"Project Runway" recaplet (5.12): What a tulle

Okay, this was hands-down the best Project Runway of this otherwise rather lackluster season. Not because the designs were particularly inspired or because the challenge was especially unique or exciting (because they weren't), but because it delivered in two of the most important of the reality show columns:

Tears and talkback.

We may be in the homestretch already, but it's never too late for the waterworks to sluice in and wash away a competition's sins, as last night's episode proved beautifully. After having been beaten down by sleep deprivation, repeated "licious"ings, and the Voluptuous Horror of Nina Garcia, the four remaining designers (Korto, Jerell, Kenley, and Leanne) all delivered buckets of tears.

And it was good.

Before things kick off, we check in with the Final Four, who are a little worse for the wear, at this point. Kenley and Leanne are in full-on Crystal and Alexis mode, with Kenley accusing Leanne of "sabotaging" her hip-hop outfit (am I the only one BEGGING for Leanne's buffalo girl hairdo from last week to somehow reappear?) and Leanne thinks, correctly, that Kenley is a grade A brat.

Meanwhile, poor Jerell is all alone in the boys' dorm and has taken to assigning the names of his departed brethren to inanimate objects (including an Aunt Jemima syrup bottle) and making them talk to one another. Nope, nothing odd going on here! 

This week's challenge involved a trip to the New York Botanical Gardens (swoooon) in which the Designsketeers were supposed to draw inspiration from nature for an evening gown. For some reason L'Oreal's Collier Strong is waiting amongst the bouganvalia to give them the details of their challenge ... okay, already I'm confused. It already feels like they came up with this challenge idea at the last minute, and having the makeup guy lurking in the perennial beds isn't exactly helping the concept to gel for me.

Still, they're gonna get $250 for fabric and two days for this puppy, so it could be good.

Only it's not.

At Mood (which will play an important role in tonight's drama), Jerell points out that "there's such a thin line between luxury and low class". Churrrrrch. And wait a second, did someone just leave one of their bags at the counter by accident?

Dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnn!

Sure enough, Kenley left her bag of tulle back at Mood and before long is trying to mooch tulle from the other designers. Of course, none of them will give theirs up, even though none of them have any intention whatsoever of actually using theirs. Ouch! Seriously, this is the hottest shut-out in ages on this show; remember how well everyone actually got along last season? Kenley has gone from Girl, Interrupted to Tatum O'Neal in Little Darlings in two seconds flat.

Lucky for Kenley, Tim (to whom she has consistently been a major bitch the entire season) sticks up for her and says that she can go back to get the tulle. Such a gentleman, always turning the other cheek. During Kenley's field trip we get a photo history of her upbringing on a tugboat or some crap and I turn to Andy and say, "Oh, she's GONE."

And this is where the beauty begins. Leanne starts crying in the diary room because she doesn't have enough time. Then Jerell starts crying about something ... maybe it's because people keep mistaking him for Superman's father?

And soon enough Korto is crying ... but first she reads the Bible, to make sure there's adequate guilt levels in the tears. Atta girl.

There's a last-minute scramble, as for some reason none of the designers is finished despite having double the time they usually have. And they're off to the runway ...

The Best: Leanne and Jerell are the definite standouts. Again. Leanne's suffers from the cascade of periwinkle diarrhea coming out of the back of her otherwise gorgeous lavender creation, but the dress moves so well and has such impeccable detailing that all is forgiven.

Leanne's design
 

Jerell's is interesting, and even though it looks like the model's going to flash her high beams at any second with that bustline, it's pretty solid work. He ends up taking the win. But that's not the end of the story ...

Jerell's winning design
 

The Worst: Korto's "pageant gown" is not popular with the judges, and Kenley's flat-out ridiculous purple snake dress (which kind of reminds me of one of those sea cucumber thingies that has a tube and a flowery thing that poops out of the end) is clearly the worst in the bunch.

Korto's design
 

But of course, Kenley isn't hearing it. Neenahgarcia calls the dress "kind of creepy", and when Heidi says that the petal-thingies aren't very elegant, Kenley snaps, "I wasn't going for elegance, Heidi." Heidi calls her on being consistently rude during judging and Kenley tries to pull an innocent act, which goes absolutely nowhere.

Kenley's design
 

Ii seriously think Kenley may be the craziest contestant in the history of the show. Her hissyfit puts Santino Rice to shame ... and that ain't no small feat.

Not content to let bitchy be bitchy, the judges then ask the designers which two colleagues they think should go with them to Fashion Week, and of course no one picks Kenley. They basically drown the girl in her own haterade. When it comes to her, she barks, "Well now that I've just been TRASHED..." and kinda-sorta half-apologizes to the other designers.

But that's not enough, as Korto demonstrates minutes later in the green room when she calls out Kenley again for "dogging on her" consistently at judging. Kenley tries to defend herself but it goes nowhere, because Korto is not one to back down easily.

Meanwhile, the judges are not impressed overall and concerned with the designers. When they get to Kenley, the way Heidi says the girl's name is PRICELESS. It looks like she's actually choking back vomit.

When they call them back out, they award Jerell the win ... and then drop a bomb that we all saw coming: All four designers will be asked to make collections for Fashion Week, but when they return only three will show. Well duh, we already know that more than three will show anyway, as they do every year. This basically robs Jerell of his win (he could be eliminated, too) and gives Kenley, who was certainly going to be Auf'd, more delicious airtime.

So. Unfair.

The Eliminated: Nobody. Back in the green room, Tim is thrilled that he doesn't have to send anyone packing and calls for a group hug, which Kenley refuses to join.

BITCH. 

Project RunGay Status Check

So Jerell, the leader of Krypton, is the lone Gay standing on Planet RunGay. Will he be good enough to topple Fierce-Yet-Benevolent Ruler Christian Siriano from his throne? We'll have to wait and see...