Daytime Drive By (August 10, 2009)

Faith saw mommy kissing Italian daddy, underneath the mistletoe last niiiight.

Having trouble keeping up with the many gay boys cropping up on U.S. daytime soaps these days? We're here to help with our new regular feature Daytime Drive By, where we give you the rundown on Luke, Rafe, Fish and all the rest of the gay gang. Look for DDB whenever we don't have a liveblog and something gay happens on daytime television that you just have to know about!

So it's rumored that junior defense attorney Rafe Torres makes an rare appearance today to defend Sharon on her kleptomania charges. Which may have him interacting with the District Attorney, Heather. Wonder if they'll stick to case law, or discuss their shared ex-lover, Adam?

Meanwhile, over on As The World Turns, the show has found yet another reason for Faith to be moody and uncommunicative about in the fact that she's sees her mom mackin' on Luke's dad.

Genoa City

Chance is in a suit fit for a funeral director, off to his first day as a detective on GCPD. Katherine again mentions she owns a multinational conglomerate and could give him a job for which he's totally unqualified.

They continue to make bad wardrobe choices for Chance.

We cut to Rafe asking kleptomaniac Sharon why she doesn’t want to use her own attorney. She’s called Jack, but doesn’t know if he’ll come to her rescue, what with her lying to him about being the father of her baby and all something she insists is just a misunderstanding.

They seem to be connecting Rafe to new characters - maybe we're too impatient?

We then cut to Adam and Ashley discussing her running down “Sabrina” with the car, and they’re on a set we haven’t seen before. I guess some soaps don’t have budget problems.

We've never seen this white and red room before.

Chloe adjusts Chance’s tie, treating him like her son, while being completely oblivious to him drooling over her. She continues shoving Mac and Chance at each other. There’s also a line about Billy not picking up on goo-goo eyes Chance is making because he’s a guy. Uh-huh.

He's actually jutting out his chest, preening for Chloe - maybe he's straight?

Jack shows up at the police station and sends Rafe backstage. He tells Sharon he’ll get her out of jail, but he’s not going to be her boo.

Ashley is freaking out with a tanned, younger looking Adam. Was this shot after Michael Muhney went to Hawaii? He wouldn’t look out of place with Rafe today.

I think the actor's time in Hawaii did Adam some good. He looks 10 years younger today.

Ashley remembers hitting Sabrina, but thinks it might be a dream. She tells Adam where she remembers leaving the car, and he goes to check on it, despite not being able to step outside. Billy unexpectedly knocks on her bedroom door in the house on the ranch that’s restricted to immediate family by armed security due to the threat from Mary Jane, and she flies into his arms.

Rafe enters the police room with new Detective Chance and a second detective we haven't seen before. Gotta admit, I could see these two together as well. My picture isn’t great, but in HD, they looked marvelous together entering the room. Jack calls him “little Phillip” which makes Chance blush.

Lawyers and detectives interact a lot. They spend a lot of time together, right?

Victor walks into the Chancellor living room, giving us a moment to see these two soap titans in the same room.

Nick has been called in to talk some sense into Sharon. He enters the police room to find Sharon getting her mugshot. Rafe must be backstage again.

We see Adam outside, searching a car for evidence that Ashley drove it. I understand that our fauxmosexual isn’t completely blind yet, but do they have to keep having him search places? And will difficulty in writing storylines for a blind character be Adam’s downfall, rather than his delightfully evil nature?

The reason the blind man is actually behind the wheel is more disturbing than it sounds.

Katherine and Victor chatting about Nikki – Katherine being the only person on the planet that casually looks The Great Victor Newman in the eyes and starts a sentence with “Don’t you dare…”

In the weirdest conversation I’ve ever heard on television, Billy reminds his sister that Sabrina is dead, so that in Katharine's dreams about her, Katharine can go all cartoon violence on Sabrina and it doesn’t matter. She can boil her in oil, hit her with a cartoon hammer, whatever makes her laugh. And Victor's absolutely maniacal while he does it causing her to laughs and me to fall a little bit in love.

Billy suggests Ashley go all Wile E Coyote on Sabrina.

Adam searches the exterior of the car, which the continuity fairies remembered to make wet from the rain. He feels along until he discovers a dint on the front bumper.

Our homosexual lawyer inspects the ring, before giving it back to the regular detective, who then gives it to Detective Chance. At this point Nick realizes it’s the same ring he gave Phyllis, and so he sends Rafe backstage while he calls her out. Shouldn’t her lawyer know this information?

Mac finally gets tired of being pushed at Chance, and tells Chloe she’s banging her husband.

Adam comes back and tells Ashley her nightmare was real, that she killed Victor’s dead wife. I’m starting to think the Chipmunk was just a warmup for this storyline.

OK, so this is going to unfold all week, and we’ll swing into to as needed. Until then, topics for discussion include:

• Where is Phillip?
• Am I reaching when I wonder about Chance now being conveniently in our gay attorney’s orbit?
• What’s going to happen with ADA Heather meets with Rafe about Sharon? Will it actually require adjourning for Cosmos?

Oakdale

NuPaul is funny, doing a full crime scene eulogy for a bottle of wine he dropped. I’m so warming to this character that I’ve hated for two years. I’m willing to forgive the whole microchip stupidity to get a likeable character.

Damien and Lily are busy swapping spit. Her daughter sees them and walks out. I’d walk out if I saw one of my parents in a passionate lip lock too. Gross! Lily looks upset until she looks turned on. She then goes to slap him, claiming kiss-assault.

Which one's really guilty of assault?

Luke sweeps into the Snyder kitchen and begs Holden for forgiveness. Funny, since Meg and Holden were just discussing Luke. Of course, Holden says Luke can come to pet the ponies with him.

Lily and Damien continue discussing the fact that she’s a slut. She says she won’t walk out on her husband and family again for him, he says she needs to stay out his life forever and storms out.

Holden and Luke walk into the Lilypad and announce they’re traveling buddies again. Lily, in an act of desperation, decides to make it a family trip. When Faith decides it’s safe to enter, she finds out that they’re going on a happy family vacation. She rolls her eyes and walks out.

I think Faith has seen this movie before.

Damien is now making out with Meg – I wonder if she can taste her sister-in-law’s lip gloss on his lips?

Lily tries to figure out why Faith is being a little snot. Lily foreshadows that Faith never says anything that doesn’t mean something. Faith then tells her mom that she only pretends to care about the family. Out of the mouths of babes.

Faith may have her first storyline.

Luke agrees to try and talk Faith into going on vacation. He walks outside, and says, to his 14-year-old sister “Faith, mom and dad are out of earshot, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Swearing at children? Shame on you, Luke. She basically says mom’s a whore without saying it, and runs off.

Holden runs off to his horse meeting, after kissing Lily goodbye – I wonder if he tastes garlic on her lips? Luke stays behind to help wrangle Faith, who clings to her father like a life preserver.

This whole NuPaul thing, with Emily hitting Barbara over the head with a wine bottle, locking her in the back of the car, then Barbara getting out, arguing, getting tossed into the backseat with an atomic wedgie, it’s just silly.

Plus, why would Barbara deliver Paul to an empty insane asylum owned by her insane criminal mastermind ex-husband who we buried for at least the 6th time last year and who also happens to be Henry’s father?

On the other hand, it's the soapiest thing this show has done in a year.

OK, we won’t be back in Oakdale for a few days, but until then, ponder these items:

• Does Luke know how hot he looks in sky blue?
• How did they retcon the most vile character on the show and make him fun? And can it last?
• Does Noah not get invited on family vacations?

Llanview

Nothing gay happened today, just more about the surgery trial, a rehash of the Grey Gardens bit, and more Rex/Gigi/Stacy/Schuyler thing, which, admittedly, is fairly gay. And I'm hoping for Kyle and Gigi to become friends, because I think she'd make a good hag for him when Roxy isn't available.