Daytime Drive By (July 23, 2009)

This is what I imagine Noah is doing while Luke is making decisions.

Having trouble keeping up with the many gay boys cropping up on U.S. daytime soaps these days? We're here to help with our new regular feature Daytime Drive By, where we give you the rundown on Luke, Rafe, Fish and all the rest of the gay gang. Look for DDB whenever we don't have a liveblog and something gay happens on daytime television that you just have to know about!

Today we're headed straight to Oakdale, as snicks took us live to Genoa City in a liveblog. Check out what Luke's done this week to make Holden's head explode:

Oakdale

We open with our pretty, pretty princess Luke talking to Lily on the phone, finding out grammy Lucinda is going to buy the university a library or spaceship or something to get him back in school. She wants him to come home for a meeting; he wants to blow her off and pretend to work at the Foundation for Kidz Hoo Don’t Read Gud.

Damien explains to Luke that money makes the world go around, and his sudden attack of morals about using money to get back into school is naïve (not to mention uncharacteristic). He then does a very dangerous thing with Luke – he asks him what he wants.

Damien reminds Luke that rules are for poor people.

Let me just say it’s so marvelous to see Lucinda sweep into a room. She tows a day player behind her, and they pretend he’s a college dean.

Luke is telling Damien that school feels a little bit too much like a chore. Damien tells him not to go then, and says he should get a job. The show realizes how utterly silly this is, and has Luke acknowledges he has no skills, and even if he did, the economy sucks and nobody needs a hair model.

Luke begins to understand how cool his life is compared to other people.

Damien perks up and asks Luke to joini Grimaldi Shipping Lines. He totally makes it sound like Luke would be doing him a favor, which Luke just laps up. I’m imagining the mess when Holden’s head explodes.

Damien says he’d learn from the waterline up, and he’d get to travel. Somehow, I don’t see Luke as a deckhand on Deadliest Catch. Damien does the whole misty-eyed “hand the business down to my son, then you to your sons” thing, and Luke throws “gay” in his face again, and Damien swats it down faster than Obama does a fly in a press conference.

Lucinda calls and demands Luke’s presence to plead his own case, and he waffles, but she’s having none of it. She demands he drop whatever he’s doing and present himself to grovel.

Luke and his golden locks enter the Lily Pad and announce that he’s going to work for bio-dad instead of going back to school. From the looks on their faces, we might have head explosions all around.

Holden finds out he put on his beggin' suit for nothing.

After the dean confirms he gets to keep the spaceship, he leaves, and Lucinda is the first to tell Luke he’s a disappointment. They go on and on about Damien being a crook and a liar, while Luke defends him.

Holden goes to storm off and beat the Damien out of Luke’s life. Lily wants first crack though, and knocks over a candy dish on the way out.

Luke goes all smart-aleck on Lucinda, and she reads him the riot act in the way only she can. It’s breathtaking.

Lily attacks Damien at the hotel, and he reminds her that Luke has sprouted hair on his chinny-chin-chin, and can make up his own mind. Lily actually tries to throw down some sort of gauntlet with Damien, but it really comes off as more of a negligee.

I'm not sure - is this Lily angry or horny?

The Lily fear seems to be the crazy, mobster Grimaldis, and actually brings up Z-Twins from a few months back. Surprised they remembered.

Luke claims that accepting Damien doesn’t mean rejecting Holden. Then Lily walks in with Damien, and has completely succumbed to Grimaldi mind control on the ride over, because she’s on Luke’s side now.

Ahh, young Jedi, the force is stronger in me.

Holden caves to Damien so his head doesn’t explode, but Lucinda follows Damien out and basically tells him she’s stalking him now.

Oooh! Tomorrow we have Luke’s stubbornness vs. Lucinda’s will. This will be a fun return trip, even if Noah stays wherever they keep him on off days. Until then, let's consider:

• Is it possible this job was Damien's original plan, and the ATWT writers are having an actual story arc?
• Why, oh why isn't Lucinda in more scenes?
• Are we due to have more evil Grimaldis in Oakdale?