Daytime Drive By (October 7, 2009)

Today's road trip soundtrack provided by Van Halen.

Having trouble keeping track of the many gay boys cropping up on U.S. daytime soaps these days? We're here to help with our new semi-regular feature Daytime Drive By, where we give you the rundown on Luke, Rafe, Fish and all the rest of the gay gang. Look for DDB whenever we don't have a liveblog and something gay happens on daytime television that you just have to know about!

Today we get to watch homemade dirty movies, wonder what Amelia is up to, and get hot for teacher on One Life To Live, but for the other gay love triangle (feels so good to be able to say that!) on ATWT, head on over to the liveblog by Punmaster snicks!

One Life To Live

We open to Marco being a slob just as Cole’s infant daughter is coming over.

David, Dorian and Amelia enter the diner, with Dorian spouting off Spanish names of dishes and talking about her deep, personal connection to Carlotta, the owner. Amelia astutely asks why Carlotta’s wearing Vicki’s campaign button. David, still bitter about his demotion, says it’s because anybody who ever worked for Dorian has issues with Dorian.

Interrogation of Jared at the police station doesn’t look nearly as sexy as it should. Needs fewer shirts.

Ahh! This file photo makes these scenes better.

While Blair dreams of Todd ravishing her, she awakes to TBTD literally waterboarding her, and instead of a cheerful “Good Morning” she gets “Rise and shine, bitch!”

Not my favorite way to start the day.

Marco goes to show his girlfriend the, uh, art film he made of them on the couch last week. She is not amused.

David and Dorian sit in the diner arguing about David being a “mushbrain” and disloyal for not playing gay for her personal gain. She needed a “high profile homosexual” and Amelia is it. And Bam! She’s up in the polls.

TBTD is explaining to Blair how she ruined her life, that Todd’s tossed her out on her shapely rear. Blair admits to being insanely happy about that.

These two circle each other like predatory animals.

Evidently Marco separated out his special home movie from his class project, and put it in a separate file. We hear a non-copyrighted “You’ve got mail” sound, and we get our clue that Marco may need to work on his computer skills.

Jared and McBain have a boring conversation while Vicki defends him in the outer office.

OMG – Dorian attempts introducing herself in the diner in Spanish that would have gotten me a D- in high school Spanish. Everyone applauds the attempt, nonetheless. She shows off Vicki’s son-in-law on the cover of Todd’s tabloid for fun, and then says, “I’d like to introduce you to Amelia Bennet, my new campaign manager, who is and out and proud lesbian.” Somehow, Amelia doesn’t smack her.

I know I love being introduced to strange crowds as "Ed the out and proud homosexual"

It seems “the lab” has recovered all the secret plans Jared had to torment Natalie, down to the detail level the villain normally gives while the hero is suspended over a tank of piranha. Guess that wasn’t in the budget here.

Dorian sits touting her connections to the Latino community, while Amelia talks on the phone to someone saying “I’ve got Dorian Lord eating out of my hand. It’s time for part two of my plan.” DVTM walks up and tells her that he was “the star of The Supermodel Crime Club. I played a really smart detective who was smart.” I think he wants to know who Amelia was talking to, but I was laughing too hard to hear.

This is how I picture Supermodel Crime Club.

Tea keeps goading Blair into a fight. The breaking point seems to be when TBTD tells her Todd says Blair “will never be more to him than a sloppy toss in a cabana.” That seems to do it, since Blair slaps Tea, who hits back with the heel of her hand hard enough to crack the melon they’re thumping on the Foley Stage.

What I saw (L) and What I heard (R)

Amelia and David continue their sniping, where she says she was talking to a man, and him saying he thought she was from “Lesbania.” And lives.

Ooh – Star is in class, and sexy Nick is in a tie and cardigan! The female students are talking about how cute their new teacher is, until one of them says she saw Nick on the news, and that he’s a big shot with the LLGLA. She doesn’t use her “gossip voice” when she says he's G-A-Y because Nick hears her, and corrects her acronym. He then invites them to discuss it with him after class, and ingratiates himself by canceling their exam.

He really is unshakeable.

(Nick is something new, not just on daytime, but on TV. He’s so far beyond his coming out, it doesn’t even occur to him to be in. Kind of sexy.)

Marco’s parents drop by for a visit as Hope screams away. Naturally, they calm the baby down. It’s a shame Ernesto himself doesn’t stay calm when he discovers Cole, Star and Hope’s strange marriage and living arrangements.

Dorian wants David to order some rainbow flags for a press conference so she can make “same sex partnerships” her issue while Vicki is distracted with Jared. Amelia goes to call the LGLA. Dorian tells her to call some of her gay friends, too!

I'd argue those menus beside Amelia have handy rainbows on them.

Blair continues to say that TBTD that she can’t understand why she’s vile because TBTD isn’t a mother. She tells TBTD that she’s “Too selfish to ever love a kid.” TBTD snaps back that “she’s so wrong.”

Back at Marco’s uncomfortable family visit, he goes to show his parents his student film, which is a mere three minutes long. Instead, he starts up his private little video, and scandalizes everyone in his living room.

My favorite expression is Cole in the back.

Amelia calls Nick, who appears to be between class periods. She tells him the press conference is happening that day. Nick wants to know “if they have any idea what we’re planning?”

I love that they built Nick a classroom – speaks well to the legs this story might have.

Blair keeps banging away at how TBTD can’t have any motherly instincts. Blair has obviously never seen a momma bear defend her cubs – or at least the concept of cubs. TBTD confesses to having a child!

Now Blair's got to face momma bear-shark!

OK, so that's where I'm parking the car for the day. The Lanview Gay and Lesbian Alliance is obviously up to something, the question is how Dorian reacts. And I love Nick getting woven into Star's life as her teacher. What did you guys think about spending time with the newer gays in Llanview, and no Kish time?