IMHO: "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" (2.8) "A New Kind of Green"

Posted by

on August 11, 2009

After last week's chaos, we have Ashley and Griffin making a pact. But can they stick to it? Do both of them have equal opportunity to break it? And can one of my favorite shows return to an up arrow? Find out below!

We don’t care about the first 32 minutes of the show, which revolve around George and Ann and their future living arrangements.

In a nutshell, all the main character couples Ben/Amy, Adrianne/Ricky, and Grace/Jack, have insanely jealous girls, and oblivious, horny guys. The only ones with a right to be jealous are Adrianne and Ricky, and since both are cheating, and both know it, no harm, no foul, right?

Ashley and Griffin walk down the hall together discussing whether he can come over to her house, and he finally wrangles an invite to watch The Twilight Zone. Frankly, I feel like I'd stepped into the show. Where is the quirky little show I used to like?

What show am I watching?

Ashley gets approached by a guy, and Griffin sends him away, saying she’s not interested. Evidently offscreen they made a “no dating boys until after high school pact.” She thanks him.

Ashley is grateful for Griffin's support honoring their pact against cute boys.

Griffin then gets the same intro approach from a boy, but Griffin looks at him and says “We’ll talk later.” He then steers Ashley down the hall, and she questions his commitment to their pact. So do I. And are there this many comfortably out boys in high schools these days who just introduce themselves in the halls and try to make dates?

I suddenly feel cheated on my high school experience. I had no hot, gay 23yo to hit on.

A bunch more stuff happens that’s really awful to watch.

While George and Ashley wait in the driveway for Adrianne’s parents to finish viewing their house which they're considering buying, Griffin walks up and knocks on the car window and introduces himself to George as Ashley’s gay friend.

It's like Homosexuals Anonymous: "Hi, I'm Griffin, and I'm gay."

OK, I’m not this out, and I write about gay TV for a gay website owned by a gay network. It’s on my freakin’ resume and business cards.

George loves the idea of the gay friend. He then makes a rather amusing quip to Ashley about whether she thought this was how her high school Friday nights would be, sitting in the driveway with her dad and her gay friend. Not to be outdone, Ashley says at least she’s not pregnant.

He's 23. See the wrinkles on the high school student?

If that’s the highlight of your life, can I suggest running away to join the circus? Monkeys make everything better.

See - don't you feel better just looking at them?

So why the droopy down arrow? In a nutshell, I find every character on the show except Ashley and Griffin has become self-involved and completely unlikeable.

Ben’s gone from sweet to doormat.

Grace has amplified her self-righteous attitude. Jack is tolerating Grace for no apparent reason.

Ricky used to have serious issues he was getting counseling for that caused his sexual compulsion. Now he’s sleeping around to be a d!ck. Adrianne used to use sex for liberation, now she uses it for control.

Amy passed bitter four episodes ago, heading into uncharted territory I don’t have adjectives to describe.

Ann and George are less mature about their relationship than the kids.

Ashley is still strong willed and confident, and I’m kind of fond of the girl’s spunk.

It's an interesting concept, Gay Best Friend. It just can't save this show.

As for Griffin, the reason I’m writing this: I don’t find him to be real. I don’t believe he walks up to people saying “Hi, I’m Griffin and I’m gay.” I don’t believe there’s a high school in the world where gay freshmen are openly hitting on each other in the hallway. I just find the character to be such a ridiculous construct, and the openness of the high school to be so over-the-rainbow I can’t buy in.

Harvey Milk High isn't as cruisy as Grant High School.