Afternoon Meme: Star studded NewNowNext Awards, Cyndi Lauper Sings the Blues, and Pity Jason Arkemanis

Plus Supreme Court Justices are clueless, a fish counter is not an appropriate place to discuss sex with Kim Cattrall, and Happy Towel Day!

Students in Washington D.C. have been claiming that the free Durex condoms the schools are giving out are too small, so they plan to start giving out the larger, more expensive Trojan Magnums. There’s no word on whether this will protect them better from HIV/AIDS, but it certainly protects their ego, at least until they try to wear them.

Defense Secretary Gates has grudgingly accepted the White House compromise with Congress on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. I remember the days when his job was to say “I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States” and do what he was told.

How do you take a great article about how a study says you don’t have to market products only by guys with six-packs and 2% body fat, and make it horribly offensive? Include this: participants ''may have attributed the models' muscularity to vanity or homosexuality, characteristics which they may have found unpleasant or discomforting.” Great job making fat kids feel better at the expense of gay kids.

Presenters have been announced for Logo’s NewNowNext Awards June 17^th. Lady Gaga is back on the show that I first saw her on, along with Johnny Weir, Kelly Osbourne, Jesus Luz, Mena Suvari, Regina King, and Candis Cayne, amongst others. 

Charming Aussie footballer Jason Arkemanis has had his house and car egged following his remarks that gay footballers should stay in the closet so he doesn’t have to worry about them in shower noticing his carpet doesn’t match the drapes. Or the couch, really. Dude, what’s up with the hair?

Happy Towel Day!

I present to you the single greatest story lead ever written in the history of journalism: “The Brevard County doctor who was arrested for groping a woman while dressed as Captain America with a burrito in his pants will not go to jail.” And yes, there’s more to the story.

You know the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? While it’s definitely the most visible of BP’s problems, it’s far from the only problem the company has with safety.

A woman sitting in the audience of a court room, not up on any charges, was jailed for two days for contempt of court for what her t-shirt had printed on it. Talk about activist judges imposing their agenda on people…

This New Yorker cartoon was pointed out to me by reader Jamie. We’re currently accepting donations to have it printed wall size for editor Michael Jensen’s office (I’m joking about donations - those all go to the buy-Ed-a-trip-to-Disney-World-fund).

Speaking of reader notifications, Janet tells me that AfterElton favorite Cassidy Haley is going to be performing at Vancouver Pride in July. We’ll bring you details of which night as soon as we have them.

Vulture’s daily summary of celebrity quotes is the highlight of my day. On this occasion, I’m fond of Kim Cattrall requesting you don’t discuss Samantha’s sex life with her while in line at the fish market with your 13-year-old daughter, and Lady Gaga’s statement about the rumors surrounding her gender – that is empowering.

Hollywood is so cute – they think we’ll pay $30 to rent their movies 30 days after they hit the theaters just to avoid the hoards of teenagers at the movie theaters. Wait – only $30?

I had forgotten to mention that Jason David Frank, who was Tommy, the Green Ranger-turned-White Ranger on Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers has a clothing line featuring Jesus as a wrestler. Not precisely “turn the other cheek” is it?

Wolfram-Alpha is supposed to be a smart search engine, capable of looking at sets of information and interpreting the data for you. It just came to my attention what happens if you search for the term "meme" and I have to admit, this stings just a little.

Somebody coding you said "It's not you, it's me" didn't they?

I had been saying nice things about Megamind, despite the fact that it was a Will Ferrell movie, and Will Ferrell movies always go for stupid, insulting, lowbrow humor. But since this was a kids movie, and had Brad Pitt and Tina Fey in the cast, I had hope.

This is hope after a supervillain gets his hands on it.

And for your daily dose of cute, I'm bringing out the big guns - David Tennant holding a kitten!

I don't normally watch Celebrity Apprentice, or reality television in general. But I had heard that Cyndi Lauper was going to perform from her upcoming blues album on the show, so I kept it on quietly Sunday night and was rewarded. It took them two days to get the performance on Hulu for me to share with you - behold "I'm Just Your Fool" from her upcoming album Memphis Blues. The single is available on iTunes already.

One would hope that our Supreme Court justices are well informed on a variety of subjects, as their rulings can affect society for decades. So when they are participating in a panel at Congress, you might  understand my alarm when Justice Scalia admits he's called Mr. Clueless at home. Justice Breyer fairs a little better.

You should be aware that if you intended to vote in Nevada while on your way to or from your job standing in front of a Kenny Roger's Roasters giving out coupons, you need to bring a change of clothes.

Logo's Clicklist brings us this summer tune called "Coming Out 2 Play" by QBoy. I'm not sure what's best about this, the hot guys making out, or that fact that music from my heydays in the 1990s is old enough to be back in fashion.