The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency Recap (Episode 3.06) "Ruffskin, Bad Skin and JP's Blind Date"

Previously on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Oxygen endlessly teased us with lingering shots of Danny, Christian, Michael and Maurice all oiled up and lying atop one another only to leave us to filthy our imaginations for another week.

Thankfully, JDMA delivered the goods last night and we were given all-access passes to the guns and buns show - I mean, the Ruffskin shoot. Photographer Justin Monroe ordered the guys to do some sit-ups and push-ups to supposedly maximize the bulk and to bring the intensity needed for this gay-themed campaign, but who's he kidding?  The amount of butt cleavage was obscene and this was all for the show, baby!

First up, Christian gives us a new take on the classic Americana "hot guy holding tires" picture and I'd kill to see Norman Rockwell paint a version of this scene or to see it hanging up in gay-owned body shops across the Midwest.  The first group shots show my TV Boyfriend Danny Nunez feeling a little self conscious and overshadowed by the other models.

Janice pulls him aside and tells Danny that the others are "blowing him away" and that he needs to be "ferocious" and "ramming" so that he stands out in the photos. I'm not sure if terms like "blowing," "ferocious," or "ramming" are the right adjectives to motivate a straight man like Danny into selling himself in this uber-homoerotic shoot but hell if it didn't work!  Within minutes it's like a Waffle House menu up in that place: the boys are slathered, stacked, buttered and smothered on top of each other and I'm suddenly craving a JDMA model super-stack with extra Danny on the side.

Growing up I never thought that a jockstrap could be so damned sexy but seeing it in the mouth of a straight man is a dream fetishes are made of.  Too bad that the incessant straight talk kills my buzz; every chance possible the models take the opportunity to remind us that they're married or so not gay which is fine and all but I also don't need Janice ramming it down our throats (uh-hum) every five seconds either.  

Thankfully she counters with the following statement:

"We're not a homophobic agency, obviously"

Thank you Captain Obvious! Anyone with eyes and an overpriced designer t-shirt could have told you that! The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency has really embraced out model J.P. Calderon as one of their success stories and aside from the exposure he's been given, the show has chronicled his growth into an out and proud gay man.

In this episode J.P. is set up on a blind date by Janice's son Nathan (which thankfully distracts from the horror show of a date between Nathan and JDMA model Traci).  When Nathan first meets up with Traci and J.P. I feel terrible that J.P. has to be the tag along until Nathan reveals that he's hooking J.P. up with another JDMA model for a double-date!  J.P. couldn't be cuter through this whole process: he's nervous and giddy as a school girl with anticipation until Rodrigo De Carli steps out from the shadows like a beacon of light (cue the god like choir). 

Now if you can look past the obviously staged double date scenario with the cheesy car that has a digital billboard of Traci on it and the trip to Knott's Berry Farms, it is actually a really sweet first date for our two gay (and proud) models.  There amongst all the little kids are two gorgeous men oiling each other up, rubbing each other down and stuffing a foot long weiner in their mouths ... what's not to love?   I was shockingly surprised at how cute their very public first kiss was but have to ask: which one is Lady and which one is the Tramp?

After the water park they head to The Saddle Ranch (very classy) where Rodrigo and J.P. really seem to connect.  The camera does a great job at capturing the nervous little habits inherent in a first date (the finger tapping, the shy glances, the intensity of wanting to kiss the person across from you but asking first...). I nearly get a toothache from watching these two kids interact, it's so damn sweet!

The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency has done a really sincere job at chronicling J.P.'s growth into a very out and proud gay man.  When he came out last season I was so worried that the show would exploit his sincerity and his genuine kindness for ratings but I'm happy to see that they really are taking a very honest approach to this life changing process.  Raise a glass to JDMA's first gay power couple!

So flash foward to Janice discovering that Nathan and Traci went on a date and imagine little cartoon puffs of smoke pouring from her ears.  She's beside herself with anger over how this will look for the Agency and whether or not people will view their dating as favoritism so she puts an end to it.  There's not much worth mentioning here other than the sheer panic in Traci's face when Janice asks her: "So how's my son in bed?"  Oh Janice, always one with the words.

The majority of the episode deals with a new client to JDMA, SensiClear, which is looking to cast "pretty faces with bad skin" for their acne solution infomercial.  Janice holds open castings to find a bunch of broken out faces to present to the client as well as calling in some of the models from her current roster.  Some of these bad-skinned boys look better than a handful of Janice's current roster which makes me wonder where she finds these kids for open casting calls.  Are they just roaming around Hollywood and Vine with their perfect hair, chiseled jawlines, and buff bods?  If so, get thee to that intersection toot sweet!

Now my question is this: if you're one of Janice's models and she asks you to come in for an acne campaign are you delighted or dramatically offended?  I'd need to think about it but apparently the models asked had no problems with it.  Some in fact, like CC, were so moved by being cast that they broke down in tears.  I'm not saying that JDMA is some godsend or something but you watch how girls like CC or newbie Lynette react and you've got to hand it to Janice for giving them the opportunity to free themselves from a tortured life of bad skin.  Oh and the backne, forget it!  SensiClear to the rescue!

*And if you are paying close attention, you'll catch a glimpse of another JDMA couple, Shaun McCarron and Paul Anderson during this casting. It's like a game of Gay Where's Waldo -- how fun!

So how does it all end?  This week's cliff hanger doesn't involve J.P. and Rodrigo or any of the boys but it is deliciously evil in tone so I can't not mention it.  Toward the end of the episode we meet another new client, Tia Browsh, who runs a one of a kind, vintage-like, high fashion boutique called Jack Henry.  She's cute, bubbly and knows exactly what she's looking for in her models.  Janice digs her clothing line and funky attitude.  Crystal, Nyabel, and newcomer Erika show up for the shoot and everything is coming up roses until Erika takes the stage for her first photo shoot as a model. 

Tia Browsh's fun and care-free attitude screeches to a halt and little Reagan from The Exorcist starts spitting pea soup across the room.  Poor Erika is nervous and green (not from the pea soup) and just not nailing the poses needed for the shoot so Tia starts screaming out that her poses are too modeling school and eventually gets in the shot and starts slamming out poses.  I felt so sorry for Erika but so happy that I witnessed that modeling smackdown.  As the episode ends Tia is talking about replacing Erika just as Janice strolls onto set with her dog in tow.  This is going to get ugly. 

That's the joy of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency folks ... you take the good with the bad.