Gay British soap update: October 1

Here’s a run down of British soap goings on that have pinged our gaydar in the UK for the week ending September 30, 2007….

Coronation Street, ITV1

Things seem to be going from bad to worse for poor Hayley. She thinks things are starting to look up, when her son Christian pops into the café. No he’s not after one of Roy’s fry-ups! He apparently wants to visit Harold’s grave. Obviously, that’s going to be dead, er, tricky, since daddy dearest isn’t really dead. But instead of taking the opportunity to confess all, Hayley decides to use the oldest trick in the book: she tells Christian that he can’t because Harold was cremated.

Roy continues to play the disapproving hubby, and tells Hayley that she cannot build a relationship with her son on lies. State the obvious, Roy! So, forced into a corner, Hayley arranges to meet Christian, so she can finally come clean. But oh my; what a big, big mistake. Their meeting turns ugly when, after learning that his father is still alive (and that it’s Hayley!) a shocked Christian ends up punching her and running off. Tut tut. Didn’t anyone ever tell him it’s wrong to hit girls?! Even if they used to be men!

So there we have it; the truth is out. Hayley is devastated and has a bloody nose and a black eye. And Christian is confused, hurt and angry. Hayley, of course, blames her hubby for insisting she come clean.

And the strain between them starts to get to Roy, when he freaks out after a trip to the supermarket. Let’s hope no one in the café will be requiring eggs with their fry up!

Oh, and Violet is starting to have doubts about whether Sean will make a good dad. You and the rest of us, love!

Eastenders, BBC1

No, still no action on the G.A.Y. front. But Ian Beale is still missing, which is some consolation at least.

Elsewhere, Max turns down Bradley’s offer to be best man at his wedding to Stacey. Well, it would be rather awkward, considering the bride has been having it away with both father and son.

Funniest moment of the week in soapland goes to scary Shirley and her ever-so sleazy landlord, Norman. After Shirl refuses to sleep with the slimy git to write off her debts, she chucks his clothes out onto the street, leaving Norm in just his pants (that’s underwear to us Brits!).

Oh, talk about nasty - I’m still having nightmares!

Emmerdale, ITV1

Paul has other things on his mind than his forthcoming nuptials to Jonny, in the shape of his estranged sister, Nicola. Yes, the woman that would drive any man insane just by the sound of her voice alone, is back! Methinks she isn’t going to get an invite to the wedding of the year.

Oh, and she’s loaded. And dishy David seems to be falling for her charms. Don’t do it, David! She’ll eat you alive and you’re much too gorgeous for the likes of her, anyway.

Elsewhere, Jack decides to take a trip to Brighton (it’s one of the UK’s gayest cities, don’t you know!) to try and save his marriage to Diane. Hmm wonder if he’ll have time to go clubbing?

Hollyoaks, C4

Hollyoaks made for particularly heavy viewing this week. No, alas Craig didn’t return to whisk John-Paul of his feet! The show's other controversial storyline yet again took center stage: Hannah's battle with anorexia. It was hard to watch as her already deteriorating health took a turn for the worse, and her family decided to have her hospitalized before she ended up starving herself to death. Much kudos though, to all involved for their handling of this delicate subject.

If you’re wondering how John-Paul is dealing with the loss of Craig, then I have to say, better than expected. In fact, towards the later part of the week, unlike the rest of us, he appears to be coping okay. Perhaps he knows something we don’t? Maybe there’s a Craig and John-Paul late night spin-off in the works? Oh, if only!

Oh Craig, you sure are missed! But at least John-Paul manages to make a new friend, in the shape of Katy Fox, this week. Yes, just what every gay guy needs: a sexy girl-who’s-just-a-good-friend. Although even if John-Paul did swing both ways, he’d be off his head to want to date a girl who has Warren for a big brother! Still, she does agree to be his date for the Fresher’s Ball. Yay - John-Paul in a sexy tux!

Speaking of the Fresher’s Ball, it’s the perfect opportunity for Chester’s hottest hunks to play James Bond and get kitted out in their tuxes. And my, don’t they all look suave. Accept for Darren. Sorry mate, but the cowboy boots and cowboy hat with a formal suit is sooo not a good look!

Elsewhere at the Ball, a drunken Nancy lays into John-Paul for breaking her best friend’s heart. But their confrontation is nothing compared to the one between Zoe and Jessica. Queue lots of shouting, a few punches and two girls on top of one another on the floor. The look on Darren’s face said it all! If there had been mud, he surely would have been in heaven.

Oh, and Kris is back. He’s the one who likes boys and girls, if you remember. His wardrobe could well give Pete Burns a run for his money!

And so, that concludes this little recap of all things gay related in British soaps. Tune in next time, to see if Christian has managed to forgive Hayley, and if Kris was really ready to come back to Chester – and whether Chester was really ready for Kris…