Afternoon Meme: Fox Builds on "Glee," CBS Announces "Hawaii Five-O" and "Chicken-Monkey-Duck!"

Plus Shia takes the blame for Indy, what will Joseph Gordon-Levitt look like at 50, and Sir Ian makes everything sound perfect.

Despite everything else happening today, there will be nothing you do that is more important than Chicken Monkey Duck! (Goose). You're welcome.

I'm fascinated with the number of Oscar winners working on highly commercial films. Charlie Kaufman, who won for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is working on the script of Kung Fu Panda: The Kaboom of Doom. I guess you have to pay the rent somehow.

Shia LeBeouf has taken the blame for Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull being so terrible. Acceptance is the first step to a cure, Shia, and you seem to be addicted to big movies you can't carry. Maybe it's time to go do an Even Stevens film about you graduating from college? Too much of a stretch?

The Bilerico Project points us to professional poker player Vanessa Selbst. She's also a Yale Law student, and ESPN happily identifies her lesbian partner as such by the ESPN commentators, right on par with the other competitors.

I hesitate to bring it up, but there is a Facebook group trying to get 1,000,000 people against Pink Satan appointing himself the GLBT spokesman. Frankly, I think his time in the sun is fading, and this just gives him the attention he thrives on. Pink Satan also reported today the shocking news that CBS was canceling Guiding Light.

E! continues their poll for The Last Real Man in Hollywood, and it's down to the final four - Johnny Depp, Hugh Jackman, Matt Damon, and Robert Downey Jr, which just proves to me that it's mostly straight people voting and not people with taste like ours in the Hot 100. Still, I can't begrudge these boys their good looks.

Fox has released their new fall schedule and the big news is all about Glee, which moves to Tuesdays at 8 PM to kick off their new comedy night. Ryan Murphy was against the 8pm time slot, and I'm worried they'll pressure him to make it more "family friendly" - whatever that means. On the other hand, they're giving Glee the coveted post-Super Bowl slot, so they may not want to kill the goose that laid the Golden Egg. In overdue news, American Idol results shows are now only 30 minutes, meaning Seacrest only has to stall half as much.

Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, a likely presidential candidate, has vetoed a law that would have given gay partners rights over funeral arrangements. I can't provide PG-13 commentary on this so I'm just going to let it lie.

CBS has announced some more pickups in addition to Mike & Molly. Tom Selleck's Blue Bloods cop show is a go, and ironically, so is Hawaii Five-O with Alex O'Loughlin. It's weird to think of Selleck returning, and a show set in Hawaii, and they're not one-in-the-same. CBS is also running with a Criminal Minds spinoff starring Forest Whitaker. Do they do anything besides procedurals anymore?

Did you notice Justin Bieber is no longer a Trending Topic on Twitter? It's because Twitter tweaked the algorithm to make something "trending" only when it is something real trending upward "trending" upward, not about something that tweens talk obsessively about all the time. Teens are outraged (seriously!).

In news that's going to terrify several people around here, Bruce Willis has signed up to join the sci-fi movie Looper, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Why are folks going to be upset? Because Willis is to play an older JGL. Yep! That's what producers think JGL will look like at 50.

Jesse Eisenberg is playing Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network, a new film about the man who was the world's youngest billionaire. It's not a pretty picture of a geek who wanted to party and do drugs instead of executing an idea, and comes on the heels of all the bad press Facebook has been getting lately.

By all accounts, Heroes' Greg Grunberg is one of the nicest guys in Hollywood, so the fact that he's being promoted to series regular on Love Bites after Heroes was dumped is a good thing. I'm still not sure how they'll take his plotline in the pilot about trying to join the Mile High Club with Jennifer Love Hewitt (playing herself) into a regular story, but careers have been built on less.

Joss Whedon talks about being "in someone else's house" directing Glee, and throws a few good-natured jabs at guest star Neil Patrick Harris. What really scares me most is him talking about the"story's coherence" which isn't something I've come to expect from Glee.

Some people who can probably balance their checkbooks have figured out a solution to a 140-year-old math problem called the Boltzmann Equation. What concerns me most is that according to the article, we've been using the equation to model chemistry and physics for over a 100 years, but had never actually proved it was right. Mathematicians are worse than Glenn Beck fans when it comes to blind faith!

Speaking of math, Joe.My.God has a chart that says it's socially acceptable to date someone who is half your age + seven years. That means I can date down to 26-year-olds, which still keeps me outside that age range of people who think it's socially acceptable to text during sex. Perfect!

I don't know what to think of Twilight: Eclipse when Taylor Lautner starts talking about his new-CGI werewolf alter-ego like this: , "It was very cuddly. I don't know if that's what we were aiming for." 

Both Sofia Vergara and Jesse Tyler Ferguson are spending the summer in New York City, her filming Smurfs, him doing theater. But they do seem to find some time to hang out together at somewhere with a fabulous view.

I'm only guessing from their faces, but there may be alcohol involved.

Our Hot 100 #2 (but our #1 FUB) Scott Evans was at a fan soap event in Florida, bartending for charity when he sent this. Scott, I don't know about you, but most bartenders at places I go don't wear shirts and get bigger tips. Since your tips were for charity...

He could have taken on for the team.

It's Monday, and Mondays suck (just look at me, on a borrowed computer in a house I tracked down with electricity, which mine is missing), so I got you something to brighten your day.

Shh...don't tell your trainer.

I'm still reviewing the previews that NBC has released for their fall shows, but The Chase, about some U.S. Marshalls, leaped out at me due to the beefcake in the tank top. Is that the uniform for Marshalls these days? Please say it's so.

This conversation between our hero on The Cape and what I'm guessing is his mentor is fairly intense. But picking out a costume is perfect, because not everyone can pull off spandex. Plus we have the admonition from Edna in The Incredibles about having an actual cape on your outfit, but based on the show title I'm guessing it's a given.