"Project Runway" recaplet (5.06): "Hiding the candy"

Chris March inspects Joe's candy-basket

This week's Project Runway was the much-anticipated "Gayest Episode Ever". But what the drag-queen-heavy promos didn't tell us is that last night's episode had a special sponsor:

Irony.

Because while the challenge of designing for a gaggle of men in pantyhose may have offered the highest GPM rate (Gay Per Minute) in the show's history, in the end it was one of the worst showings Team Gay has had this season. Somewhere up in heaven, an angel in a crooked wig is crying sequins.

We meet up with the designsketeers in the morning of their next challenge, and quickly learn that Stella looks like 40 yards of bad leathuh before she's had her coffee, and Mighty Joe Straight apparently sleeps in a vat of olive oil (what was up with the greaser look?). The kids are trotted back to Parsons, where they learn that their next challenge will be designing dresses for a flock of feisty drag queens.

Heidi and Brunhilda

Sorry, did I say "feisty"? I meant ENORMOUS. Seriously, my first thought when they paraded them out was, "they're gonna need a bigger runway". They're not like the usual models, which stack like kindling.

With the help of Season 4 fave Chris March (who is done up like a Wagnerian Discounfalle), Heidi introduces the drag queens, who each have a moment to pitch their shtick, like this is some twisted version of The Dating Game. ("I'm Mona Lott and if you were a dentist I'd let you fill my cavity any day!")

The 'sketeers pair up with their queens and they're off to the workroom to caucus. Let me point out that of the designers Terri looks most excited ("I love drag queens!") and both Korto and Kenley are either petrified or in desperate need of Activia.

Keith gives Sherry Vine some sparkle

Upstairs the designers learn that the dresses they design will be auctioned off to benefit Broadway Cares Equity Fights AIDS, which is really cool, and Tim says literally about 4,583 times that the keywords for this challenge are "theatrical" and "over-the-top". As if to prove his point, we get a good look at the queens, who look like they all were involved in some kind of catastrophe in the buttons-and-trims district. For example, Hedda Lettuce looks like a leprechaun stewardess, and Miss Understood is in the process of being swallowed by a frog, by the looks of it. In other words: we're not looking for subtlety here.

The most shocking development this round is when Blayne tries to give everyone drag names by picking random adjectives and sticking "licious" at the end of them. "Shocking" in the sense of, "I can't believe they're still beating this deadlicious horselicious." Thankfully, the other designers (led by Alpha Girl, Interrupted Leanne, who really redeemed herself here) call him out on it, which hopefully will mean the end of the whole stupidlicious mess.

Meaning, I think we've officially "jumped the sharkalicious".

Oh, and I love when Mighty Joe Straight says that he's coming at the challenge as though he were "designing Halloween costumes for his daughters". Um, remind me to trick-or-treat at their house this year, because I gotta see that.

Find out what horrors await on the runway, as well as who the challenge dragged down, after the jump!

A few other things worth noting happen in the whirlwind of sequins, all of which share a common theme. First, Terri notes that she "loves a titty hangin' out." Noted, thanks! Then, we learn that Varla Jean Merman has actually left Joe her breasts so that he can get the proper fit on his outfit. Let me repeat that: She left her breasts. Since when is it fair play to have your model leave a part of her anatomy in the workroom? I'm calling unfair advantage.

Kenley won't give Daniel the shirt off her front

Meanwhile, Daniel asks former BFF Kenley (I'm imagining they might have fallen out after she, you know, laughed at him during elimination last week) if he can use her brassiere for a minute, and she refuses. Oh, and later, when they're being chased through the halls by a flesh-eating zombie, Kenley trips Daniel and runs. Just sayin'.

But we haven't even gotten to the best part yet. In a truly bizarre Project Runway moment, we learn that Suede, while working on an outfit for a celebrated NYC drag queen, has been visited by the spirit of his dead grandfather, who sprinkled lettuce seeds all over the sleeves and grew tiny heads of bibb.

Seriously, I wish I was making this up, because it scares me a little. Sorry, why did your dead relative choose this particular challenge to visit you? Was your grandfather Quentin Crisp? I mean, the ghost of my great grandnana often stops by to offer me manscaping tips, but we're hairy people.

After that Ghost of Drag Queens Past moment, the models come in out of drag, which is pretty cool, if only because I've seen half of these guys perform and it's kind of a thrill to think I'll now be able to attack them if I see them at the laundromat in broad daylight. Hedda Lettuce isn't digging what Suede's paranormal experience came up with, but otherwise things are moving along.

Holdin' out for a hero?

Off to the show, where we learn that the guest judge is none other than super drag queen RuPaul herself. I love me some Ru ... but seriously, what's up with the outfit, and that wig?! If she was going for the "Bonnie Tyler freshly banged in an alley" look, she nailed it.

The Best: Terri Terri Terri. Hot. Fierce. Fascinating. I loved every inch of her heavy metal samurai monstrosity, which managed to look avant-garde, theatrical and classy all at once.

Terri's dress

Kenley's was also pretty hot, if a bit standard in that old Hollywood way.

Kenley's dress

Mighty Joe Straight's is hot too, I have to say, although his original concept was hideous (thankfully, Varla steered him away from Vegas in Space and toward Ann Margaret on a cruise ship).

The others are honestly pretty standard, as far as drag costumes go.

Joe's winning number

Ultimately (and really rather surprisingly, I think) the judges award Joe the win, meaning that he has immunity for next week. Michael Kors and RuPaul were particularly impressed with how he designed the large belt buckle to "hide the candy" in the otherwise skintight crotchular area. I think "hiding the candy" will be what Joe's neighbors will be doing when his daughters show up at their houses wearing this outfit next Halloween. But seriously, not Terri? Really? Damn.

Note that the top three were the straight guy and two women, with the straight guy taking the win. In a drag queen challenge. Irony Sensors tingling...

The Worst: Blayne. Ugh. It looked like an art school class project gone wrong. And it broke halfway down the runway ... and yet he wasn't even in the bottom three? Likewise, Stella's outfit was pretty dull, for the challenge. And Daniel and Jerell seemed to miss the 4,683 times that Tim said "dramatic" and "over-the-top", because they both delivered pretty run-of-the-mill gowns that any woman could probably pull off.

Blayne's dress

In the end, Keith, Jerell, and Daniel are in the bottom three. IRONY SENSORS AFIRE.

The Eliminated: Daniel is sent packing. Topping off the irony sundae, here was the first week where Daniel actually delivered something relatively tasteful after taking up his taste level for 6 weeks. But he did it in a drag queen challenge. Good thing he hasn't been talking up his excellent sense of timing, because he apparently has none. Maybe he'll talk that up next week.

Daniel's losing dress

Oh, and Keith in the bottom two? Puh-leeeze. It wasn't that bad. They're just trying to shake him up a little because they're worried he's sticking too close to his tattered guns. It was never gonna happen. But how hot was it when RuPaul, who didn't like hearing Keith make excuses, asked him if a dingo ate his baby?

Keith's dress

Actually, RuPaul added more to this judging than most guest judges do (paging Sandra Bernhard's pantsuit!) by contributing such delighful phrases as "these girls don't wanna be sellin' no hormones up in Harlem to make their rent money" and of course "hiding the candy".

The Keith-O-Meter

Not too much Keith this week. And again, I don't think he was going anywhere, so I didn't even break a sweat when he was in the bottom two.

Planet RunGay Status Check

Oh, Team Gay. Oh, my my my my. A drag queen challenge and we have all gays in the bottom three?! I'm mortified. And even worse, you let Mighty Joe Straight shlump away with the win. Benevolent Planet RunGay Overlord Christian Siriano was actually so disgusted by your failure that he had to fly off to the TRESemme Nebulon for a spa day, leaving guest judge RuPaul to exact punishment.

Sorry, Daniel. You betta work in some other galaxy.