"The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency" recaplet (Ep. 4.06): Designer cracks the whip

Previously on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, the models started shacking up Real World style so this week everyone knew that some of the sexual tension would come to a head *wink wink*

The episode kicks off not with naked pool antics or fist fighting but with shirtless newbie Paul Vandervort trying to put the moves on Traci (seriously has she not learned her lesson yet). The poor kid has no game, but thankfully he's hitting on a model and not trying to impress a Nobel laurete or anything.  The funny thing is that he's totally still hitting on girls by picking on them and making fun of them ... it's grade school all over again.

That was a boring start to the show right?  Well, within minutes a big gay swirling whatsit stormed the JDMA house.  Fashion Designer Merlin Castell is looking to use some of Janice's models for his new high end couture line.  Janice started frothing at the mouth, finally hearing the words "couture" in the same sentence with her agency.  

Designer Merlin Castell, check out that "style turban"!

Merlin is looking for a girl that can give life to his clothes and who has a fierce confident walk, not girls that look like soccer players about to take a sh*t. With his whip in hand, his "style turban" on his head and a mouth that wouldn't stop, he knocked every single model down a notch. He called them fat, he made fun of their style and he certainly didn't appreciate any of their catwalks. Janice convinces him to give her another shot which either means she's about to have yet another open casting call or that she just bought stock in laxatives.

Back on the hot guy front, Janice has been using her super secret spy cameras to catch Chandler Maness calling Traci a whore and a slut for being all flirty with Paul.  Janice confronts the boy and he blatantly lies to her face, telling Janice that not only has he never said that but that Traci is a virgin, prompting the best Janice line of the night: "She's a virgin like I'm a fu*king three-headed ape..."

Chandler gets scolded by Mama Bear

Later that night, "style turban" returns and this time he's wearing some gold russet potato sack of a jumpsuit and the man is still carrying around that whip.  If this isn't a publicity stunt I don't know what one is.  The man hates the JDMA models and seriously is trying to push poor Crystal to the point of suicide with his constant taunting and insistence on her being "too commercial."

Potato sack's ridonkulous walk

J.P. Calderon made a brief appearance to commiserate with Crystal about how bat-crap-crazy Merlin was for calling her "too commercial" and it's funny how they're using J.P. this season.  He's become the color commentator, truly embracing his inner gay diva.  It's kind of fun to see J.P. let loose.

Even after all his mockery, Merlin cast his spell upon a number of the girls which means surely we're in store for a hot mess of a fashion show in the near future.

Because Janice thinks all the girls have "the grace and emotion of a brick wall" she's hired a performance coach (i.e. stripping coach) to help the girls look a little more couture on the runway.  Cindera Che taught them to give a piece of themselves, The Che Way.  With all the slinking, crawling and lingerie in this episode I started to question whether or not Oxygen knows that their audience is not straight men.

The male models return to find their female counterparts doing things the Che Way and suddenly they are the Johns the girls will practice on.  This gives all the straight male models the chance to act like chauvinistic boobs.  Case in point, Sorin...

Thank god the boy's got a body because the brains, not so much.

Thankfully Merlin showed up unannounced because one of the first things he did was give us gays our man candy back...

Newbie Gavyn gets shirtless

Chandler gets ready for some action

Maurice likes what he sees and so do I baby!

Broke straight boys Paul and Danny (I wish)

Even after the movement class, Janice is disappointed in how her models have performed.  Does anyone else think that she needs to start all over again if she wants any chance of making this into a viable agency? 

The straight boys gave Sorin a lesson in the English language and debated the meaning of "sleeping" with someone.  It was incredibly insensitive, immature and embarassing. Same goes for Chandler's temper tantrum over Xian dancing with Danny.

Wacky Merlin returns to torture the girls with the fugliest yoga circus walk runway rehearsal and the girls are having major issues.  With the show only a couple hours away, he starts freaking out on the models.  I can't tell if he's serious or if the man is punking everyone involved because that walk is not high fashion.  

Janice shows up wearing an eye patch, because apparently she scratched her cornea ... should we take bets on how it happened?  I'd love to think it was a kitty litter accident like Aunt Lily on Pushing Daisies.

Of course the fashion show goes off without incident and everything is sunshine and buttercups in The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency.

This show sucked this week.  Between all the flirting, childhood dramas and jealousy I can honestly say that for the first time in a long time, I could actually feel my brain fading away. 

In fact, I think this might be one of the most boring episodes of JDMA ever. Not only was there too much focus on relationships, flirting and being a jealous little brat, there was only one client this week. I was bored to tears, how about you guys?

What did you think? Has JDMA lost it's campy cheestastic fun side while trying to conform to more conventional reality show standards?