Morning Meme: Angelina Jolie Is Cleopatra, Sir Ben Kingsley Reads Ozzy, and How To Decode Your Bears

Plus Ricky Martin's Broadway future, dangerous lasers you can own, and Devo is making a comeback!

With the news the Ricky Martin is joining the Broadway production of Evita, the folks at NewNowNext have put together a list of Five Other Broadway Roles Ricky Martin Has Spent His Entire Career Preparing For.

BP doesn’t really understand how much the world hates their PR machine. Having demanded that the hilarious BPGlobalPR twitter account disclose that it is not the BP Global PR Department, they got their wish. The bio line now says “We are not associated with Beyond Petroleum, the company that has been destroying the Gulf of Mexico for 51 days.” Win?

The Glee onslaught is about to hit a retailer near you. In addition to Hallmark having greeting cards, there will also be Wii games, karaoke machines, books, a clothing line from Macys, plus school supplies like pens and notebooks. It should all be in stores in time for back-to-school shopping.

50 Cent thinks Lady Gaga is the only original artist on the planet right now. He even thinks Lil Wayne has been raiding Cyndi Lauper’s closet. And not her music closet, her actual closet, with her clothes.

Angelina Jolie is going to play Cleopatra in the movie that Oscar-winner Scott Rudin has been working on since 2006. I don’t hate the idea, I just wonder if another Cleopatra movie is necessary.

Some celebrities get paid to tweet. I have no idea why, because the people on this list are mostly worthless reality stars whose opinions wouldn’t sway me between McDonalds and Burger King. I am fascinated that the going rate for Danny Bonaduce to tweet about your product is $29.41, but Kim Kardishian takes home $10,000.

With the wild (debunked) rumor that Joseph Gordon-Levitt was going to play the Riddler in the new Dark Knight movie, Vulture rounded up all the casting rumors for the film that doesn’t even have a script yet.

Globally, snake populations of eight snakes species plummeted since 1998 and have continued falling. No one knows why, but most people suspect Salma Hayek.

Republican Oompa-Loompa John Boehner has come out in favor of the government, and not BP, paying for the cleanup of the gulf. I don’t even know where to start with the hypocrisy, so I’ll just say that he’s starting to make South Carolina politicians look good.

Right now at the Colbert Nation you can stream the new Devo album before it releases June 16^th. Devo is also providing the soundtrack for the upcoming season of Futurama on Comedy Central.

Only one in six brides is a virgin on their wedding day. Yet another way heterosexuals are protecting the sanctity of the institution.

I follow this guy on Tumblr, and he’s really funny there. But the story of when he and his boyfriend decided to have a puppy together is really touching.

It turns out that in straight relationships, men are more likely to suffer emotional damage when the relationship ends. Women have better emotional support systems in their lives, and have something to fall back on.

Ellen DeGeneres says she understands her role on American Idol now, and where Simon Cowell fit into the dynamic. She understands no one can replace Simon, just like she didn’t replace Paula Abdul.

A drunk driver in 1998 found a sympathetic judge that let him off the hook in court. Flashforward to today and the same driver just received 18 months in prison for driving drunk ... and hitting the retired judge that let him go free 11 years ago.

If you’re in New York City, James Franco is opening a gallery exhibit of his film, drawing, sculpture and performances at the Clocktower Gallery. Is there another artist quite like this guy in America today? Who does this while working on two graduate degrees at Ivy League colleges?

Because playing at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding wasn’t enough bad press, Sir Elton John is one of the few musicians that hasn’t canceled his Arizona concert in protest of their immigration law. Ironically, most of the musicians that canceled are American citizens. I hope Elton keeps his papers on him.

For $200 you can buy a laser capable of blinding you instantly or even setting your skin, or anything else on fire. They’re made with a diode pillaged from a Casio projector, which turned out to be remarkably powerful – in fact they’re 2000x more powerful than the next common sale laser.

In what will undoubtedly be called a liberal conspiracy, the Red Dawn remake isn’t going to make it to theaters. Conservatives had been looking forward to the Chinese communist invasion tale, but while the movie itself is made, it was made by MGM, the same broke studio that can’t get the James Bond or Hobbit films made.

Just in time for Pride, we have the Bear Decoder.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn will officially be broken into two films. Out Oscar winner Bill Condon will direct both, and probably cry himself to sleep at night in a bed made of money.

In case there was ever any doubt in your mind, we now have proof that BP is sponsoring Congress. Behold.

I wonder how they outbid Goldman-Sachs?

Here's the best visual pun of the week. Think about it.

And I haven't done a daily dose of cute all week. In this case, I wonder if she needs to install a car seat?

Bear-y Back ride.

The Guys Choice Awards taped over the weekend for Spike TV. As part of the Achievements in Literature, Sir Ben Kingsley read aloud from the memoires of Tracy Morgan and Ozzy Osbourne. The experience is surreal.

David Mitchell would like to discuss the Queen's English with the Americans in the audience. It turns out, she's quite forgiving of most things. This Soapbox is part of a whole series of things he wants to discuss with us, and in general he's out to correct all of us, but today, mainly just Americans.

I will continue to push Despicable Me until you all agree to go to the movies and see it on opening weekend and make it the #1 film of the summer. I mean look at him, he's going to win father of the year!

And perhaps most importantly, we have the new trailer for Disney's Tangled. It's Rapunzel for boys. And while I thought the music choice for the trailer was inspired, I couldn't shake the feeling I was watching a blond version of Aladdin.