Afternoon Meme: Joy Behar Gives "Newsweek" a Pass, Casting Sue's Parents, and "Modern Family"'s Gayest Line Ever

Plus, talking with Louis Van Amstel, Jake's fear of ostriches, Daytime Emmys are a bust, Sofia Vergara's little friend, and finally someone asks if MMA isn't just a little gay!

Spurf™ asks a valid question: Since we’ve met Sue Sylvester’s sister, she needs parents. Who could possibly play her parents? I’m thinking Ed Asner as her dad, but all of my first choices for mom have passed away, like Bea Arthur or Dixie Carter. Ideas?

Glee’s Ryan Murphy has written a doozie of letter demanding a boycott of Newsweek over the horribly self-hating articles by Ramin Setoodeh. Which makes sense, since an editor somewhere agreed to publish the trash. It’s one thing for Setoodeh to basically admit that he can’t write if we don’t understand what he meant, but when my articles don’t make sense, Michael doesn’t publish them.

If you’re like me, you lie awake nights wondering about what happened to the kids from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory once they grew up. Well, wonder no longer, because our friends at The TorchOnline.com have caught up with Veruca and the gang.

You know how they say that space is a big empty place? Well, really it’s not empty, it’s just that there’s not much interesting out there. But now scientists have found a spot that really is empty – a giant hole in the gases and stars that populate deep space. And nobody has any idea what it is.

Disney just reported record profits, and they were at a loss as to how to make even more money, then they realized there was a space in Florida they hadn’t built a hotel on yet. And more shockingly, with all their themed hotels, they don’t have one for their cartoon movies. The new Art of Animation Resort will add 2,000 rooms to the existing 26,000 on the Disney property, and have wings themed after Little Mermaid, Cars, Lion King, and Finding Nemo.

Someone paid $28.6 million for a Jasper Johns painting of an American flag. Nothing fancy, just a flag. When asked why they gave Michael Crichton’s estate that kind of money, for something flying over every post office, they new owner said art was a great place to stick $30 million “as a hedge against currency fluctuation.”

Bill Lawrence is the man behind the admittedly funny Cougar Town, but he says that if it were up to him, he’d rename the show Friends and Family, because it’s changed since he pitched it, and it really is about Courtney Cox as a matriarch of an unconventional family that chose each other. Any chance they can choose a gay friend instead of just making gay jokes?

New York City has kicked off a campaign to paint one million square feet of city rooftop white to save energy and reduce the heat. I’m surprised that no one made it a law.

Comedy Central hascanceled The Sarah Silverman Show. I’ve never been a huge fan of Sarah’s comedy, but I know a lot of you like it.

Scientists have been puzzled for years how the giant brontosaurus and other monstrous dinosaurs were possible. See, it’s a rule that says the bigger the animal, the more time required each day to eat to support the body weight. Elephants eat 18 hours/day. There just aren’t enough hours in a day to support some dinosaurs. Well, the secret is that they break one of the rules of childhood – they didn’t chew their food.

Here are the Daytime Emmy nominations. Ellen got a bunch of nods, but all of our boys like Van Hansis, Brett Claywell, and Scott Evans were robbed. CBS probably shouldn’t have committed to televise them this year.

The New York Times has this really neat Moment In Time feature where you can sort photographs from all over the world on a globe. Let it load for this particular shot I marked before you waste the rest of the day on it.

Imagine a Coldstone Creamery order that used every one of their toppings and included enough ice cream to support said toppings. It's real and it's called the Every Topping Under The Sun-dae. I don’t buy that it cost $25.00, since I’ve paid more than that for a milkshake there, but I am impressed that one guy ate it all. I’m even more impressed by how cute the one onlooker is.

Iman is bringing a bit of class to Bravo, signing on to host Fashion Show’s second season with designer Isaac Mizrahi.

Rick Astley has a new song. No word yet on whether it’s going to get appropriated into an Internet Meme that just won’t die.

There’s a satellite up in the air right now that they’ve lost control of, but it’s still transmitting video signals. That’s a problem, because it’s drifting into the path of a much more important satellite that distributes cable channels to every operator in the U.S. They’re estimating if they don’t’ find a solution, we’ll have interference blocking channels just in time for the new season of Leverage.

Jake Gyllenhaal is afraid of ostriches. Generally, this is the type of fear that’s solved by just not going near any ostrich farms, but in Jake’s case, Prince of Persia featured ostrich races. I bet Brokeback Mountain’s horses are looking pretty good to Jake about now. h/t FakeName

Just when I thought TMZ couldn't get any lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut, this page happened.

I'm trying to figure out how many groups you offend with this. I'm not good at math.

I keep forgetting Sofia Vergara is starring in Smurfs with NPH. She's got a little friend, too.

If they could figure out how to take the human out of the equation, they would.

Mmmm. Bacon.

Jupiter is suddenly missing a stripe. Nobody is sure if this is normal, a sign of an alien invasion, or if it just wanted a more slimming look for summer.

We never should have let Monk go off the air, he could have solved it.

Liza has a new album come September, but we have the art today.

It's a good thing the cat is full of milk.

Today, from the world of advertising, we're going to focus on food. First up, Kettle Chips Sea Salt flavor.

Then we have the love affair between our clothes and stains. I only eat Italian food while wearing black.

And for your daily dose of cute - who hasn't done this in the tub?

Joy Behar sat down with her gayest panel yet, Dan Savage, Amanda Bearse (Married...with Children and Big Gay Sketch Show), and Newsweek writer Ramin Setoodeh to talk about his article. The gist of the discussion seems to be that Ramin, like me, isn't cut out for a job writing, because he's not capable of saying what he meant, because he rewrites his article every time he talks about it, and uses examples that don't support his point. On top of it, I find his argument that no one talks about this topic ridiculous, since NPH has discussed it on The View, Rupert Everett won't shut up about it, and it's the reason AfterElton.com and AfterEllen.com exist.

Major props to Amanda for keeping the discussion grounded. And also, I'd like to add that journalists do not get to whine about being victims of feedback when they do crap stories. If people yell at you via Twitter, you are not a victim, and you need to stop making yourself the story. Cronkite would be ashamed of you.

Last night on Dancing With the Stars, Niecy Nash and Louis Van Amstel got voted off the show. Despite my differences with her in the past, I have to admit Niecy's funny and charming. And Louis has the biggest smile I've ever seen.

The Onion News Network brings us what I'm sure is going to be the new show paired with Glenn Beck on Fox News Network. It would be #1 in my area.

Last night on The Daily Show, Jason Jones reported from a church that spreads the word of Jesus through Mixed Martial Arts fighting. He gets in some obligatory Jesus-was-a-carpenter jokes. And yes, eventually he does have to ask the MMA fighters "Isn't this whole thing a little gay?"

On tonight's Modern Family, we discover that while Mitchell may have an issue with PDA, he really is the more stereotypical one in the relationship. After all, "The Lavendar Ranch is something two men are meant to do together."