Tightening their belts: Hard times storylines for TV’s favorite gay couples

This week has brought some disturbing news from the financial markets. Big names like Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch  and AIG tumbled, the stock market had its biggest single day drop since 9-11, and we even hear that hundreds of U.S. banks are teetering on the brink of bankruptcy. It almost sounds like we’re heading into another Great Depression.  (And no, I’m not talking about that year you turned 40 and gained twenty pounds.)

Television is a mirror to our reality, so it’s only a matter of time before hard times hit on our favorite scripted TV shows. That got me to wondering how our most popular super couples might fare in a serious economic downturn...

Brothers & Sisters’ Kevin & Scotty
The family produce company, Walker Foods gets in trouble after Uncle Saul does some speculating in mortgage-backed citrus. When tangerine futures go south, the family finances are squeezed and Walker Foods files for bankruptcy. As company CEO, Sarah gets a lucrative golden parachute, but everyone else is pretty much screwed.

It turns out that Kevin’s position at his downtown LA law firm was actually dependent on his bringing in corporate business from Walker Foods – so he is quickly fired. Kevin has trouble finding a new position, so after a month the bank forecloses on his downtown loft apartment and he and Scotty are reduced to living in Scotty’s Dodge Rambler.  Fortunately, Scotty manages to keep his restaurant job (which, as we’ve seen, consists primarily of de-boning poultry). The two men are poor but happy – though sometimes Kevin laments that Scotty always smells like raw chicken, and without health insurance the two live in constant fear of salmonella.

As the World Turns’  Luke & Noah
You would think that with his massive inheritance Luke Snyder née Grimaldi would be insulated from any economic downtown, but he’s on a soap opera after all, so when his foundation and trust fund accounts are embezzled by foundation exec (and throw pillow enthusiast) Brian Wheatley, Luke and Noah are left penniless and are reduced to living in a tent out in the woods. With Grandma Emma. (The Snyder farm got repossessed.)

The destitute couple steals a campfire kiss every few weeks, but they agree to table any discussion of sexual intimacy until the economy improves.  

Forbidden Love’s Christian & Olli
The German boxing insurance market collapses, meaning Christian can’t get anyone to underwrite his professional fights. Then the “No Limits” coffee shop closes and Olli is out of a job. Desperate to keep a roof over their heads, the couple brainstorm possible moneymaking ventures.

None seem particularly lucrative until the couple accepts an offer to appear in an adult film by Cazzo. They are a big hit, and Gregor volunteers to manage their burgeoning porn career.

Torchwood’s Captain Jack & Ianto
British government budget cuts mean that Torchwood is evicted from its posh secret underground facility and must fight dangerous rift activity from the back of a Cardiff kebab shop. They pay their rent in pterodactyl meat.

Layoffs are required and since Gwen was the last hired she is given her pink slip, proving that every cloud has a silver lining.

Of course, these hard times storylines are from my own fevered flu-ish imagination. I’m hoping that AfterElton.com readers have some alternative poorhouse plotlines for your favorite TV characters. If you do, please share them in the comments.