Previously on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency... oh come on, you don't think I could recap the glamour, the glitz, the bitch slaps, the gay dates,  the Peter drama, and the onslaught of male nudity that was Season 3, did you?  Instead let's just get right into the Season 4 premiere.

Janice kicks off the show with what else but a casting.  It seems like she's always looking to stir the pot and if that means kicking half of the models out each season, so be it.  Back are her trusty faves:  J.P. Calderon, Crystal, CC,  Kehoe, Traci, Dominic, Christian, Payton, Maurice, Danny and a slew of other models are back, not to mention poor Sorin who's still wearing that damn "Security" half-shirt.  I hope she pays that boy in needle and thread.

Martin Ritchie

Right out the gate we're introduced to my new TV Boyfriend, deaf and gay aspiring model Martin Ritchie.  He's a cross between Heaven and So You Think You Can Dance's Season 2 TV Boyfriend Travis Wall.  I'm sorry Danny Nunez (my Season 3 lover), we've got company in bed and I hope you don't mind that he brings his interpreter along for the ride. 

Among the other newbies to the cast are some folks that are surely going to piss off the models back at the new JDMA model house ...  

Wannabe Xian Mikol thinks she's modeling royalty because everyone in her family including her dog was a model ... Janice thinks she's cute but "heavy" — here we go.  Don't turn her into a Crystal, I beg of you, Janice.  Mia Fields is a little Eva Mendes and ain't nothing wrong with that.  Hazuki Kato could be her new pet project (much like CC last season) — calling all zit remedies.

Gavyn Michaels looks like a hotter and younger Tyce Diorio.  Chandler Maness is ugly-pretty and that works in modeling, thank God!  Paul Vandervort, um the hotness.  Shockingly (and disappointingly) Janice didn't make the boys drop trou ... I'm sad.  We've gone 10 minutes and all we've got are some abs?  This season is starting off on a bad foot (aka no nudity)!

Yeah, like that'll last.

As mentioned before, Janice decided to open a modeling house as her newest "vision" and is closing the Hollywood and Highland office which somehow reeks of major troubles for the agency.  Yes, She's moving in. (Wait, where does that leave her not-model daughter of hers? What's the number to child protection services?!)

Is it wrong that the house looks like a brothel dressed up as a reality TV house after New York and her line of skanks peed all over it?  To spruce up the digs, she call in ... oh God ... Chris Ciccone (Madge's desperate brother) to redesign her JDMA bedroom with his gaggle of gays.  Product placement much?  And I love that he was able to revamp the room into something Bond's M would be proud of in less than 24 hours.  TV Magic at its finest. 

Crystal, Gavyn, Janice, Xian, J.P.

JDMA Model Move-In / Nicolita Swimwear Castings: The original JDMA'ers wander in aimlessly as if they didn't know they were moving in ... I mean, hello they came with luggage yet still tried to play it off like they didn't realize it was a possibility.  Well, given that they have been working with Janice for a while, I guess they should also be aware that things change on a dime ... and they will! 

Janice always has to create the drama so of course she can't just introduce the new kids, she has to pit them against the old timers.  The house will only hold 15 models so a smorgasbord of models will reside and that's not sitting well with Kehoe et al.  The drama...

At the first casting, new kids on the block Chandler and Janice's newest Russkie Polina are picked for the Nicolita casting.  More drama...

Returning gay J.P. Calderon

Here's the first true tragedy of the evening - It took 40 minutes for our fave out gay J.P. Calderon to show up.  He's out of the house and from the previews I've seen, he may be out of the agency sooner than later.  Say it ain't so.  I guess a deaf gay trumps an out boring gay any day!

Shockingly, Kehoe is the first to get naked, the first to piss everyone off, the first to flip-off my TV Boyfriend.  The kids such a tool, but it wouldn't be JDMA without him.

Chandler, Mia, Gavyn, Selina, Hazuki, Xian, Polina, Martin, and Paul aka all the newbies are going to be living in the house which does not sit well.  Dominic storms out; Crystal is pissed because she flew her anorexic ass in from NYC; Maurice gives some lip too.  Do these people not know that this is how Janice rolls?

So this season looks a little game show-ish and a lot fake which scares me some but really, do we want anything resembling normal when we're watching The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency?  I thought not.

The drama continues...