Last Night on "Idol": "My Tongue Is Not Nearly As Talented As Yours."

I didn't think it was possible for the insufferable Ryan Seacrest to fall lower in my estimation, but last night he hit a new low of juvenile inappropriateness. He actually turned to guest mentor Adam Lambert and said "my tongue is not nearly as talented as yours." Wink wink groan.

Poor Adam, here he is on live TV trying to live down that AMA performance that so enraged prudes everywhere, and Ryan Seacrest is making veiled references to oral sex. And Lambert is the one who's been accused of lewdness? Geez!

Oh well, Adam did the best he could with that awkward moment. He just smiled and kept his mouth shut. 

So, what else annoying did Seacrest do last night? And how did Adam fare as a mentor? And after the benefit of his advice, how did his nine mentees perform? We'll give you the blow by blow after the break! 

Last night's theme was the music of Elvis, and all the contestants met with Adam on a stage in Las Vegas.

Crystal Bowersox sings "Saved"

Okay, so I've never even heard that Elvis song, but she knocks it out of the park per usual. The only advice from Adam is to go with electric guitar rather than acoustic. Personally, I might have gone farther and suggested she do something about that missing incisor tooth. I love the Bowersox. She's really the only standout this season. But that smile needs some work. Fortunately that's an easy fix.

Andrew Garcia sings "Hound Dog"

Yes, he really did pick his nose. Andrew is apparently
now receiving comedy tips from Ryan Seacrest.

Adam is pretty blunt with Andrew. He tells him his slowed down arrangement of "Hound Dog" is boring, and he really needs to punch it up. Andrew failed to take the advice and he gets hammered by the judges.   

Tim Urban sings "I Can't Help Falling In Love"

Biggest surprise of the night. Adam advises Tim to sing the last line in falsetto, but Urban stays in his lower register. Regardless, it's his best performance ever, and for once makes me glad he's still in this competition.

"I can't help falling in love with your biceps."

The only thing to mar the performance is the sound of the audience tittering midway through. It turns out Ryan Seacrest and last year's 10th place finisher Michael Sarver are serving up the yucks by doing a slow dance just off camera. This has got to be seriously distracting to Tim Urban and I feel sorry for him. Score another obnoxious low blow for Seacrest. He's really on a roll tonight!  

We pause for a weird commercial break where the Burger King "King" is dressed as a cat burglar and breaks into McDonalds headquarters to steal the Egg McMuffin recipe. This is actually a commercial for Burger King. So their strongest marketing message for their new breakfast sandwich is that they stole the idea from Mickey D's? Weird.

Lee DeWyze sings "A Little less Conversation"

Adam tells Lee he really needs to loosen up and smile more. "Have fun with it" That's pretty much the only advice you can give Lee – he has a great voice but he's actually painful to watch. Every time he's on stage he has this pinched expression like a child long overdue for a bathroom break.

Aaron Kelly sings "Blue Suede Shoes"

Was it me or did Aaron seem really nervous meeting Adam? The kid has a really good voice, but his rendition of "Blue Suede Shoes" was a little too on the nose. So on the nose that I'm sort of surprised he wasn't wearing actual blue suede shoes. He needed to change the arrangement up a little.

Siobhan Magnus sings "Suspicious Minds"

Of all the contestants she's the one who seems most starstruck by meeting Adam Lambert. She tells him people have compared her to him, and "she takes it as a compliment." She ought to take that as friggin' miracle. Siobhan might be quirky and belt out big notes, but half the time her singing is like claws on a blackboard. And that's exactly what happens with her rendition of "Suspicious Minds". She could be in trouble this week.

After Siobhan performs, Ryan announces what they have planned for next week's "Idol Gives Back". The show will be broadcast from two venues:  the regular Idol stage and also from the the Pasadena Civic Auditorium. Says Ryan, "I can announce that Brian Dunkleman will host that portion of the show." Oh, snap! Score another low blow for Seacrest.

Next up, Michael Lynche sings "In the Ghetto"

Oh dear lord, when he says Siobhan turned him on to "In the Ghetto" when he was looking for an Elvis number to sing, I thought this is going to be a disaster. It's such a hokey song. But to his credit, Michael's version is less cloying and insipid than the original. It's probably enough to save him this week.

Katie Stevens sings "Baby What Do You Want Me To Do?"

Another Elvis song I'm not familiar with. She's not bad, but I just can't buy all the attitude she's throwing. Still, pre-teen girls probably want to be her, so I'm betting she's safe another week.

Casey James sings "Lawdy Miss Clawdy"

Never heard of the song, but if was pleasant enough and an okay performance. Casey would be great to go hear live at some country dive bar, but it's pretty clear he's never going to be a star.

So, that's it for the performances. For the most part, meh. Since the judges saved Michael Lynche last week that means two contestants will have to go home tonight. I'm betting the bottom three will be Andrew Garcia, Siobhan Magnus, and Casey James – with Andrew and Siobhan going home.

What are your predictions? Other than Adam is going to blow out a live performance of "Whatya Want From Me?"