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News, Reviews & Commentary on Gay and Bisexual Men in Entertainment and the Media

Bad Beefcake: Submissions wanted


*Note: This post originally ran on January 14th, 2008

What do you get when a male celebrity intentionally and self-consciously tries to be sexy? You get bad beefcake. And hey, in my book there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Silly though it is, sometimes bad beefcake is actually sort of cute. Case in point: recently a whole series of photos of Gossip Girl’s Chace Crawford popped on the web. No question the boy is adorable - but he might want to rethink the fringe suede jacket, ten gallon hat and come-hither smile. (Okay, he can keep the come-hither smile.) Now that’s bad beefcake, and I love it.


Anyway, Mr. Crawford’s recent photo shoot got me reminiscing about bad beefcake from years past, and I pulled together some of my favorite photos for AfterElton.com readers to enjoy. Brad Pitt, Ralph Fiennes, Rob Lowe, Mario Lopez, Sean Connery – all beautiful men – but all with very bad beefcake lurking in their closet.

I hope you enjoy the gallery of schmaltz after the break. And hey, if you have any favorite bad beefcake shots of your own, please share the wealth and post them in the comments!

Saved by the Bell's Mark-Paul Gosselaar & Mario Lopez. In these get-ups not even the Bell could save them

Brad Pitt enjoying his morning coffee in comfort.

George Hamilton sucking it in.

Zac Efron being, well, Zac Efron.

Dolph Lundgren

Lorenzo Lamas

Gregory Harrison

These are some of my all-time favorites. Do you know of a particularly egregious bad beefcake shot? If so, please share!

Locksley Hall's picture

OK, so the Sean Connery one

OK, so the Sean Connery one will have me laughing for days, and the Ralph Fiennes one is pretty bad (it would be fine if it wasn't for.... THE HAIR) - but what is that Rob Lowe picture doing in this list??? Come on, he looks hot!
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Brian Juergens's picture

That Sean Connery pic is from Zardoz, isn't it?

What. A. Disaster.
netogeno's picture

Yes it is. But that was for

Yes it is. But that was for a movie, so I guess that was ok? And the one of Ralph on Vanity Fair was from a movie who character had big hair, it was a love story and something about a glass house, oh well its bad.
Dwiz's picture

The 1980's: heyday of Bad Beef

I also think that some of those pics aren't THAT bad. The Bard Pitt pic is pretty hot (although he looks like a deer in headlights), and Zac just has a little too much hair gel but still looks good.

Looking back, I think most of the pics from the 80's will fall into this category. The big hair and make-up alone should see to that. Here are some funnier one's I've found:

The HOFF (The hair alone sends me chills!)

FABIO: (NEVER looked good to me!?!)

MAGNUM P.I. (looked much better WITHOUT the Hawaiian shirt)

 

I'm sure there's tons more of 80's celeb hunks.

Sure they were hunky then, but the style looks funny now.

Dennis Ayers's picture

Brilliant! Love the Hasselhoff

Hey Dwiz - thanks for sharing these. I don't mind Hasselhoff's hair but the vest and camel toe are rather unfortunate. You're right that some of these guys don't look half bad (or at least, didn't look bad for the time period.) But like all meat products, beefcake goes bad eventually.
mindhorn's picture

hilarious!

I also think this one is pretty hilarious - I don't know what I find funnier, the obvious extensions or the bulge.

 

bret michaels

Brian Juergens's picture

how can we not have any Burt in here?!

Show of hands: what's sexier, the bearskin rug or the dangling cigarette?

 

 

Andros's picture

Smoking is so not sexy so

Smoking is so not sexy so I'd pick the bear... the one dead on the floor. ;)
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FAII's picture

I love the caption for Zac

I love the caption for Zac Efron's pic. I hate it how the idiotic tweens are making him the new "Hot Shit". I mean, he didn't even sing in "High School Musical" (1) and how the <b>hell</b> was he a believable high school heartthrob basketball star? He's practically as short as I am and a skinny little shit with little muscle.

BTW, now that we've bonded over our mutual hatred of Zac, you should check out the DS game "High School Musical: Making the Cut" (a shameless ripoff of Ouendan). He looks chubby in all of the pics of him in that game. He must've gained a few pounds inbetween movies. The game is worth playing just for the Zac pics.

Jacob's picture

Some of us do appreciate

Some of us do appreciate twinks, good sir.
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PBuG's picture

Hey.

As a sixteen-year-old with a major thing for Zac Efron, I resent that comment.
Insideguy's picture

I can't believe Dolph still has a career

But Europe is far more forgiving than Hollywood is.  Just ask Sylvester Stallone or maybe Grace Jones. Even if she nabbed a 20 year old husband at the age of 48.  We should all be so lucky.

netogeno's picture

Bad beefcake?

Yikes. Need I say anything.

 

The subject is fine, but I would love to know who was the stylist on this one.

 

  Sorry about the pictures, I still havent gotten this thing down yet.

 

David Ehrenstein's picture

Here's My Favorite Brad

NSFW!

 

http://www.travelgayzette.com/pitt1.jpg

 

As for Lorenzo Lamas --

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0kkPK_WSck

 

Now WHO could resist that? 

 

David Ehrenstein's picture

Chace in that picture --

is trying for a classic early 70's gay porn look. The flat lighting is right. But the smile is too cheerful. He needs a Santa Monica blvd. hustler sneer to make it work. 
JC's picture

Bad Beefcake

Disagree with a couple of the pics, the Marc-Paul and Mario pic is hot, the Dolph pic is hot. (Sorry I love a buffed man).

 

The rest is bad. Wish I could find it but I saw a really horrible picture of John Travolta years ago that has always been on of the worst pics I ever saw of a man.

 

woodroad34's picture

I remember seeing a picture

I remember seeing a picture of Brad  Pitt in the early 80's or real late 70's when he first started modeling.  He had a  mullet, headband, parachute pants and an opened vest. It screamed "GAAAAAY".  I googled it and couldn't find it.
Glenn's picture

Cosmo Centerfolds

1) I don't have it but I remember that on an anniversary issue, they attempted another Cosmo centerfold with The Hoff and what made the picture so awesomely epic was that a puppy was strategically placed to cover his gangly bits.

2)  Cosmo UK have many centerfolds in conjunction with the Everyman campaign (for testicular cancer).  The same one where tennis stars Fernando verdasco adn Tommy Robredo shed clothes to appear naked. If you can find it on fmforums, there are a few there that have cheesiness slathered all over the nakedness, like Brian Friendman of So You Think You Can Dance, another one with the star of Saturday Night Live the musical, even Jack Osbourne.

davincidoodle's picture

Gregory Harrison...

Come on. He's just hot. I don't mind his bad beefcake. Remember that television movie masterpiece where he played a stripper? "For Ladies Only" ? Harrison. speedos. motorcycle. Timeless:  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9jV28s3bTE

Classic BB: Marc Singer in Beastmaster.

Marc Singer

David Ehrenstein's picture

Here's one I took of Brad in the early 90's