How'd I Miss My Coming Out?: Boy Band Mania

Did you ever wear your Mom's high heel wooden clogs while dancing in the driveway, wish Vicki from Small Wonder was your BFF or pride yourself on knowing every absurd storyline they had on Ryan's Hope and General Hospital from 1982 on? 

About six years ago I had the idea of revisiting all the missed clues from my youth that all but screamed, "I am sooooooooo gay". Originally envisioned as a documentary short, I was going to terrorize my family members and demand they talk about the most obvious and difficult fey facts (graduating from film school can do that to you) but it never came to fruition.

Instead all of you AfterElton.com readers will be tormented on a regular basis with all of the shockingly obvious signs that not only should have sent me running into the arms of a young nubile man but also sent big pink flags up in the air for my parents to recognize.

Welcome to our new blog series, "How'd I Miss My Coming Out?" The goal is to showcase not only the horrors of growing up in the 80's but also to look at those painfully obvious tell-tale signs we all missed as adolescent youth. Hopefully it will help create a forum for all of us to realize we're not alone ... while having a laugh or two.

This week I want to examine one of the most obvious and "duh" moments from my early teen years in a big whoppin' Nestea Plunge of a revelation ...

I was in crazy love with New Kids on the Block!

"Come on everybody if you wanna take a chance, just get on the floor and do the New Kids Dance" Oh I was ready to take that chance and dance alright! In 1988 I swung my legs back and forth so much that you could see the wear and tear in our dingy brown shag carpet. I was 14 and couldn't get enough of Danny, Jonathan, Donnie, Jordan and that sweet little boy Joey!

What I thought was an innocent obsession with a peer (Joey was almost the same age) was obviously one of my first crushes on another boy. When his little squeaky voice was belting out "Please Don't Go Girl" I couldn't help but sing the backup whispers that went "I love you, I love you, I guess I always will ..." What? It seemed completely natural for a 14 year old boy to be singing along to a pop song and wanting to know everything there was to know about the band.

Every weekend I would go with my Mom to the Mall and spend all of my allowance on New Kids paraphernalia. While my brother was getting his acid wash on at Chess King I was scouring the mall and snatching up every poster, magazine, Trapper Keeper folder, trading card set and lunchbox with their pimply yet adorable faces on them.

Hands down my prize possession was the matching set of Joey McIntyre pillowcases. I know, right? You're sitting there reading this going "HELLO, GAY BOY!" but they were my favorite band so I didn't think anything of it.

Every night I snuggled my face into that pillow and rested my head right there next to Joey Mac and dreamt of riding in the back of that New Kids convertible (you know the one - from the "Hangin' Tough" video) with the boys and stomping the streets of Boston in ripped jeans, white high tops and Debbie Gibson's big rimmed hat!

When my allowance would run dry and the countless magazine covers, paperback books, and cassingles weren't enough to respectfully fulfill my collection, I would get out my boom box and sit in front of our console television for hours on end watching MTV in hopes that the latest New Kids special or interview would come on.

When it did, I would rush like a maniac to hit play and record (at the same time), then scream to silence every member of my family. I can't tell you how many interviews with Jordan and Joey I had that also included the lovely backing vocals of my Mother and bonus sound effects like the dog barking or our rotary phone ringing.

Eventually I got my little sister hooked as well and I used her every chance I could to get the things a boy my age just wasn't supposed to have. Remember the New Kids dolls? If I couldn't have them, dammit, my sister was going to. When I was 16 and they toured again, you know I volunteered to chaperone so that I didn't look like I wanted to go.

In retrospect, it's funny the lengths I went to in hopes of hiding my lingering obsession as I got older. Why was I so ashamed? Even though I didn't fully realize I was gay until I was 19, it's the little things like not wanting anyone in high school to know I went the to the NKOTB concert when I was old enough to drive that meant subconsciously I knew something was up.

It wasn't cool or very hetero to be screaming like a little girl from the nosebleeds when Joey took the stage or to almost faint when Danny ripped off his shirt revealing his sweaty bulging upper body, but at the time I just wanted to hang tough with my boys and, right or wrong, dance and sing my heart out.

Even though I grew out of my New Kids phase, it's funny to see how a boyhood crush could live on into my 30's. Last year I got to meet Joey Joe McIntyre and his wife (suppressing urge to call her dirty names for being with my Joey) when the film festival I run hosted the world premiere of his movie On Broadway. I'm not going to lie, there was a part of me that was flustered and all giddy to finally meet him after all these years (I mean, let's face it ... he's still one fine looking man) but I held it together and I may or may not have gone home with Joe that night!

Okay, so I didn't personally go home with him but he did leave wearing the shirt off my back... literally! The festival shirt we gave him was too big so he asked me what size I was wearing and if he could try it on. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I had that shirt off and in his hands before he barely finished the sentence. I insisted that we trade and now a little part of me lives in a New Kid's closet and I didn't have to go to jail in order to make it happen.

Those New Kids are back on the Block with a new tour and a new single and its taking every ounce of strength I have not to buy a ticket to their concert. In the meantime I'll rely on my fond memories of the boys that helped make me the man I am today and watch their new music video on MUTE because the noise coming out of their mouths is not the NKOTB I crushed on years ago.