John Mayer's Crackup - Not a Sudden Thing. More of a Continuum.

I like John Mayer. I really do. I think he's an enormously talented musician, and his Continuum album in particular is a clutch playlist on my iPod. Plus, you gotta give props to a guy who can rock a lime green thong. I also don't really think he's racist, or anti-gay, or a closet case, or whatever.

But I do think the guy is batsh*t crazy. And/or overindulging in illicit substances every time he gives an interview. How else to explain these ramblings?

From last month's Rolling Stone interview:

On gay rumors
"I don't care about anything other than energy. That's why people think, 'Is he bi? Is he that?' I've never slept with a man. But I get it. I've seen pictures of men on the Internet that are sexier than pictures of most women."

One pleasuring himself
"I am the new generation of masturbator. I've seen it all. Before I make coffee, I've seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week. I mean, I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn't pick up because I'm masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don't jerk off because I'm horny. I'm sort of half-chick. It¹s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It's like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself."

From this month's Playboy:

On dating black women
“I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f***ing  David Duke c**k. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”

On whether he'd ever kissed a guy
"The only man I’ve kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica [Simpson] at the time, and I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody—almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.

[Note, at the time of this incident Mayer denied it happened – although honestly, I'm not sure I'd own up to frenching Perez Hilton either.]

If you think Mayer's preoccupation with gaydom and the race relations of his penis are breaking news, you'd be wrong. Mayer has been flirting with similar themes in interviews for years now. Back in 2006 he told Rolling Stone:

"I bought myself a Playgirl once... I just loved the feeling that there was a porno you really, really weren't supposed to have."

"I'm not worried about how small my penis is — I'm worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks."

This week Mayer took to his Twitter page to apologize for using the "N" word in the Playboy interview. (No apology for using the "F" word, however.) He also tweeted it was "time to stop trying to be so raw in interviews." That's an admirable goal, but unless his handlers do a better job of supervising his interactions with the press, I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of Mayer's "rawness".