Morning Meme: Matthew Mitcham Ups His Cute Factor, Jane Lynch Gets Honored, and "Twilight" Kills

Plus recasting Clue, the Gay Best Friend goes to high school, and just what are these M&Ms up to?

I’m going to go ahead and guess that Thom Bierdz has no plans to revive Phillip Chancellor III on The Young and the Restless, based on the song he wrote calling the show out for all the heterosexual ho’ing around and the failure of the show to let him even have a date. I guess we shouldn't tell him about Rafe's single-episode boyfriend?

Over at Vanity Fair, the hysterically cynical Brett Burk promises that if a Supreme Court headed by Justice Roberts overturns the Defense of Marriage Act, he’ll marry his longtime boyfriend on the Tilt-A-Whirl at Six Flags. At least it’s not the Mad Hatter’s Tea Cups at Disney, or rice wouldn’t be the only thing I’d be throwing.

So evidently, since the time that astrology was set up the planet has done some wobbling, and the dates we use to pick our astrological signs have to shift. We even have to add a new sign, Ophiuchus, to the mix which sounds more like an STD. This means I’m not a Sagittarius but a Scorpio, which doesn’t fit me at all. And are all these mistaken answers to “Hey, what’s your sign?” responsible for the skyrocketing divorce rate with mismatched couples?

Since casting is getting underway for the remake of Clue, the Washington Post is offering some casting suggestions, including Portia de Rossi as Mrs. White. But I have no idea why they think it would be acceptable to replace Tim Curry’s Wadsworth with Michael Sheen. Surely we can do better in the comments.

I’ve said it before, Twilight is dangerous. Now it’s killed someone, with a healthy 23-year-old in New Zealand being found dead in his seat after a screening of Twilight: Eclipse. We have to stop these films before they kill someone else !

Here’s a question: Can Alan Ball do a show about puppies or something? Six Feet Under, True Blood, and now an HBO pilot called All Signs of Death is being developed. It’s like he has a fixation or something.

Teen Vogue has a story on the must-have accessory for the well-to-do high school girl: The Gay Best Friend. It seems we’re ranked up there with a Proeza Schouler tie-dye top. Shoot. Me. Now.

We don't talk that much about One Life to Live these days since KISH left, though they did just hit all time lows in the ratings with their current storylines, suggesting KISH wasn't the problem. One bright spot was the dueling American flag swim wear between David Vickers the Man and Ford, both of whom brought something to the table, as this photo album by snicks shows.

The folks behind Wicked’s successful stage run are meeting with movie executives about bringing the show to the big screen. The directors mentioned are somewhat random, with J.J. Abrams, James Mangold, Ryan Murphy and Rob Marshall being considered.

Personally I think Jane Lynch is too young to be given a Lifetime Achievement Award at Outfest, but if those kids from The Hills can write autobiographies, anything goes. Still, if Chris Colfer’s speech brings a tear to your eye, Paris Barclay brings the chuckle, “Let’s face it, the bitch is talented.”

Pfc. Bradley Manning, who leaked the footage of the helicopter massacre a couple months back to Wikileaks not only has serious gayface (defined by me to mean pores I’m jealous of), he smuggled the classified data out on CDs labeled Lady Gaga and sang her music during his shifts to make them seem real.

The Washington Post isn’t even going to pretend it cares about soccer. But it will drool worse than any blog over the hot men who play the sport in a dignified gallery called The World Cup Overflows with Intoxicatingly Hot Bodies. Keeping it classy at the Nation’s Newspaper.

A car full of zombies crashed in Portland, Oregon. Well, really it was a bunch of live folks dressed as zombies headed to a party, but that didn’t stop the EMTs from thinking their injuries were much worse than they were.

Glee is everywhere. Amber Riley is singing the National Anthem at the All-Star Game, and the whole cast is attending Comic-Con later this month for reasons I can’t fathom.

Salon.com takes a look at Cinema’s Most Pivotal Gay Sex Scenes. They stay in the mainstream releases, but vary from The Rocky Horror Picture Show to Brokeback Mountain to Cruising.

Kittens are distracting our soldiers in Afghanistan with cuteness. They’re obviously aligned with Al-Qaeda and are gathering intelligence behind our lines while pretending to play with a ball of yarn. I’ve been telling you for months they were evil! 

My Minions rule the box office! Seriously, I snuck away and saw Despicable Me on Sunday, and it was funny, sweet, and just plain silly. The movie was made for a mere $69 million and opened to $60.1 million this weekend, so you can bet there will be sequels and spin-offs. If you go to see it, be sure you have the app for your phone to translate the Minions during the credits – they’re totally Team Jacob, by the way.