“Dancing With the Stars” recaplet (Ep. 7.07): Lance is SAFE! (and so is everyone else)

This week’s Results Show was a bit light on ... well, results. Talk about anticlimactic!

As already reported, it was revealed on Monday night’s episode that Misty May-Treanor "popped" her Achilles tendon in rehearsals and has been forced to leave the competition. (By the way, according to the producers she’s had her surgery and she is doing great.)

As such, DWTS was down a celebrity. So, rather than sending an additional couple home this week (thus shortening the series’ run by another episode … gasp, the lost advertising revenue!) they instead decided to keep everyone around. Strangely enough, host Tom Bergeron left this information out until the end of the episode. Viewers sat at home for an hour as couples were one by one dramatically “saved from elimination” … an elimination that never really came. Curse you ABC (angry wave of the fist)!

That’s it, I’m getting a TiVo and fast-forwarding this stuff.

So who would have been eliminated? The lowest combined voter/judge score went to celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito and partner Karina Smirnoff (sidenote: real/stage name … thoughts?). Rocco and Karina’s low scores, and as best I could understand from Tom, all the couples’ scores from this week, will be added to their results next round (to then come up with an average).

I guess the whole night wasn’t a wash. We did get to see Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson perform her new single “Spotlight”, as interpreted on the dancefloor by Derek and Julianne (true story: when he flipped mid-dance, I choked on my linguini … I might just have to learn how to do that.)

More excitement (and sparkle!) after the break!

We also saw Grammy winners Kool and the Gang sing a smorgasbord of their hits “Jungle Boogie”, “Ladies’ Night” and “Celebration”, and Maksim and Edyta danced the Jive as a tribute to Misty. Finally, Macy’s Stars of Dance returned this week with a performance by the world-famous Radio City Rockettes (and my goodness I have never seen so many sparkles in my life … I thought I was having an epileptic seizure there for a minute.)

Also this week we heard from the Judges’ mouths who the biggest competition is (for Lance) this season: David Charvet’s wife (aka Brooke Burke … I just really wanted to throw his name in there again).

Len Goodman called her routine this week “simply the best dance of this season so far,” and awarded them a score of 10! Carrie Ann Inaba even went so far as to tell Brooke she was quickly becoming her “favorite dancer of all seasons.” Watch out, Lance.

But Brooke’s out of luck when it comes to my Giant-Shiny-Sequin-Of-The-Week Award, ‘cause that’s going to non other than Lance (biased, I’m aware). Why? Simply for saying the words: “There’s Fairy Fart all over us”. (I could go so many places with that … but I suppose I’ll refrain.) See you next week!