Daytime Drive By (August 27, 2009)

Screamin' Luke can't believe they're burying Holden - again!

Having trouble keeping track of the many gay boys cropping up on U.S. daytime soaps these days? We're here to help with our new semi-regular feature Daytime Drive By, where we give you the rundown on Luke, Rafe, Fish and all the rest of the gay gang. Look for DDB whenever we don't have a liveblog and something gay happens on daytime television that you just have to know about!

Today we've got Holden's funeral on As the World Turns, but for Oliver/Kyle/Nick/Layla/Cristian on OLTL, head on over to the liveblog by Grand Master snicks!

As The World Turns

It’s all about Holden’s funeral today, but you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t maintain the proper reverence for the event. After all, it’s not Holden’s first funeral, Holden’s not really dead, and I’m pretty sure the show’s going down the Deliverance/Misery path with him, and I can’t take another crazed hillbilly storyline in my life. Maybe our boy Luke can turn in a classic over-the-top Van-tastic performance?

Seth Snyder got gray, but he’s kind of a silver fox. No Anderson Cooper, but still. Emma turns in a powerhouse performance as the grieving mother.

Unfortunately, Aaron Snyder shows up at the church already in a suit, and Luke clings to him. And one million typewriters spring into action. I hope they snip off the unattractive “rat tail” he’s sporting.

I was really hoping to see Aaron get dressed for the funeral.

Holden’s awake and his blond caretaker creeps him out a bit. She says she found him in the ravine and brought him home to care for him. They repeatedly mention they’re forty miles from civilization.

Luke comes to get Faith to her seat, telling her Damien is walking Lily in. Naturally, Faith balks. Luke snaps “Look, Faith, I don’t know what your problem is, but it’s going to have to wait until later.” She complies, but knocks over a candy dish on her way to the pew.

The very redneck husband of Holden’s caretaker comes home, and isn’t happy to see him awake.

Every Snyder speaks at the funeral. None of the men did their hair. Would it have killed them to share a comb?

Faith storms out of the funeral while Emma is talking about the love between Lily and Holden, and tears their joint picture perfectly down the middle. When Luke and Damien join the hysterics, Faith runs off, and they decide they don’t need her around to bury Holden.

Surprise! There is a connection between Holden’s rednecks and Holden’s escaped convict. And Misery it is! They’ve shackled his ankles to the bed. But there may be hope – he appears to be able to hear Lily in his head.Who needs Dionne Warwick?

We have a winner on the movie this is going to rip off.

That’s it. As soap opera funerals, it’s was pretty sad. I remember the days when a wedding or a funeral was a spectacle, everybody who’d ever been on the show was there.

• Did anybody else feel the show just phoned it in?
• Why didn't anybody cry? Do they know he's not dead?
  
• Did the show cut the hair and makeup budget entirely?