Gay British Soap Update: October 15

Here’s a run down of British soap goings on that have pinged our gaydar in the UK for the week ending October 14, 2007….

Coronation Street, ITV1

Gay dad-to-be Sean is feeling terribly guilty. No, he’s not stood his hunky new boyfriend Marcus up – heaven forbid! The knicker-stitcher is feeling bad because he wasn’t around when Violet had her baby scare last week. So, he vows to change his ways – that means less partying with the aforementioned boyfriend! – and concentrate on Violet and their unborn child. Violet, on the other hand, doesn’t seem quite so ecstatic at Sean’s plans.

Elsewhere, the Devil that is David Platt got hold of his sister Sarah's wedding invitations and slyly popped one in the post to Sarah’s cheating gay ex boyfriend and Jason's brother, Todd. Let’s hope the Royal Mail isn’t on strike in Manchester – it seems to be everywhere else!

And whilst we eagerly await Todd's arrival, this week we had to say goodbye to the pillar of society that was Cilla Battersby-Brown. After pawning the necklace money bags OAP Frank gave to her before he passed away, Cilla is now loaded - £45,500 loaded, to be precise! And in true Cilla style, she decides to abandon her son, Chesney, and head off for a new life in Las Vegas. Someone really should warn Vegas.

Oh Cilla, you had the morals of an alley cat, but you're going to be very much missed. Guess we'll see you again when the money runs out, in, oh... 6 months?!

Eastenders, BBC1

Tis a sad, sad week in Walford. Dishy Deano decided not to do a runner and so he faced up to his day in court. Alas, it looks like we’re going to be seeing a lot less of Matt Di Angelo (unless we tune in to Strictly Come Dancing!) as poor old Deano is sent down (that means he’s going to prison) for six months! Yes, six months!

On another sad note, Ian Beale was found alive. Not only did he look wild-eyed, thin and well, a right mess, but he was sporting some dead awful facial hair, too. Sinister Steven took his sister Lucy to the eerie deserted block of flats where he had been holding Ian captive. But the family reunion didn't go quite to plan, when Steven pulled out a gun. Luckily, Lucy managed to do a runner and call Ian's wife, Jane. But it was a pity Lucy was able to get a reception, because that call turned out to be a huge mistake. Things went totally pear shaped after Jane turned up, and after a grapple for the gun, Jane fell to the ground, covered in blood.

On a lighter note, I’m starting to like dowdy Jane. Okay, so she has the worst taste in men (and clothes!) But boy, can she swing a mean right hook!

Emmerdale, ITV1

Male strippers and a wedding. Could things be more perfect? Well, yes! Sadly it wasn’t Paul and Jonny saying “I do” but rather that lovable trollop Kelly Windsor and her thick-as-two-short-planks beau, Jimmy King. But in true soap wedding style, Kelly did a runner in a stolen sports car and with a bag full of stolen cash. Talk about a memorable exit!

As for the male strippers... instead of some fit, hunky blokes we had to make do with Jamie, Marlon and Bob! Oh a brighter note, there’s a hunky new copper in the Dales, in the shape of Paddy’s cousin – no, alas not Jason the gay one! – but Ross. Oh, and bisexual Grayson plows ahead with his surrogacy plans. Does he really think a baby is going to solve his marital problems?

Hollyoaks, C4

It’s party time in Chester! Kris, Jessica, Zoe and Zac decided to throw a party to celebrate Kris’s return and John Paul moving in. Unfortunately, the party bearly got out of first gear when, one by one, the students started to fall unconscious! No, it wasn’t the sound of Kris’s whiny voice that sent them all into a deep slumber! It seems that Danny and Jessica’s botched attempt to fix the boiler in the Halls caused a carbon monoxide leak. Eek!

Don’t worry though, John Paul managed to escape unharmed.

Phew! Which is good, considering we’ve got some dead juicy JP action on the horizon to look forward to. Unfortuntely though, it’s not until early next year! And no, before you ask, it doesn’t involve Craig!

And so, that concludes this little recap of all things gay related in British soaps. Tune in next time, to see how Todd’s arrival was greeted by Weatherfield residents...