Daytime Drive By (August 18, 2009)

Creating actual gay love triangle caused Squirrelly to need CPR.
Nick's shape nearly caused me to need it, too.

Having trouble keeping track of the many gay boys cropping up on U.S. daytime soaps these days? We're here to help with our new regular feature Daytime Drive By, where we give you the rundown on Luke, Rafe, Fish and all the rest of the gay gang. Look for DDB whenever we don't have a liveblog and something gay happens on daytime television that you just have to know about!

Today we've got updates for Y&R, As the World Turns, and I even have a few thoughts on OLTL, which we liveblogged earlier today.

The Young and the Restless

Chloe and Chance go on a date. And they have an odd conversation about Chance’s online dating in Iraq?!?!

I still feel like Chance on a date with a girl feels wrong.

Ashley and Abby move back into the ranch, now that heteroflexible Adam’s cameras are gone.

Amber crashes Chloe and Chance’s date and dumps her troubles on the nascent couple while she waits for Deacon.

This girl shows up at the worst possible moments.

When Victor knocks on his own bedroom door for ten minutes trying to get Ashley to talk to him, and doesn’t even get yelled at incoherently, he kicks the door in. Which causes Ashley to yell incoherently at him.

And much like yesterday, as soon as Deacon starts making out with a girl (Amber), somebody pounds on his door. It’s Daniel this time.

I admit to believing that we'd see Chance with a guy in his arms, but not like this.

Ooo! Chance gets his first “collar” when he arrests Daniel for assaulting Deacon. But honestly, he makes a lousy date. And…he screws it up by talking to the hotel manager into not pressing charges. So Chloe goes “aww.”

And…previews say I’ve got tomorrow off. Until they do something interesting on the show again, discuss amongst yourselves:

• If they make the A-stories Deacon/Amber/Daniel, and Victoria/J.T.!, does anybody care to watch?
• Why am I so convinced that Chance isn't going to like girls? Or is the actor just like JPL on OLTL?
• How fast does time pass on this show? Nikki's been missing for over a week or real-world time, since Ashley ran her down and Adam left her.

As the World Turns

Jack finds out Holden is dead from Meg and goes to visit Lily. He and Damien discuss the dental records that Damien sent to the police. He then basically kicks Damien out of the Lilypad.

Lily latches on to the lack of a positive I.D. for hope, but Jack’s shooting her down like an Alaskan wolf from a helicopter.

No, I'm not going to actually put that awful picture up!

Lily screams at Jack that he needs to cry, to react to his cousin’s death. I think Jack is reacting, but the Botox in his face makes it impossible to see.

When Damien talks to the conveniently located Kentucky police officer when Meg insists on visiting the accident, he finds that the crash mangled the body’s teeth to the point they still don’t have an I.D. on the body, and have to wait for DNA.

Damien doesn’t wait for results, and he marches the cop off for a private chat about money, results, and why they can’t work as fast as CSI:Miami.

Nightime CBS shows get DNA evidence in minutes.

Meg, on the other side of the Oakdale transporter, tells Jack that she spoke to the Kentucky cops, and that they made a positive I.D., so I’m guessing Damien accidentally dropped his wallet when they were there.

Lily goes to the pond, and hallucinates Holden, who doesn’t tell her he’s dead, but “that he can’t come home.” Then Lily feels a touch on her shoulder, and there’s Damien. Aawwwkwaaard!

Damien tells Lily they have a positive I.D. on the body.

We finally get this scene that they've been teasing:

Previews say…I’m off: Looks like tomorrow will be all about Henry/Stenbeck, Dusty/Bonnie, Emily/Paul. Until we come back, I want to know:

• Is it really this easy to bribe a cop you've never met?
• I can't help but think if this was OLTL, we'd see Luke & Noah cuddling on a couch.
• Is Damien's heart in the right place, or is this a return to evil?

One Life to Live

We liveblogged with snicks today over here. My thoughts:

• Angry Rex annoys me. I prefer goofy Rex. Or Sexy Rex. Or Tyrannosaurus Rex even.
• Nick is sexy, and flirts really, really well. But the elastic on that tank is helping him.
• Stacy's little friend - does she like to watch? I notice she stayed. 
• Rex and Schuyler need to just go ahead and screw, instead of standing nose-to-nose and breathing heavy on each other.
• "What is wrong with you? Don't you think I'm hot?" - Poor, dumb, Stacy.
• Fish: I'm not gay. Nick: Oohhh.K
• When court comes back in session for the Matthew thing, and they say "All rise" for the judge to enter - was that really necessary, considering the case? It just seemed cruel.
• Why does Nick get a good wardrobe, when so few soap guys do?
• Yes, I'll get pictures together of the Nick strip down. .