Morning Meme: The View from "Sue's Corner," Remakes of "Popeye" "Austin Powers" and "Laverne & Shirley", plus Turtles!

I know I mentioned Garry Marshall was trying to do a big-screen remake of Laverne & Shirley starring Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner. I just hoped it wouldn’t happen to another piece of my childhood. But I’m now trying to wrap my head around the idea that Jamie Foxx is writing it. Fantasy casting for Lenny & Squiggy?

Sir Elton John and Lady GaGa are going to queer up Sting’s Rainforest Fund Concert May 13^th at Carnegie Hall. This marks the 21^st birthday for the event.

Murder music artist Buju Banton is still in jail awaiting trial on drug charges, and his lawyers think that jail is a mean place. They’re complaining that the jail should cater to his requested diet and he shouldn’t be punished for breaking the rules. Who do they think he is, Paris Hilton?

India is weaponizing the bhut jolokia, or ghost chili. Evidently turned into a grenade, it’s more effective than tear gas and disabling combatants. And it makes a lovely salsa.

Scrubs is over. At least according to Zach Braff. It’s the end of television’s greatest bromance according to some folks.

If you look at all the paintings of The Last Supper over the last 1000 years, and assume the artist had the head-to-plate ratio right in them, we’re gluttons. Portion size has gone up 69% and the amount of bread we eat has gone up 22%. This is why we’re fat.

That story I ran Monday about Ewan McGregor joining Madonna’s Wallis Simpson piece? I was wrong.

If you’ve got a pre-existing condition that makes you ineligible to purchase health insurance, such as someone suffering HIV/AIDS, you will be one of the first to benefit from the healthcare reform bill. Slate says that 90 days from today, high risk pools will form with a $5 billion subsidy to help the uninsurable purchase health insurance until other clauses kick in 2014.

Sony is working on a 3D Popeye movie. There’s no word on live action or animation, or some mix of the two. Make it stop. Please make it stop.

Paula Abdul may take the buckets of money NBC is throwing at her to create a reality show about flash mob dancing. Now that a network is making a show about flash mob dances, can we agree that fad is over? Also, can we agree Paula Abdul is now over?

Life has put up a huge gallery of their Steve McQueen photos documenting all of Steve McQueen. And I do mean all of them. Make sure your coworkers can’t see your monitor, because some of this is NSFW.

Soon your pill bottles will have cellular service and count how many times you’ve opened them. If you forget, they’ll text you. Same with your dog – his collar will have a SIM card, and you can define his neighborhood roaming area. Now where’s my flying car?

I got in trouble for making the obvious joke about the title of Terrance McNally’s new play Lips Together, Teeth Apart. So I’ll just report that Megan Mullally is dropping out of the play.

I’m sure there’s a twist that keeps Sheldon asexual, but the Spurf™ is reporting that Judy Greer is guest starring and that she spends the night with Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory.

Spurf™ also says that Alan Cumming has been promoted to season regular on The Good Wife. CBS doesn’t seem to believe in GLBT characters, but they do employ a couple of high-profile out actors. That’s got to count for something, right? No? Yeah, didn’t think so.

Nurse Jackie premiered to record high ratings, and United States of Tara tied the best it’s ever had. Not bad when you consider they’re up against ABC’s DWtS premiere/Castle juggernaut.

This turtle makes more money than you ever will.

Chris Colfer says he ran over to the New York City set for lunch. He's doing his best "Don't cry for me, Paramount Security" wave.

He says that's him. Camera phones need zoom lenses.

Crack or cleavage?

I haz yur soul.

So he bit her? Because they all look soulless to me.

This is how you get Americans to give up fast food.

Jay Roach directed the first three Austin Powers movies. He tells MTV that Mike Myers is trying to come up with an idea for a fourth Austin Powers film. I think there should be a rule that we take properties away from their owners after so many years so they can't destroy them. For evidence I present George Lucas and Jar Jar Binks.

I'm presuming Brendan Fraser lost a bet and had to appear in Furry Vengeance as a result. And he wasn't allowed a personal trainer for the film either, because dude could never play George of the Jungle again. I'm not supporting this film, but these outtakes of the animal's facial expressions have some moments, but I'm a sucker for a sneaky raccoon.

Finally, to help promote the return of Glee, Fox is putting out bonus editions of Sue's Corner, her late night news segment. Here she takes on sneaky gays who try and blend, like Neil Patrick Harris and Adam Lambert. Much like Homer Simpson, Sue prefers her homosexuals flaming.