Daytime Drive By (August 5, 2009)

Look out Zapato! You don't want to end up like Mr. Kitty.

Having trouble keeping up with the many gay boys cropping up on U.S. daytime soaps these days? We're here to help with our new regular feature Daytime Drive By, where we give you the rundown on Luke, Rafe, Fish and all the rest of the gay gang. Look for DDB whenever we don't have a liveblog and something gay happens on daytime television that you just have to know about!

So, yesterday Mary Jane sexually assaulted a drugged Jack. Today we start to see the fallout from that, and how it might affect the rest of the cast, including our fauxmosexual Adam.

Genoa City

The vast majority of today’s episode is about Nikki and Paul preparing for their wedding, but we do have Adam and Mary Jane making appearances.

Adam enters the ranch living room and tells Ashley they’re having quiche for lunch. He proceeds to show concern for her health, and she proceeds to thank him for being there for her. She seems to think her only two friends in the world are Adam and Zapato.

J.T. ! Oops sorry – I feel like that dog that just saw a squirrel.

Dug proved easily distracted by squirrels. I know the feeling.

Jack tells Paul that he slept with Mary Jane last night, and we cut to Mary Jane sneaking onto the ranch. She flashes back to Zapato giving her Mr. Kitty’s tail, and says poor Zapato must be punished. I  don’t see her rubbing his nose in what’s left of her cat.

Not your best move, Zapato.

In the world’s shortest foreshadowing, Ashley is shown freaking because the dog got away from her. In an amusing twist, she has the blind guy helping her look for him.

The episode is featuring a lot of flashback footage of Nikki and her loves over the years. If you’re a fan of 70s hairstyles or clothing I highly recommend it.

The only person who hasn't changed in 30 years is Victor. He's the devil!

Even Paul is having trouble believing Jack slept with Mary Jane thinking it was Sharon. Unlike us, the master detective didn’t see her play bartender. He shows Paul the cat tail as proof.

Victor finds the Cottonelle puppy lying 4 feet from the front door, where no one would ever think to look. Zapato isn’t looking all that lively at the moment.

Cane thinks Zapato's performance is Emmy worthy.

We find out that Victor has a vet who makes house calls. She tells him Zapato has been poisoned, and she needs to take him to the clinic. About that time, Paul calls Victor and tells him Mary Jane has surfaced. They begin to connect the do..J.T.! dots.

Crap! There he is again. Sorry.

We learn through a Nikki flashback that Victor bough Zapato for her, and that he got his name by destroying her shoes. Then back to the present, and Zapato passes on to puppy heaven. He honestly still held better than the humans do on CSI. Ashley cries into Adam’s shoulder. Victor orders a tox screen. J.T.!

I've got to get some aversion therapy or something.

J.T. gets offered a partnership with Paul, and gets his first case, finding Mary Jane. He is now one of 37 men on this show that regrets not doing something when he caught Mary Jane being creepy.

Evidently, Ashley thinks she killed Zapato by letting him off the leash and he got into something. She thinks it means she’s going to kill her baby. She’s hysterical, so she leaves the set. Victor lets Adam in on the Mary Jane secret, and he looks like he doesn’t know whether to be scared or excited.

R.I.P. Zapato You'll be missed.

Jack shows up at the ranch to talk to Victor about Mary Jane, and Adam answers the door, which is always fun. Jack may be the only person on earth Adam hates more than Victor, after all. J.T.!

Last time. I Promise. I'm getting used to him.

In what may be an unprecedented event, Jack and Victor agree to cooperate about Mary Jane. Which is good, since she just left flowers on Jack’s doorstep.

So Adam doesn't know whether to be excited or scared that Mary Jane is still around. Frankly, I don't know which he should be myself. Tomorrow, I'll cover Genoa City, and give my take on Llanview, now that the wedding is over and Stacy isn't preggers any more. But the real action tomorrow is in the liveblog by snicks at 2pm for the kiss from Kish! Until then:

• Does anything I say about any soap this week matter, or is OLTL anticipation all you care about?
• Did I stretch an entire episode about a dog and flashbacks by Nikki into a whole post?
• Why hasn't Victor asked Adam about his boyfriend since he told him that he was gay?