Here’s a bumper two week special run down of British soap goings on that have pinged our gaydar in the UK between November 11 to November 25….

Coronation Street, ITV1
Poor old sulky Sean Tully is still walking around Weatherfield with a face like thunder. The not-so-happy chappy either needs a great big hug or a kick up the backside – we still can’t quite decide. Violet may have (begrudgingly) forgiven him for going behind her back and finding out about their baby’s sex, but discovering that his unborn baby’s mummy has rekindled her love affair with former flame Jamie went down about as well as a wet weekend in Bognor Regis.

While Vi and Jamie were all loved up again (aww bless), with Jamie promising to treat Vi’s baby like his own, Sean decided he wants to play a bigger role in bringing up their son. And with Vi adamantly against Sean’s involvement, the gay barman decided to fight for his access rights in court. Or at least he did, until he visited a solicitor and discovered that it would take thousands of pounds to fight his case. Talk about having the courage of your convictions - not.

Fed up with the former friends’ feud, Jamie and Sean’s other half, Marcus decided to conspire together in a desperate bid to get the pair talking again. Thankfully, Vi had a change of heart and agreed to let Sean be involved with bringing up their child. Yay! Result! Hopefully no more sulky Sean.

Meanwhile, the seedy affair unfolding between teacher John and call girl in the making Rosie continued to get even seedier. It’s surely only going to be a matter of time before the lovers get caught in the act. First Sally almost caught the pair snogging at school. And then hubby Kevin very nearly burst in on them at it in bed together!

But Fiz, John’s other half, seems to be less oblivious. Although she thinks randy John is actually having it away with Sally! Fiz even went so far as to clock Sally one. Oh, if only she knew!

Elsewhere, devil child David continued to chase Simon Cowell’s “Mr Nasty” tag as he tried to stir things up between Sarah and Jason by subtly insinuating that Jason is interested in barmy Becky. Okay, so Jason may not be the brain of Britan, but surely he's not that daft?! After Todd, Sarah would kill him! And Clare made a right fool of herself on a singles night when she tried to snog grease monkey Kevin.

Eastenders, BBC1
It’s been all go in Eastenders. For starters, Jane Beale’s gay brother has finally been cast. Yay! As reported earlier, he’s going to be played by John Partridge, who is also openly gay. More yay!

But it was a bad week for the moody and mysterious Jase. A bunch of hooligans who just so happened to be his former gang smashed up the Queen Vic.

Perhaps they didn’t like the pub décor or were served warm beer?!

After coming to Jase’s rescue, the ridiculously named Honey was knocked to the floor and went into labour. She almost lost her baby, but the doctors’ managed to miraculously resuscitate the newborn. Thank heavens for the miracle of soap storylines!

Bradley and Stacy returned from their honeymoon, all loved up. But their happiness was short lived, after Bradley lost his job. But, thanks again to the miracle of those soap writers, he quickly found a new job – as an assistant market inspector. Yay, well done Bradders – not!

Elsewhere, Phil forced Jase to trash Kevin’s second hand car lot, when Kevin refused to shift some motors for him; Peter’s French exchange student, Monique arrived in Walford; and Jean found Lauren’s missing camcorder with that incriminating evidence. Give it the New Year, and surely Bradders and Stace will be filing for a d-i-v-o-r-c-e.

Emmerdale, ITV1
Who’s been a bad, bad boy? Yes, Paul Lambert, we’re pointing the finger at you! So consider yourself well and truly named and shamed. And, while we’re at it, may we suggest you get yourself along to Spec Savers as soon as possible for an eye sight check. Let’s face it, you must need glasses after cheating on your gorgeous other half with that bounder Grayson!

Yes, Paul was a prize prat and after weeks of confusion and subtle flirting, finally did the dirty on Jonny. After rescuing Gray from an altercation with Matthew, the pair ended up having drunken s-e-x. But Paul was crushed when Gray made it oh so obvious that he didn’t have any feelings for Paul and that it was just s-e-x.

It certainly didn’t take long for a sobbing and devastated Paul to fess up to Jonny. Although heartbroken, Jonny eventually decided to not leave and give the plonker one more chance. Which is far, far more than Paul deserved. We would have kicked his little tushy, however cute, straight to the kerb! But obviously Saint Jonny is far more forgiving.

Elsewhere, Katie moved in with Gray and Perdy. But Perdy was jealous of all the attention her two-timing hubby was lavishing on Katie. Although it wasn’t long before Perdy herself engaged in a clinch and a kiss with Matthew. It must have been some snog, because afterwards she decided to leave Gray and give it a go with Matthew.

It seems life is never boring in the Yorkshire Dales! Here's a little fan made clip "celebrating" Emmerdale's "interesting" love triangle...

Hollyoaks, C4
Ste learnt a valuable lesson. If you’re going to steal someone’s wallet and use their credit card to make lavish purchases, don’t nick from the likes of Warren Fox. Not if you want to keep breathing and not lose the use of your legs!

Fortunately for Ste, Warren decided not to involve the police, deciding in favour of handing out his own brand of justice. No doubt it’ll be a lot more effective than a slap on the wrists and a court fine. Well, a lot quicker, anyway. Be afraid, Ste. Be very afraid. We don’t think it was particularly smart to torch Evissa and almost kill Warren’s girly, Louise, either.

Meanwhile, Jake lost the plot big time, and ended up punching annoying Kris. But he found a new friend, after bonding was Kris’s big brother, Malachy.

Elsewhere in the Chester suburb, Carmel and Calvin started dating and Hannah returned home, only to find herself a little admirer in Shrek look alike Danny Valentine.

Darren’s gambling addiction continued to spiral out of control. Anyone who swipes 200 big ones from their hard up girlfriend’s purse deserves to be well and truly dumped. So kudos to Zoe for seeing sense. She should have dumped the lug head ages ago, if only for his horrendous wardrobe! But it wasn’t long before Darren was on top again, winning it big at a casino with Jess. Who he ended up getting physical with on a snooker table.

Oh, and mouthy Mercedes discovered that she was pregnant. With Tony’s child. God lord woman, are you mad?! You must be, because making a baby with your sister’s boyfriend – your sister who cannot have a child of her own – is nothing short of complete and utter madness. You’d best book yourself a ticket out of town before Jacqui finds out. And make it one way.

Here’s a little preview of what delights we've got in store in the coming week. Sadly, there's not much sign of our beloved John Paul...