Fake Gay News: Gay couple forced to return adopted ethiopian child. Didn’t go with drapes.

Dateline March, 2006 — Interior designer Walter Johnson-Gould and life partner James Gould-Johnson bid a tearful farewell today to baby Zahaddox, the 7-month Ethiopian child they had adopted two weeks ago.

“It was so hard,” says James. “In the short time we’ve had her we’ve grown really attached! Walter and I have a lot of love to share and we really want to do that with a child of color. Just not this exact color. As you can see, Zahaddox’s complexion, though gorgeous, is “bisque” or in some lights, ‘burnt umber.’ That just wasn’t going to work with our home’s color scheme.

Designer James Johnson-Gould with Baby Zahaddox

The couple, partners in the renowned Beverly Hills design firm, Johnson-Gould Interiors, deflected charges of racism and criticism that perhaps they were placing aesthetic concerns ahead of the child’s welfare. “Racist? Oh please! We didn’t care if our baby was black, white, Asian, boy, girl, or even developmentally challenged. As long as it went with the drapes we’d love it just the same.”

“Unfortunately, she didn’t go with the drapes.”

“There will always be a place in our hearts for Zahaddox, but as interior designers good design is absolutely paramount to us! Our house is a showroom for potential clients so we had to make the hard call and return her to the adoption agency. They have assured us they can find another loving home for Zahaddox. Preferably, a loving home decorated in light, earth tones.”

Baby Zahaddox — Better with earth tones
                                                                         photo source: flickr/babasteve

When asked why they’d brought the child home in the first place, the couple placed part of the blame on the overseas adoption agency. “Their literature said they specialized in colorblind adoptions,” said Walter. “We didn’t know they meant that literally.”

“We were really specific in our application. We told them up front we wanted a nubian-type child with a blue-black complexion. We even attached some color swatches for reference. These obviously were ignored.”

“The Ethiopian orphanage had flourescent lighting and Zahaddox had such a bewitching smile. We really thought it could work! We didn’t know until we actually got her home how badly she would clash with our chenille sectional and imported damask drapes.”

“Still,” James conceded, “we’re kicking ourselves for not taking Polaroids of the living room over to Ethiopia with us.”