Catching up with Big Brother

I've realized that, lately, my Fast Forward button is key to enjoying CBS programs. As the World Turns suddenly becomes an entertaining soap opera if my remote zaps away any storyline involving J.J., Alison Stewart or Meg Snyder. Big Brother is also improved if I skip over the parts that largely focus on Dick and Danielle.

The FF button also helps my time management because an ATWT that's just Luke, Noah, Maddie, Henry or Vienna takes under fifteen minutes to watch, a little longer than the last Big Brother episode cut down to just the parts featuring those bit players filling out the Donato family hour. I wonder if this is an early warning about what I'll get if I tune in to Cane to see Polly Walker chew scenery or Viva Laughlin! for the campy musical numbers: lots of fast fowarding.

However, since I want to get caught up I am watching these episodes again, including Dick and Daniele's Diary Room sessions.

I'm tired of looking at these people, though, so this recap will instead be illustrated with soothing pictures of cute animals.

Early into Sunday's episode we learn that Dick is the type of person who defines a lie as ... well, anything that involves him not getting his way. After Jessica wins the Head of Household competition, we see him call Amber a liar because he suspects (correctly, though Dick has been the kind of person who manages a correct guess as often as a stopped clock) Dustin voted differently than Amber told them he would ... because she was totally responsible for making sure he didn't change his mind. He accuses Jameka of lying because she voted for Eric after telling him she was going to vote for Eric. I wonder if he also accuses the weatherman for lying every time he says there's a strong chance of rain and it turns out there's no need to carry an umbrella. Dick add that America is entitled to judge their behavior, suggesting that he'll be vindicated when the show ends; all I can say to that is that I've seen a good number of Big Brother viewers seeking comfort in their memories of the relative enlightenment and integrity of Mike Boogie.

Daniele does get the deliciously unaware moment of describing herself, however, when she says "I hate how I can't talk about anything without crying." Oh, Daniele just add "whining" to the sentence and we'll all be with you on that sentiment. Oh, the poor thing, she haaaates everyone in the house. Wasn't she a fan of the show? How often does someone spend their time on Big Brother socializing with only two or three people and have things to come easy? Her lack of self awareness is on full display when Daniele tries to confront the "Late Night Crew." Daniele asks Jemeka, "What have I done to you?" and then immediately interrupts the response with a "Can I speak for a second, first?" Just like when she went off on Jen a couple weeks ago, she talks over the other person and interrupts them to accuse them of not letting her speak. "Nobody's ever come up to me and says 'I'm sorry that you've had to go through this.' It sucks! It sucks!" she complains. Didn't Jen admire her patience for having lived with her father, only to get called mean for the effort? I was happy to see Jameka call her on her entitled, childish attitude who repeatedly pointed out that Daniele didn't have the right to expect them all to be friends after spending most of her time under the covers with Nick.

The point of giving those two so much screen time, of course, is to emphasize how Dick is a caring father for his formerly-estranged daughter, especially when he talks about sacrificing himself by making himself hated so that he'll be evicted over his daughter. Perhaps I'm grumpy because he uses large amounts of homophobia and misogyny in making himself disliked, but he doesn't transform himself into a generous father convincingly. When he talks about Daniele, it ends up sounding a lot more like he's using her as an excuse to talk about himself.

I've been thinking it over and I think my biggest frustration with Dick's recent rampage is that when a housemate on the UK edition of Big Brother made an offensive comment about gays, she was reprimanded on the show and told that those words were unacceptable in the house. CBS did broadcast Dick's comments over the internet and those internet viewers haven't seen Big Brother express any disapproval outside of Dick telling his daughter that he was asked to tone down his behavior off screen. Though, looking at what did make it onto the show, apparently CBS thinks that it's fine to repeatedly call a gay man "princess."

Oh, well, at least the food competition was on my side. The competition, which involved smashing guitars and rock band costumes meant to get a "Isn't is cute that Dick is such a rocker that he doesn't have to wear a costume?" moment. (Eh, I'd say anyone past forty who's still a rocker and doesn't get mentioned in Spin or Rolling Stone once a year is more pitiful than cute.) Despite working much, much harder at the game, Dick and Daniele's team got put on slop. Ah, sweet karma.

Up until recently, I've been impressed with Dustin's gameplay. He's been strong about keeping his alliance from splintering despite their many "Oooh! Shiny!" tendencies but this week he made one of those incredibly stupid moves that looks likely to get him booted. In a moment of arrogance and anger, he repeatedly suggested himself as a replacement nomination in case one of the nominations was vetoed, fully expecting himself to win with a large majority and being able to offer a speech to rub it in where he describes himself as "the courtesy flush". (Dustin really needs to learn how to gloat effectively. Describing yourself as a courtesy flush? Ew!) I'm starting to think of Dustin as this season's Kaysar a smart player who find his downfall in a moment of utter stupidity.

Jen, who's been a wonderfully subtle manipulator, uses Dustin's offer as a way to get Jessica to doubt her alliance and lose her trust in both Dustin and Eric. See, Big Brother watching Jessica sit in the HoH bathroom, all wide-eyed and muttering "He's in on it -- they both have a deal!" like some soap opera heroine -- that's entertainment. So thanks to Dustin's arrogance and Jen's manipulation, Dustin is now up for eviction against Dick and with the Diary Room campaigning against Dustin, there's a good chance we'll see another week where neither of the two initial nominees go home.