Daytime Drive By (July 15, 2009)

Having trouble keeping up with the many gay boys cropping up on U.S. daytime soaps these days? We're here to help with our new regular feature Daytime Drive By, where we give you the rundown on Luke, Rafe, Fish and all the rest of the gay gang. Look for DDB whenever we don't have a liveblog and something gay happens on daytime television that you just have to know about!

In today's Drive By we're taking a surprise swing through Genoa City, as Y&R's Adam plots Ashley's wedding present, then continue on to Llanview for Layla's first day at work.

Genoa City

So we didn’t have plans to make a stop in Genoa City today, but we got a little surprise. The writing on Y&R is such that even when our gay characters aren’t the featured story, they’re part of the story. Hey, ATWT! This is how you do it.

So. Victor and Ashley are going to get married, spur of the moment. You’ve got Abbey, Ashley’s daughter present, and she gets asked to be Maid of Honor. Adam, sitting in a chair since he’s soiled every couch in the mansion, gets asked to be best man because he has been so protective of Ashley and the baby she’s not having.

Cut to the potting shed, and crazy cat lady looking at the beautiful dress Adam gave her to crash the wedding in. It used to belong to Sabrina, the dead wife of Victor who’s been “haunting” Ashley. Has Adam figured out how to make Mary Jane take the fall for the gaslighting? Montgomery Burns could learn a thing or two from Adam about evil.

So Adam slips out of his monitoring bracelet and out the window to visit Mrs. Slocombe in the potting shed. He realizes her cat hasn’t moved since she came into the shed, leading to an exchange I can’t possibly do justice to. Suffice it to say he questions her sanity for keeping a stuffed cat, and she counters that “He’s keeping a woman hidden in his daddy’s potting shed. Which is more twisted?”

Touché!

They agree to table the issue in favor of planning the sequel to Wedding Crashers. After the ceremony, Adam will get Ashley alone, text Mary Jane, and she’ll run past the window, dressed as Sabrina, sobbing, and thereby sending Ashley deeper into Crazytown, USA than either of them.

These two seem to want to have a "I'm crazier than you" contest.

Adam slips into his window just in time for Victoria to knock on his door and start a catty conversation about his date for the wedding. She asks him if he broke up with Heather. Is she going to ask him if he broke up with Rafe, too? You can so tell she’s dying to.

Mary Jane can't follow a plan once her crazy gets away from her, and she appears at the window far too early, causing Ashley to faint into Victor's arms, and Adam to look like he'd rather discuss his sex life with Victor than be standing in that room.

Tomorrow, we'll be back with Phillip's self-absorbed screaming with his mother and Katherine. Until then, discuss:

• Is Adam going to pin the gaslighting on Mary Jane?
• Will Mary Jane out Adam?
• Will Victoria come to Adam's defense, since she seems to have a soft spot for her "closeted" half brother?
  

Oakdale

This is why I'm here now - there are just too many gays on daytime to keep up with. While I'm spending my day driving between Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, snicks has been keeping an eye on the original gays of daytime, Luke and Noah, as they meet Professor Mason.

Am I the only person that thinks ATWT would be more fun if they let Forbes March keep his powers from Mutant X? In any case, check out his liveblog here.

Llanview

We last saw our police officer and his former fraternity brother separately, each having reactions to Fish dating his roommate Layla. Evidently Kyle has taken his gigantic book back to the library, because he's MIA today.

Tea and Cristian bump into each other at the hospital, where they reminisce about the various members of the Lewis family that have screwed up their lives at some point in the recent past.

Evidently a Rebecca Lewis blew up Tea at some point, which always spoils the rest of your week. Of course, we know Cristian poured coffee for Kyle Lewis until he got this reaction from him at the thought of Fish dating a woman.

Oliver Fish is dating his roommate? Not you — the female roommate?

Meanwhile, Officer Fish is trying to show Layla the ropes at her new job at the police station, but his bravado is being hampered by her boss not showing up to work because he’s making out with a character we don’t care about.

Cristian is still at the hospital talking about Fish with this Tea woman, but I keep getting distracted by his biceps. With those guns, Cristian should be the cop. Or a professional hugger. My professional hugger.

Meanwhile, at the police station, Layla talks to Fish about the results of their date the night before, best illustrated by these pictures:

Most girls might be suspcious at this point

Layla seems to think she needs to be taken seriously at work. Where she’s a secretary. Ahem. You’re a secretary, not an ambassador to the United Nations. Fish starts to panic that his beard is dumping him for not putting out. Personally, I think it’s because he’s the only actor in the history of soap operas to ever wear an undershirt.

Layla assures Fish that she still intends to show him all her lady bits in private, but at work they’re strictly professional, so she can be seen as something other than a cop’s girlfriend. You can see in Fish’s eyes, he’d rather play pretend at home and flaunt that he’s got a girlfriend at work.

We're not scheduled in Llanview again this week. So while we're spending our days in Genoa City, let's think about some plot points:

• How long until Roxy outs Fish & Kyle?
• Why is Fish wearing layers on a show that prizes beefcake?
• The show added a day player lifeguard the last two days to up the man candy quotient. Does ABC rock or what?