Liveblogging "As the World Turns": The Colonel's secret recipe

If our sources are to be believed, Colonel Mayer (a.k.a. "Cap'n Pervy") makes his long awaited finger-lickin' return to Oakdale. He has a secret recipe for getting son Noah away from Luke— we're told it involves blackmailing Officer "Heaving Man-Hooters" Riley. 

To find out how things go down on today's show, follow along below, refreshing often for breaking updates!

Special note: I'm subbing for regular liveblogger Brian Juergens today. I am ill-prepared so "when you speak of this in future years...and you will...be kind." (See there, I got in an obscure pop culture reference before the show even started!)

2:02PM EDT: Margo Hughes (aka Detective Clarice) is all mopey. No doubt she's missing her erstwhile houseguest Officer Riley.  Her flesh and blood hottie son Casey isn't able to cheer her up. Hey Casey, take your shirt off. That always cheers me up.

2:05PM EDT: Allison lays into Casey for kicking Riley out of the house and swiping Riley's watch. Poor guy is stuck looking at apartment rental ads - and you know what a bear the real estate market is in Oakdale - I mean this show can only afford three sets.

2:06PM EDT: Ooh, ooh! A fancy new As the World Turns logo. Why does it seem like they stole it from NBC's Heroes? I'm just waiting for Sylar to show up in Oakdale and flip Detective Hughes' head open like a tin can. Dare to dream.

2:08PM EDT: Back to Allison and Butters at the hospital. More about this stolen watch thing. Does anybody even wear watches these days?

2:10PM EDT: Over at the Lillypad, Noah can't get an appointment with Lieutenant Hasbro which means he can't get on the army base to continue filming his documentary. What he needs is a military liaison.  Those aren't exactly hard to come by - take my word for it - but Noah's all ready to throw in the towel.

Luke gives him a pep talk, actually saying "this movie could win you an Oscar!" Oh puhleeze, that's a bit of an oversell based on what we've seen of this documentary so far. I'm just saying. Anyway, Luke convinces Noah they need Office Riley to help them get on the military base. 

2:15PM EDT: That blonde lady that used to sleep with Butters (what's her name again?). She's all verklempt about her stolen eggs. Sorry, I'm late to this storyline - wondering where it's heading. Will she have a clone of herself show up later this summer. Oh that would be awesome!

2:20PM EDT: Noah and Luke meet with Manhooters Riley over at the coffee shop. They hem and haw and finally get around to asking him if he'll liaison with Lieutenant Hasbro over at the army base. Riley isn't exactly sold on this blind date thing. Maybe if they had a picture of Hasbro or something. Noah steps away to take a cell phone call and Luke tells Riley this is his opportunity to show everyone what a nice guy he is. Riley agrees. He'll do this blind date liaison thing with Lieutenant Hasbro. Careful Riley, we hear that Hasbro guy is into toys.

2:25PM EDT: Margo is having a full on emotional breakdown at the hospital. Allison tries to be a shoulder to cry on, but guilt over Riley's stolen watch is crushing her. She goes to her locker and pulls out that Timex. 

2:29PM EDT: Emily Hughes is still kvetching about her 29-year-old stolen eggs. Dr. Larry tells her to forget about the eggs. She should look into having her tubes untied. While she's at it she should look into having her roots done.

2:30PM EDT: Ooh, big confrontation scene at the hospital with Detective Clarice clutching that Timex to her forehead while chewing the scenery. Enter Butters, who sees the watch and gives Allison an "Oh no you didn't" look.

2:33PM EDT: Riley is over at the army base and knocks on Lieutenant Hasbro's office door. A voice inside says "come in."  Someone's smoking a cigar behind the executive desk. The chair swivels around and .... hello Cap'n Pervy!

Says Riley, "I'm sorry, but I knew Lieutenant Hasbro. Hasbro was a friend of mine. And you're no Lieutenant Hasbro! 

Pervy smiles, puffs away and counters with, "Well, you're no Officer Riley!"

2:38PM EDT:  Something about Captain Pervy with that cigar reminds me of Bill Clinton — although Riley is a lot cuter than Monica Lewinsky. Damn but that guy knows how to fill out a polo shirt.

Riley threatens to tell everyone that Noah's father is alive, but Pervy counters by threatening to expose Riley as a fraud unless he does everything he says. Now here's where that cigar comes in....

2:40PM EDT: Cut back to the hopital where Butters is laying into Allison for spilling the beans about the watch to Detective Clarice. She gets all teary and he calms down.

2:41PM EDT:  Officer Riley, fresh from his tiparillo encounter, shows up at the Lillypad and says he has good news and bad news. The good news is he can get Noah onto the army base. The bad news is, Luke can't come with them. 

2:42PM EDT: Margo finds Riley over at the diner, gives him his watch and invites him back home with her. 

2:45PM EDT: More on Emily's missing eggs mystery. She and her doctor friend think they were swiped for medical experiments. I swear, we are heading for a clone storyline! Anyone remember Reva's clone on Guiding Light? But if you're going to clone someone on this show, why Emily? If there's anyone we need two of it's Butters.

2:55PM EDT: Riley takes a call from his puppetmaster Captain Pervy and tells him it's all set - Noah is coming, alone, to the army base. What do you want to bet Luke disguises himself as a WAC and sneaks onto the base?

Previews: No Nuke, but looks like they found Emily's missing eggs. Bummer, I was hoping for some clone action.

So, what did you think of today's show? Happy to have Pervy back?