Daytime Drive By (July 24, 2009)

Kevin enters the scene to help with the exposition, asking Chance how long he’s back for, and we discover that despite plans to be career military, Chance tells us “Unfortunately it turns out I wasn’t cut out for the military, so I was honorably discharged, though the army has the right to call me back for a couple years.” Not. Buying. It.

Boy, the writers left themselves a lot of wiggle room in case the character doesn’t work out. At least they planned ahead. Chloe then gets him to explain why he didn’t return to Los Angeles, with his friends, and it’s all about family. Not. Buying. It.

Phillip tries to steal Chance away for a talk, but is shut down pretty solidly by his son, “I don’t have any questions, sir.” All delivered in that serial killer monotone we’re becoming so familiar with.

Phillip exhibits marginally better fashion sense than his son.

Katherine pulls Phillip away and tells him to back off. He wants to know if she’ll talk to him then. Prognosis for that chat doesn’t sound good.

When Katherine pops back to Chloe and Chance to make her excuses, she tells Chloe to “Entertain this boy” – Chloe has been entertaining Chancellor and fake Chancellor men ever since she hit town. If they’re not careful, that entertainment results in childbirth.

Phillip tries one more shot at playing catch with his son, but gets what I think is a fair response from Chance: “There’s nothing really to talk about. See, you died when I was a baby, so I don’t know you, I never missed you. You have no bearing on my life.” I do like that he stands at parade rest to deliver the lines.

I guess hatred can be a cold thing.

We discover that Chance is a virgin. He’s been kissed, but at this point he’s as pure as a Jonas brother. Chloe, master of tact, asks him if it’s a religious thing, or if he’s gay, and he casually denies both (lending credence to the thought the dad-is-gay thing would be non-issue).

She then begins what is honestly a hilarious delivery of I’ve-never-met-a-hot-adult-male-virgin routine, with his help, that’s the first show of emotion I’ve seen from either of them. It's truly delightful, and I can't do it justice, so I'll tell it with pictures:

Clockwise, from top-left, we see Aunt Chloe's reaction to Chance telling her he's a virgin.

We wrap up the episode with Phillip and Cane sitting in that dive bar talking about how awful their lives are, when Katherine walks in. No one has ever looked more out of place anywhere, ever. She makes nice with Cane, and ignores Phillip.

Oakdale

Pretty princess Luke is on a coffee break from his new job at Java, where it’s obviously Casual Friday. Suddenly Noah comes up behind him, and they discuss never seeing each other at home, which is a nice reference to them actually living together.

Noah-the-poor-college-student hands Luke-the-trust-fund-baby a very expensive looking box, which has a very upscale back-to-school messenger bag in it. This is when Luke looks somewhat guilty and mentions he’s not going back to school.

Let me explain how things work for people like me.

Noah seems less than thrilled that Luke changed his plans for their life together at school without consulting him. Luke of course blames it on Noah’s schedule. Noah attempts to explain the difference between “talking” and “telling” but that may as well be a foreign language to our little center-of-the-universe.

Noah says he’s “not that kind of boyfriend” and he means the kind that enables people and their problems. Uhmm, let’s go to the tape! About that time Professor Mason Jarvis enters and interrupts. Luke walks out, and Noah thinks he’s convinced him to quit his job.

I'm sorry, I had to get this out of my system. 

Mason tells Noah that he and George are not a relationship model, and Noah only knows a tiny bit of the story. Based on the tiny bit of the story of Mason knows, he tells Noah to fight for the relationship. Consistency.

Luke wanders into the generic office space every company on this show uses and finds Lucinda fresh from her firing of Emily, with the blood from the kill she’s made still warm. They talk, Luke saying he’s not going to work for Damien because it makes Noah pout, and Lucinda offering him a job at her multinational conglomerate. Luke’s spidey sense begins to tingle.

He goes off on Lucinda for manipulating him, since she’s fine with him not going to school and working instead, just not for Damien. He finds his high horse (Lucinda bought it for him as a baby) and says at least Damien asks him what he wants. He rides the high horse out, knocking over a candy dish on the way.

Luke spends more time with his horse than Holden does with his.

He catches up to Noah at Java and emotes about not discussing his life with Noah, but tells him he’s still doing whatever strikes his fancy. Noah gives him the bag with the present in it, and tells him he exchanged the messenger bag for neckties. They share a loud, wet kiss.

And that’s our week for the original boys of daytime. Previews for next week show no Nuke at all, but there is some soapy goodness from Henry, whose mother comes to town. And to user Dave Doty, think Liberty’s aunt. In case we don’t see the boys for a while, let’s discuss:

• Will Noah continue to let Luke walk all over him?
• I’ve read where the scarves come from, but can somebody dress Mason from this century?
• Is Damien actually up to something, or just living his life?