Daytime Drive By (August 14, 2009)

Daytime's gayest soap today is the S&M fashion show hosted by Morgan Fairchild and judged by Jm J. Bullock, Melissa Rivers, and Alan Thicke. Luke wants Oakdale to get this gay.

Having trouble keeping up with the many gay boys cropping up on U.S. daytime soaps these days? We're here to help with our new regular feature Daytime Drive By, where we give you the rundown on Luke, Rafe, Fish and all the rest of the gay gang. Look for DDB whenever we don't have a liveblog and something gay happens on daytime television that you just have to know about!

Rafe had a nice day yesterday, showing up in three different stories. Today, he gets to go toe-to-toe with Victor Newman. Is he up to it?

Meanwhile, over on As The World Turns, we should get to hear what Screamin' Luke actually sounds like.

And I have a quick Photoshop from OLTL that I promise to give more attention over the weekend, plus my snark on today's episode. Details are in the liveblog.

Genoa City

After making us think yesterday that Sharon was going to tell Nick who her babydaddy really was, she goes and tells Nick she’s going away to the nuthouse.

Adam and Rafe keep arguing about Adam’s sexuality. Adam says Nikki blew it out of proportion. Rafe says it’s not like Nikki made it up. Adam tells him he was just experimenting.

For the record, Adam, this is experimenting.

Rafe’s all “It didn’t look like that to her, and it didn’t feel that way to me." Rafe accuses Adam of playing games with him.

Ooo! Can I suggest Naked Twister next time?

Mac tells her new employee, Cane, that she has a homeless person staying in the back room. She’s skittish, but harmless. Meanwhile, in the back, Mary Jane is lifting the cash from Mac’s wallet.

J.T.! is still talking to Victor, and gives him the note Mary Jane slipped into his pocket, accusing TGVN of being a Mary Jane Benson historian, and asks for an explanation.

Mac brings cosmetics (see what I did there?) to Mary Jane and offers to introduce her to Cane. Mary Jane asks to clean up first.

Whenever I think of Mac Cosmetics, I remember Ongina! Viva Glam, indeed!

TGVN decides to go with righteous indignation to counter the note. J.T.! isn’t letting it go, deciding every victim of Mary Jane is connected to Victor, that he’s the common thread.

I want to take a moment and highlight this conversation when Sharon and Nick tell Noah she’s going to have inpatient treatment for her stealing. Noah’s dialog felt age appropriate, and I felt his outrage over the crap his parents have put him (and viewers) through. I’d say it’s ad-libbed, and despite the Noah Newman haters, reminds me of early Luke in delivery. Or maybe I just have a picture I want to use.

Noah: What, like Kleptos Anonymous? I’m not being a tool, I want to know.  Inpatient, like a hospital. A mental hospital?

So you weren’t fine when you were telling me you were fine, and you’re not fine with Dad and Phyllis?

Sharon: That has nothing to…

Noah: Liar! Stop feeding me this crap. You’re going to the frikkin’ funny farm. (to Nick) And you’re the reason why.  But nobody wants to talk about it. We’re all “Well isn’t that just nice” – well no, it’s not just nice. OK? It’s bizarre. What’s next? Don’t even answer that. Can’t believe anything you say any way.

I wouldn't be talking about other people being crazy, Noah - you're the one in a diaper...

J.T.! isn’t caving to his father-in-law, with is kind of cool. So Victor calls his private security and has him tailed.

I bet you think I’m going to make a joke about J.T.!’s tail here, don’t you? I'm not, but mostly because despite the overexposure of J.T.!'s tail in pictures all over the web, none are appropriate for a family website.

I'm afraid you'll have to settle for this.

Rafe reminds Adam he had been so into it, and now, not. Adam goes with “It’s not me it’s you.” And Rafe gets a ride on the Clue Bus. He asks Adam if it wasn’t the sex, and he’s not gay, what was in it for him. Adam starts trying to play an ace he doesn’t have when Victor walks in.

Having picked up Layla last month, the Clue Bus finds its way to Genoa City.

Victor wants Rafe to get Estella to confess, and he’ll drop all the charges. Rafe tells him if he has evidence that someone else is involved, Victor should be begging them for forgiveness. This. Can. Not. End. Well.

Rafe is about to wish he was still in his last gay storyline.

What comes next is classic display of The Great Victor Newman reading Rafe the riot act about his aunt having the access for the cameras, and that if she confesses, he’ll drop the charges, otherwise, he’ll have her sent to prison, or worse, she’ll have to deal with him, and he’ll show no mercy. I think Rafe may have peed a little.

Rafe actually looks this young when Victor's done talking.

Estella and Rafe chat about Victor’s threat, and Rafe says he might know the guilty party. We then get the flashbacks to the fact that every time Rafe and Adam knocked boots, it was when Rafe was questioning him about the gaslighting.

Odd timing to all the nookie, huh?

Adam and Victor discuss that he’s broken up with both Rafe and Heather, and is reassessing his life.

J.T.! enters the bar and begins the exposition about Victor and Mary Jane to Colleen, who I thought they’d written out of the show by now. He chooses to show Mary Jane’s picture around, which is going to conveniently be right after Mac’s seen her cleaned up, with her hair up in a towel.  Has this long nightmare finally come to an end? It was campy fun for a while, but I’m tired of this.

J.T.! shows Mac Mary Jane’s headshot, and Mac says she’s in the back room. As much as I lust after J.T.! his reaction isn’t working for me – struck dumb is the best I can put it. He’s certainly not vaulting the bar and tackling Cat Woman. Of course the back room is empty when they make it back there.

Whoops! Wrong Cat Woman. I'm sorry.

As J.T.! questions Mac about Mary Jane’s appearance, which Mac assures him is the same, other than clothing. We then cut to Mary Jane as a hot blond at Crimson Lights.

We then get an over-the-top touching apology from Adam to Victor about the whole forged-diary-confessing-to-murder thing.

And finally, we get Rafe walking Sharon all the way to her room at the psychiatric hospital, which they appear to have a set built for. So sorry to those of you expecting her to disappear.

Rafe's had a lot of screentime lately. Hopefully this isn't his last scene for a month.

Previews show us J.T.! and Victoria fighting about family loyalty, followed by her making out with Deacon. Money can’t buy taste, obviously. Nor can it find us an end to this storyline, which I’m over. Soo..

• Who in their right mind chooses Deacon over J.T.!?
• Will we be seeing Rafe again anytime soon?
• What's Cane's reason he can't go back to Australia that Phillip dropped Wednesday? Please let it be a sex tape.
• When will they just give the bar to Phillip to run, since that's obviously where this will go? And will the bar go from dive to gay?
  

Oakdale

Casey and Riley are fighting still, and Casey says “I’m not afraid of outing you.” And I get all excited for a second.

Yeah, I'd be outing myself if I saw this scene.

Emma brings cookies for Lily’s family vacation. Nice to see her out of the farmhouse. Lily says they’re waiting on a call from Holden to leave.

Luke enters, hugging his Grandma and thanking her for the cookies. The phone rings, and we get a day player, wearing the Kentucky Police uniform before they did the bloodstain for yesterday’s scenes, telling Lily that there’s been an accident.

Lily says they don’t know what’s what about Holden, she’s headed to Kentucky. She wants Luke to babysit. He refuses, demands to go with her to mug for the camera. Lily decides to borrow Lucinda’s jet, and have Lucinda babysit. Maybe the kids can play the “Hostile Takeover” board game.

Lucinda's game closet is a little different than most gramdma's.

Casey screams about “Outing” Riley again. *swoon*

Luke sneaks a call to Damien about the crash, ruining his romantic weekend with Meg in New York, but possibly setting up a romantic weekend with Lily in Kentucky.

Aha! Damien tells Meg about her brother, and they agree to cut the trip short. He says he’ll have his pilot take Meg to Oakdale, and him to Kentucky – for Luciano, of course.

The Oakdale transporter has Luke and Lily into Kentucky in seconds, before the local cops have even made it down the cliff to look at the car. Thank god the license plate conveniently came off before it went over the edge so they could freak the family out.

I'll be honest - Luke is pretty much phoning it in today.

Lily calls them incompetent, and tries to jump herself, and has to be restrained. Luke seems perfectly ready to write Holden off as a crispy critter. At that moment, Damien comes up and hugs her close. He and Luke must use Loopt!

How I imagine the display looks in Western Kentucky.

Always the master of tact, Damien calls Meg and pronounces Holden dead. He may as well be telling her he’s dumping her for Lily.

Eventually the cops say they’ve found a body. It was wearing Holden’s watch. Damien seems ready to fly to Vegas for a quickie wedding.

Now I know why Luke asked to borrow the Driveby wheels...

Previews! Nobody takes Holden’s death well, Luke blames himself when he tells Noah, Meg and Lily fight about Damien in front of Emma and set her off. Plus, we find out Henry is Paul’s half-brother, and daddy Stenbeck’s alive. Until we come back to downer-ville next week, discuss:

• Is Holden really dead?
• Is anyone actually excited about this storyline?
• What's wrong with Bob?
• Are Casey and Riley ever just going to whip 'em out and get it over with?

Llanview

snicks ran a liveblog over here. But I have a few thoughts for weekend discussion:

• Whose gay dog is Cristian walking? It's wearing a barrette!
• Would Cristian outing Oliver to Layla have actually changed any of the upcoming storylines?
• Hungover Roxy is nearly as fun as Drunk Roxy. This is a fact.
• Does finding Blair’s evil voice sexy make me homoflexible, or is it just hoyay reflecting off Rex?
• Oliver: “What I do know is that it works.” – Didn’t he sound surprised to be able to say that?
• Rex says “Ross Rayburn has a rap sheet longer than most peoples…” Did anyone else’s mind go into the gutter there?
• Who's excited about Nick arriving?

Nick's gonna fit right into Kyle's life...