Liveblogging "As the World Turns": I'll stand (near)by you, Luke!

Okay, so Brian Juergens has jury duty today, so while he's tampering with twelve angry men, I'm stuck here trying to liveblog the shark-infested waters of As the World Turns. I tuned in to the second half of the show yesterday just to catch up with all the Oakdale goings on and caught that crazy scene where Margo, Matt, Casey and the girl with the unfortunate blonde highlights were all tied up around a ticking time bomb on the coffee table. Who thinks of this stuff? At first I didn't know what it was. I thought maybe they were playing Trivial Pursuit or something. Anyway, the entire affair culminated in Margo channeling Jodie Foster from the Brave One and shooting the villain. The whole thing was laughable, but at least we got to see Casey with his shirt off, and call me surprised. He should just go ahead and leave it off for the remainder of his run on this show.

But hey, other than Casey's fine frame we're not really interested in the Hughes family. Luke & Noah are supposed to be on today's show (hence the liveblogging). The only advance word we've got on their appearance is "Luke has a hard time dealing with Noah's marriage" and "Noah is there to help Luke during a difficult time." Who knows what all this means. Livbeblogs are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Click on through the jump and refresh for to-the-minute updates...

2:50 EDT: Ruby arrives at long last in the courtroom and gives some pat story which sounds a lot like inadmissable hearsay to me. And then she pulls Kit's fake IDs out of her pocket like that's supposed to be a smoking gun or something. Her work now done, she walks out of the courtroom - to be completely forgotten. The judge reverses the guilty verdict. Boo!

2:44 EDT: QAL has the bag lady stowed in the back of her Ford Taurus (I hope she put some papers down - and what did they do with the grocery cart?) They get pulled over for speeding. The cop who pulls them over is kind of awkward and I'm wondering if maybe he's a real cop and not an actor. Things looks pretty bleak, but then MP2.0 flashes his badge and the cop offers to provide them a police escort to the courthouse. Me, I would've been okay with Parker getting sent away for 20 to life.

2:36 EDT: Closing arguments in the murder trial. Good God, but things move fast on this show. Parker should take heart. - even if he's convicted he'll have served out his sentence by the end of next week.

2:24 EDT: QAL and MP2.0 appeal to the crazy bag lady as parents "desperate to save their son." Crazy bag lady spins some yarn about a son she lost - she tells them Kit admitted to killing Sam, but she won't go to court and testify. And hey, how does a bag lady afford a nose job I wonder, because this Ruby's surely had one.

2:21 EDT: At the trial, Tom is examining Parker on the stand. Uh, what happened to stuff like jury selection? Parker is talking about how Sam was going to rape his mother so he had to shoot him - Ameera gets all antsy and runs out of the courtroom. Honestly, that girl is such an attention hog. Out in the hallway she tells Noah that Parker's testimony reminded her "of terrible things." Yeah, me too. Those stupid cowboy dolls.

2:17 EDT:  At the courthouse, Luke, Noah and Ameera arrive and Noah wants to go sit with Ameera - Luke's expression is priceless. It's like Van Hansis can't even bring himself to play this part with a straight face any more.

2:11 EDT: Quaker Oats Lady and Matthew Perry 2.0 are on the mean streets of Oakdale looking for some bag lady. I'm not clear on why, and the handheld camera work is making me queasy. QAL spots one bag lady with a grocery cart and corners her in an alley.

2:04 EDT: Is it just me or are the commercials more interesting than the actual show these days? I just saw an ad for ananthropomorphized musclebound French's mustard container. I thought it was weirdly hot. 

2:01 EDT: Luke asks Noah if he can borrow his class notes because he has to go to court to support Parker. You gotta be kidding. Luke's "difficult time" is his cousin's trial? Oh please. Noah tells him he'll be there to support him and wouldn't you know that third wheel Ameera shows up and says she's going too. Because nothing says "fun afternoon" like watching your cousin being tried as an adult for murder.

1:58 EDT: Here in Virginia they do the daily state lottery drawings live on CBS. I bought a Daily Pick Five ticket this morning and if by some chance I won I'm totally not finishing this liveblog.

Fudge. I didn't win. Carry on.