

We then go through the Culling of the Models ceremony but honestly I'm too distracted by Kelsey (Kilty? Colty? Kitt Kittredge: All American Girl?) and the enormous blue flower in her hair that I can't focus. The kids are told that they are going out that night with Tim, and a few of them are actually dense enough (coughBlaynecough!) to think that The Divine Mr. Gunn is taking them out to The Rainbow Room or to some elite A-list knitting circle or something. Ha!

In reality, they're picked up, given parkas and cameras, are loaded onto one of those horribly embarrassing double-decker tour buses that have a record of mowing down pedestrians and getting flipped the bird by anyone who lives here and are told that they have to find inspiration for an outfit that's all about being out on the town in NYC.

Somehow the kids manage to quibble, with Stella (who can't work her camera because it isn't made of "leathuh") and Emily (one of the more vaguely discernible Girls, Interrupted) getting all up in Keith's business about being too competitive. Whatever, kids. But at least it gives us our first Keith testimonial, with him talking about how it was hard growing up gay in Utah in a Mormon family. All I gotta say is, I lived in Salt Lake City twice, and if Keith had been legal at the time he'd still be in my basement at this very moment.

Rawr.

Anyway, Keith does disappoint me a titch when he falls prey to the Reality Competition Catchphrase of Doom: "I'm not here to make friends." Watch and learn, my love.

The designsketeers get to go to Mood (finally! after three days weeks!) and we settle in to Workroom Mode. Leanne is being cautious after last week's Spaghettios Airways debacle and is trying not to be "too creative". Mighty Straight Joe thinks Kitt Kittredge's fabric looks like a "Fort Lauderdale lawn cushion" and he's totally right. Stella, aka Rosie the Riveting, pauses in the middle of hammering hardware into her 7,304th pair of leather pants to note, "what a gay little grommet," which of course makes me imagine this:

Gay little Gromit

Loads more, including who was eliminated, after the break!

Keith is in his wife-beaty best, Blayne is trying to freak out Kitt Kittredge by staring at her and saying he's going to eat her (what, has he been possessed by that little girl from Night of the Living Dead?), and we finally get to see the source of the delicious promo clippage where Tim gets all "street" after the kids teach him to say "Holla at ya boy!"

For a second the fabric of the workroom (not the literal fabric) rends as Tim for some reason allows himself to be made the Funny Old White Guy from countless Chris Rock movies. (No comment that he's being schooled on hip-hop by an orange gay kid from Seattle.) But in his journey to comprehend the lingo and its meaning, Tim cycles through a few pronunciations of "holla", and at one point seems to think that they are going to throw loaves of kosher bread at him:

Challah at ya boy!

The Best: Leanne's was definitely my favorite this week. It was classy, simple, innovative, and incredibly well-made. I guess they made the right choice in not aufing her Interrupted self last week.

Leanne's dress

Kitt Kittredge's is cuter than it should be with that fabric, mostly because of the structured shoulders and tailoring, which is pretty cute. But I'm with guest judge Sandra Bernhard (who wore her best pantsuit!) in that the shape around the thighs would be best used to hide some sort of "goiter". 

Kenley's dress

Otherwise I liked Jerell's:

Jerell's dress

And ... that's about it. Not really loving it this week.

The Worst: Oh, where to begin. I'm looking at my notes for Emily's dress, and I wrote down two words:

"Gutted Carp".

Seriously, the poor girl looks like she was working the Whitehall alleys and got jumped by Springheel Jack:

Emily's dress

Also wasn't a fan of Blayne's neon monstrosity of the week (seriously, how is he still here?), which would have been appropriate for the Grand Marshal of a Gay Pride parade:

Blayne's dress

Jennifer has said several times now that her style is "Holly Golightly at a Salvador Dali exhibit". One, that's a double name-drop, and no one likes a greedy Gertrude. Two, this outfit is more "Rosie the Robot at a nursing home formal":

Jennifer's dress

And lastly, Keith ... oh, Keith. I love ya, kid, but I don't know what the hell you were thinking this week with your Kleenex couture abomination. I seriously thought that you were history, but thankfully the show knows good beefcake television talent when they see it.

Keith's dress

The Emilinated Eliminated: Yes, Emily was sent packing this week for her entrail-accessorized dud. She seemed legitimately pissed in her exit interview, and I personally loved that she had her pack of American Spirits out of her purse and in her hand before she even gave her ceremonial "I'll miss you guys" to the rest of the crew.

Oh, and they surprise us all by giving Kitt Kittredge the win. I totally thought Leanne had it, but I guess that the 80's really is back. Gentlemen, dust off your Nagels! 

Moving on.

Keith-O-Meter

Lucky for us, we had considerably more Keith time this week. We had Shirtless Sleeping Keith, Wife Beater Keith, Mormon Castaway Keith, and unfortunately Hideous Tissue Monster Keith. As long as it's not Don't Let the Screen Door Hit Your Ass on the Way Out Keith, I'll take it.

Planet RunGay Status Check

All our gays were safe this week, so the fickle-yet-fabulous Overlord of Planet RunGay is cooling his lasers this week. We'll see how the boys do next week when they have to outfit ... a track team?