"Project Runway" recaplet (5.13): Bridal waves

Last night the first half of the two-part Project Runway finale threw a few curveballs at the four remaining designers, who were sent off to create their final collections for Bryant Park with the knowledge that one of them would not be in the running to win the competition when they returned (they would all actually show, of course ... and then some!).

If you remember the previous episode, Jerell won the evening gown challenge and Kenley and Korto tied for the lose ... but the whole "we're sending everyone home!" gag meant that even Jerell could be up for elimination when they returned to NYC. Not that this is meant to foreshadow anything.

As the episode starts we learn that Heidi and her fellow behind-the-scenes sadists have thrown another challenge at the designers: one of their final looks must be a wedding dress. Ugh. You mean "being the last deckhands on a sinking ship of a series" wasn't punishment enough, and now they have to find their inner David's Bridal as well?

You're a cruel mistress, Frau Klum.

As though we needed reminding, a bit more time is spent cementing Kenley's spot as the resident brat, with her claiming that she was "sabotaged" on the runway (um ... I don't think that word means what you think it means) and Korto's calling her "rude as hell" and commenting on her "stinky attitude". Glad that's all out of the way.

The designers are shipped home (likely in boxes, given the apparent budget this season ... they aren't even offering press photos for the episodes anymore!) and Globetrotting Gay Uncle Tim Gunn is dispatched to visit them to check on their progress.

First up is Korto, who is holed up in an amazing forest retreat in Arkansas and drawing from grass and snakes and stuff for her final collection.

The colors are stunning and it's what we've come to expect from the gal ... until she pulls out a drum and plays a duet with one of her friends. It's pretty damn cool, I must say ... although was I the only one secretly hoping that Tim would start dancing like the Fussy Old White guy in a Chris Rock movie?

Next up is Leanne in Portland (one of my favorite cities ever, I must add). Her line is water-based (like Astroglide!) and features the pleated foldy-wavey things that have become her hallmark and lots of seafoamy aquas.

She actually manages to outdo Korto's drum party by getting Tim on a "bicycle built for two" and taking him on a picnic, like this was a Donald and Daisy Duck cartoon.

Seriously, though ... am I the only one who had something snap into place when Tim got on the bike? It's like the accessory he's been missing all along:

He'd be a waxed mustache away from being a megaphone crooner!

Next up is Jerell in Los Angeles, with a goatee. (It's sharp, Jerell! Keep it!) He shows Tim his collection and it's the first one that Tim isn't loving ... in fact, he pulls out the dreaded "editing" comment when he can't wrap his head around the designs. After that Jerell takes Tim to meet his friends and family, which include his "love interest", Dan. Awwwww! Jerell has become my favorite personality this season and it was great to see him in his element with his Mom, sister and friends.

And when he told about his upbringing (in South Central, amidst gang warfare and riots) and how much he appreciated that his father had to sacrifice seeing his kids grow up in order to support the family driving trucks, he was moved to tears. Myself, I was moved to tears by his dad's kickin' afro back in the day, but those were tears of awe.

Last up is Kenley, in Brooklyn (and uncomfortably close to where I sit as I write this). Her apartment is standard-issue Brooklyn railroad, which is kind of adorable, and she's got it gussied up all nice and colorful.

We learn that her grandma was a pin-up in the 40's, which is pretty hot, and see her collection, which is pretty out there. When I saw the final runway show at Bryant Park my first impression was that all the models were at the same Mad Hatter's tea party ... and Kenley reveals that her inspiration was indeed "painting the roses red" from Alice in Wonderland (she actually painted the fabrics herself, which is pretty damn impressive).

Tim loves it, for the most part, especially her yellow feather wedding gown.

Before you know it, the designers are back in NYC and marking their territory (Korto tells Leanne to "pee on her bed" before Kenley can claim it) and making a sort of reconciliation when Kenley apologizes for her grand mal bitchery at the last judging. The first thing that I notice, though, is that Jerell's goatee has been eliminated. OMEN ALERT!

But the next morning they learn that Kenleyzilla was the least of their worries, because the producers have something even worse in store for them: they have to make another dress. And it's a bridesmaid. Needless to say, they all look like someone just dropped a house on their sister.

Jerell makes the alarming comment that his dress should be ugly because bridesmaid's dresses always are, and already I'm concerned for our last remaining member of Team Gay. Tim is equally concerned about Jerell and Korto, but he is gaga over Leanne's dress and seems okay with Kenley's. The next day Kenley is shocked to see that both Korto and Leanne have shortened their dresses, which of course means that they're biting her look. I find it pretty hilarious that a girl whose personal style is ripped from a Bettie Paige calendar from Spencer Gifts is accusing anyone of being derivative, but whatever.

Time for the show!

The Best: Leanne's is stunning. They both are. And they go together beautifully.

The only critical thing I can say is that the OCD in me would be driven to a rubber room by the need to straighten all those pleats, but they look like they hold together pretty well. Kenley's, while batsh*t crazy, are also pretty damn cool.

There's no winner, but these are the clear champs. Michael Kors essentially accuses Kenley of ripping off an Alexander McQueen design (IRONY METER PEAKING) but says that he doesn't care, because it's still hot. Both Leanne and Kenley are through to Bryant Part.

The Worst: Korto's dresses - both of them - are monstrosities. Which is interesting, because the rest of her final line is really stunning.

From the awful color (on both dresses!) to the overworked pleating to the lack of synergy, I think this is actually the worst work she's done all season.

Jerell's duo is, in my opinion, not as monstrous. Yes, it's a bit much, but it's kind of supposed to be. It's a look. And his bridesmaid's dress is less offensive than Korto's, which just looks like a smock of some sort. But I'm already having very bad feelings about this.

And am I the only one thinking that the Deadly Swarm headpiece on his bride is going to be the kiss of death?

The Eliminated: Jerell, our last Team Gay standing, is eliminated. Making this only the second time in five seasons that there isn't a gay man in the finals (Season 3 was the first). I honestly don't know what to do ...

Well, of course I know what to do, I'll liveblog next Wednesday's finale just like I planned. Do join me to pop some bottles and bitch up a storm next Wednesday at 8PM Eastern!

Planet RunGay Status Check

To quote Spaceballs, "Oh, sh*t. There goes the planet..."

Yes, like the destructive (yet adorable!) Starchild from Arthur C. Clarke's 2001: A Space Odyssey, Fierce-Yet-Benevolent Planet RunGay Overlord Christian Siriano has blown the Gayest Planet in the Galaxy to glittery smithereens. Will he move on to another heavenly body to try to find the heir to his celestial throne next season? We'll have to wait and see...

In the meantime, long live Jerell, King of Krypton!