Daytime Drive By (July 27, 2009)

This is seriously the best wardrobe can do? Just let him run naked then.

Having trouble keeping up with the many gay boys cropping up on U.S. daytime soaps these days? We're here to help with our new regular feature Daytime Drive By, where we give you the rundown on Luke, Rafe, Fish and all the rest of the gay gang. Look for DDB whenever we don't have a liveblog and something gay happens on daytime television that you just have to know about!

Today we swing by Genoa City to understand more about the evolution of Chance, his agenda, and his relationship to his father, Phillip. Then we're going to make just a quick swing through Oakdale, because while Luke doesn't actually appear, he's the main topic of conversation

Genoa City

So we're evidently going to have yet another family get together at the Chancellor estate, since they always go about as well the the ones at Chez Walker, but with less wine.

We see Chance playing daddy with little Dehlia, and looking more alive than any time since admitting he was a virgin. Somehow wardrobe has managed to not only find him an ugly plaid shirt, but evidently a skinny knit tie to wear with it for no reason whatsoever.

Dehlia isn't the relative of his he seems to want to hold

Nina enters and sees her darling boy holding a baby, and has a flashback where we get to see really fuzzy footage of her, Phillip, and a toddler twenty years ago. Which got me thinking about the evolution of Phillip Chancellor IV (Chance). Counting three actors that have played him, it's looked a lot like this:

Can we get a guest spot by middle-Chance's enemy Chuck Bass?

Cane and Phillip are in the dive bar with the bad lighting discussing who should be leaving town, and each thinks the other is crazy for doing it. Phillip decides to book a one-way ticket home, which is Nina's cue to walk in and overhear.

She tries to convince him to stick it out, while he continues to act self absorbed. He's determined to run away again despite the deal being offered: Be a father without ever changing a diaper or going through the teenage years.

The real gem of this whole exchange comes from the waiter at Crimson Lights, who is shamelessly flirting with Phillip. And unlike people dining out on other daytime shows, Phillip notices the flirtation, as does Nina. Which leads her to call him out on not being comfortable telling Chance he's gay as he's comfortable undressing a waiter with his eyes.

Nina gets home and pulls Chance aside and asks him to talk to his gay dad before he leaves town. He's really not having it.

Chloe seems to think the Mr. Mom routine, even if it is her birthday, means Chance is a selfless do-gooder, just like Mac, who's currently having artistically filmed sex with her husband Billy, he of the tiny nipples. This gives her an idea.

They sprang for a crane shot to best display Billy's tiny nipples.

She invites Mac to her birthday lunch planning to fix her up with Chance, freeing up Billy for her. Yeah, this is so not a good idea. Chance and Mac pick up on it within seconds, laugh at her behind her back, and confide in each other that they each have their eye on someone else.

Chance, looking at the dreamy JBF look on Mac's face, realizes love of all kinds is important, and gives dear old dad a call to make an appointment to talk.

Chance initiates contact, and Phillip cancels his flight. Writers think it's working?

At some point Cane walks in with Jill, and Katherine, who is still barely speaking to Phillip, decides that he's totally welcome at her home.

Live fake son, good. Live gay son, bad? Really? We're going with that?!?

OK, that about covers everything that isn't about the girl with cancer. We'll be back in Genoa City tomorrow as all this develops, but until then, let's talk:

• Why does Chance only show emotion if he talks with his hands, and why does he set off my gaydar when he does it?
• Is Chloe going to be his father's version of Christine, a last stab at proving he's straight? 
• Am I just projecting a lot on Chance since I find his father so repulsive as a character? Besides, it's an interesting redemption story for Phillip III, and Chance is age appropriate for Rafe.

Oakdale

My eyes! Ice Truck Killer and Emily are having sex, and he says since he has no memory, she gets to take his virginity twice. NuPaul is actually kind of funny. And he hit a gym – his butt’s kind of cute in that towel.

Holden and Lucinda are plotting to get Luke to work for Lucinda instead of Damian. They go to Lily and Damian to expand the conspiracy. Holden, with his cute new haircut, and Lucinda, showing more fire than she has in years, decide to vote on what’s best for Luke: the job he chose with Damian, or being the editor of The Tattler, since Lucinda has fired Emily.

The bitch is back! Lucinda shows some fire lately.

Do any of these rich people want to adopt a blogger and give him a company to run?

Holden and Lily continue fighting about Damien and whether Holden is more manipulative than Lucinda or Damian. Eventually he guilts her into siding with him and Lucinda against Luke working with Damian. Which is not good, because I’m more suited to the job at The Tattler. But Luke never does what anybody tells him to, so I guess he’ll keep the job with Damiea.

No idea when they’ll actually try this out on our blond princess, but we’ll be here for the fireworks. Until then, consider:

• Do they expect Luke to do as he's told? I mean, have they met him?
• Why did I find non-cyborg Paul hot?
• Are they willing to pay Lucinda to be Lucinda for a change? She's the only match for Luke or Damien on the show.