"Project Runway" recaplet (5.08): The Spy Who Auf'd Me

 
Guest judge Diane Von Furstenberg

So I just flew in from the Outer Banks and boy is my liver tired! (Wait, I think I messed that one up...). Yes, I high-tailed it back from my vacation to be sure I wouldn't miss this week's Project Runway, which was a bit of a sag after last week's bitchfest but nonetheless propelled the show one step closer to the big finale.

This week's challenge featured a true giant of fashion, wrap-dress genius Diane Von Furstenberg, who kindly let the designsketeers raid her fabric pantry and sat as guest judge in the eliminations, and even shared some of her favorite American Express commercials (featuring her, wandering in the woods as though she were trying to escape the pain of fibromyalgia) in between. This woman's a multitasker!

There's really not that much to this challenge other than the star element and the fact that they don't have to scramble through the rabbit warren that is Mood Fabrics for once. After a brief catch-up with the designers at their apartments (Stella rocks a bikini top but can't make coffee to save her life; Blayne is tanning through the kitchen window like an avocado with toothpicks in it), the 'sketeers are taken to the runway room and introduced to their special guest .... Tim Gunn!

Okay, I love Tim as much as the next anglophile, but come on. The only thing that would have been less interesting would have been if Heidi had told the contestants that they had a special guest and then ran back behind the giant shadow puppet scrim of doom and come back out herself. Which will probably be next week's surprise.

No, they are not designing gowns for Tim (which makes them happy, for some reason), but he is taking them on a trip. On the way through the Meatpacking district Blayne muses if they're going to Mary-Kate Olsen's house (Too soon! Too soon!). Hey, has he been watching the opening montages where they keep using that damn shot of MK on the ELLE cover, or are the producers trying to tell us something?

Diane Von Furstenberg (l) and friends at Studio 54
 

They're not going to M-K's, they're going to the offices of fashion legend and teutonic beauty Diane Von Furstenberg, who has weathered being wed to royalty, Manhattan in the 70's, and Barry Diller. She's also been a judge on the show before, so it's really not all that big a deal that they're trotting her out again, as fabulous as she is.

Although it's worth noting that this time around they introduce La Furstenberg at the top of a four-story white staircase and make her walk all the way down it until she gets close enough to be recognized. And they put the designers on the actual staircase, meaning that they're essentially looking up her skirt and nostrils for about 4 minutes.

Classy! 

The designsketeers are told that they're getting the run of Diane's fabric room and that they'll have to design a look for her new collection, which is inspired by Marlene Dietrich's spy/performer/frequent flier milehog in Foreign Affair. They're shushed back to the workroom and get to it, but not before we are treated to a bizarre crying jag by Kenley, whose dosings of mood-altering drugs by the production staff have apparently reached critical mass and who bawls about how excited she is about the challenge for like 10 minutes. 

Stella
 

Back at Parson's, there's some sniping (Joe makes the international symbol for "gag me with a spoon" at Kenley's dress; Blayne hates on Terri's pants) and horseplay (Leanne gets all Harriet the Spy, proving that you don't need to be able to move your neck to be a covert operative ... is she wearing a scoliosis brace or something?) but nothing major. Stella, whose coveralls make it look like she's there to fix the boiler, smack-talks last week's judge, Rachel Zoe. I knew I loved this chick.

Jerell found his pants
 

The next day we're treated to an oddly lingering shot of Jerell in nothing but boxer-briefs drinking orange juice. And when I say "lingering" I mean "we are now commonlaw". Thanks for the beefcake, Bravo! Of course the mood is ruined when Mighty Joe Straight refers to his gay roomies as "Chantilly Laces". What, are they in a gay bluegrass band or something?

The designers send their models to hair and makeup and I sound a major HOT MAKEUP GUY ALERT! Seriously, somebody dig something up on the little slice of heaven with the scruff and the big brush. Kenley (who is still crying, but now on the inside) helps Stella iron, and Joe's nasty pink backless blouse has me wondering if he just reused his Varla Jean Merman outfit.

Runway time! We meet guest judge Fern something-or-other (she's one of the Fashion Week bigwigs), who's in for Neenagharceea, who's out for the second week in a row, which to me means one thing: Promises.

Let's get to the show!

The Best: Leanne's is hotness. As is Korto's, which I also noticed during the commercial break is the same fabric as the model that DVF is dressing in the ad. It's very nice. Terri's is okay but it's honestly a bit too much like her usual thing for me and not quite "pretty" enough, if that makes sense. Kenley's is pretty cute, for what it is. 

Leanne's winning design
 

In the end, Leanne's dress wins, making her the first two-in-a-row winner this season. And she did it with immunity. The Little Girl, Interrupted Who Could has come so far!

Korto is smiling on the inside
 

Oh, and of course, throughout all the praise that is lavished onto Korto, she looks like she's about to die of ennui. What is wrong with this girl?! Seriously, they need to start making those "wah-waaaaah" sounds that they use in the Debbie Downer SNL skits with this woman. 

Blayne's outfit

The Worst: Ugh. Blayne's is hideous. Seriously, it's a nightmare and a half. Is this woman going to a Renaissance Faire or something? Is she planning on stealing canapes in those pants? But I mean, really, the head trauma chic look that he's working this week might be a clue as to how he comes up with these designs. It's like Fashions By The Recently Lobotomized.

Lobotomylicious

Joe's is similarly ick, with nothing remotely glamorous or period about it. She actually looks kind of like an uncommonly perky Druid.

Joe's outfit
 

And Stella's is kind of a mess too, and it's not very well constructed, leaving Michael Kors and Heidi to basically say that the crotch makes his model look like she's rocking a bad tuck. 

Seude's is also not the prettiest, but honestly is it his fault that DVF made that hideous fabric for him to use? Silk purse, sow's ear, have at it. And Jerell's looks costumey to me:

Jerell's design
 

And come on, who gave her that hat? Adebisi? 

The Eliminated: Sadly, our dear Leathuhface is sent home. But guess what? She actually smiles for like the first time after she's eliminated, and she's really pretty! Seriously, the girl gets the boot and she's all kittens and rainbows.

Stella's losing design
 

I really grew to like her over the course of the competition and am sad to see her go, even though she was clearly out of her element and not right for the challenges. Although, come on - didn't Joe deserve the Auf even more than she did?

Here's to hoping that she and Ratbones get their own spinoff where they open a B&B in Alphabet City or something.

Planet RunGay Status Check

Yes, Ferosh-Yet-Benevolent Overlord Christian Siriano is cooling his lasers this week, as all of our remaining gays make it home safe. But will next week's challenge be as kind? We'll have to wait and see.