Big Brother Recap: You are so kidding me

Well, we got a one week break from the usual pattern where neither of the original nominees got evicted but last night we returned to the old holding pattern. Once again, it was the replacement nominee who went home this week. This season is getting to be really predictable — that's, what, four out of six evictions to go this way? It feels like we're getting the same thing every week.

Apparently this is the greatest coup in Big Brother history, at least according to Dick. I'm having a hard time buying that. I'll leave that for proper Big Brother geeks to debate, but if that was the greatest coup ever, I don't get how Big Brother managed to survive for eight seasons. I find Nakomis' "Six-finger plan" a more interesting tidbit of Big Brother strategy, even if the plan has now turned into this season's biggest cliche.

So. Anyway. Dustin's out after having offered himself up for eviction. A good part of his mistake was not realizing that one member of his alliance was accused of making "shifty" votes, another couldn't vote and, therefore, his nomination killed his alliance's numbers advantage.

However, I'm still feeling too impatient with these people to scour the internet looking at them to find good pictures. Since she hasn't gotten adequate screen time for my tastes, this recap will exclusively feature pictures of Dustin and the one houseguest who doesn't try my patience, Jen. I'm sure she'll be happy about it and this'll keep me off of the list of people Jen hates.

Dustin did get a few choice words on his way out, though. In the diary room he regrets that they lost the chance to evict Daniele and mock cries "I lost my daughter for the fifth time — or maybe sixth time — in my life." Ha! From all I've heard of Dick and Daniele's history, that fits.

Before Dustin goes, however, the Big Brother producers give Joe a chance to get his last licks in. Once again, the time Dustin walked away from the veto competition with a trip to Barbados and $5,000 is brought up as a sign of how he "only thinks of himself". I know I'm the umpteenth person to bring this up, but isn't there just one winner on Big Brother? Isn't everyone supposed to only be thinking of themselves?

And, more importantly, wasn't Dustin's main concern that Jen's nomination get vetoed, which he accomplished in throwing the competition? I wouldn't be surprised if we were to learn that CBS set an IQ maximum in casting Big Brother contestants. (I exempt Jen from this bit of snark, since she's been dropping hints that she figured out the America's Player for at least a week.) The segment includes the other houseguests grumbling about Dustin, including Zach who jokes "I think we voted out the wrong gay." Yeah, because gays are interchangeable, unlike straight white people. Oh, wait, he's talking about reality television isn't he? He might be right.

I've spent the past few days lurking on Big Brother discussion threads and I've seen a good amount of posters opining about how much they dislike Dick but would rather see the smug Dustin knocked down a peg. I can kinda understand that sentiment but there's a part of me holding back screams of "Are you watching the same footage as I am? Dick can fill a discussion about plaster with implications of how blooming great he is." (And my even less polite side would be tempted to ask if they'd really find a bigoted bully with anger management issues less annoying than a reality show contestant with an overinflated ego, but I realize that's rather bully-ish myself.)

Overall, though, whenever I see justifications for disliking a particular houseguest, I usually see Dick exhibit that trait in spades. I find him more self-obsessed than Jen, more egotistical than Dustin, does a bigger job of playing to the cameras than Eric and relies on being a parent for sympathy far more than Amber. Really, the only complaint made about other houseguests I don't also attribute to Dick is that he doesn't speak in a high-pitched voice like Jessica and he doesn't pray ostentatiously like Jameka. (And, defense of Jameka's religious displays, I hear she uses her religion to help her keep her anger in check, which I can see in some of the recent blowups. I'd rather hear a litany of "praise Jesus" used in anger than Dick's repeatedly calling Dustin "princess."

By the way, isn't it interesting to learn that CBS' standards and practices department has apparently decided that it's acceptable to call a gay man "princess"? I wonder if it'll take hold — the first comment to a YouTube clip of Dustin's Early Show appearance is "That's cause they played your ass out the door, Princess!!")

Speaking of little things that have been irritating me, I keep wondering about that Cathouse Club t-shirt Dick has been wearing. Considering how CBS got grumpy about Will plugging his medical practice last season, I wonder how they're okay with Dick giving the bar where he works some free product placement. Then again, the show filmed there last week when they told the viewers how much Dick's friends loved him so maybe it wasn't an unpaid product placement. (And, perhaps, that's the secret to doing well on Big Brother?)

For the most part, it was "America's Player" Eric who orchestrated Dustin's downfall thanks to the overwhelming support of CBS.com visitors (Dick is now the most popular houseguest with 44.1% of the votes). Y'know, I remember when an expression of homophobia was reality TV producers' shortcut to making someone into a villain, but I guess now we should reconsider if he could still be a nice guy. No, wait, Kail the first person who said that she'd be disappointed if one of her children "chose a gay lifestyle" never did a redemptive arc, even though she ended up being very friendly with Dustin. I guess if one is going to get away with throwing around f-slurs and c-slurs in the Big Brother house, you just need to wait for someone else to say something homophobic first.

The turning point, supposedly came when Eric saw his big opportunity in betraying his alliance, with Dick proposing a new alliance. Dick points out that Eric doesn't doesn't trust his alliance and they don't trust him. I can't help but wonder if Eric remembers that his alliance doesn't trust him because Dick and Daniele accusing him of undermining their alliance all along and plotting one of those incredibly intricate and detailed schemes that these houseguests keep imagining (even though they would never be able to implement any of these schemes themselves).

Eric does (at least) bring up that Dick was gunning for him just a week ago but Dick promises that he and Jessica will be safe if they make a deal. Hey Eric, remember when Dick promised Kail she was going home to the point of telling Jen there was no point in fighting for the veto — y'know during the week that Mike was evicted? Or the other week he promised Kail was going home, but then decided that Nick was sowing chaos in the house? I'm just saying, make sure you don't snore in a way that sounds like backward-masked messages Dick doesn't approve of or anything else that'll set off his paranoia. Dick is as competent a schemer as Will O'Brien, though while Will could worm his way out of his schemes' failures Dick just yells his way out.

(And I won't get into Daniele's diary room session where she says that Dustin is "the biggest phony in the house." Uh, yeah.)

And Eric does make a push on Jessica to get behind the alliance (actually, the live feed recappers noted that Eric made repeated trips to the Diary Room in the past couple days with Eric making a harder effort to pull her support of Dustin after each lengthy session as if the Diary Room was telling him "You're not trying hard enough!" every time) and, well, we know how that Eric is eventually successful.

I have to admit, I'm feeling sorry for Jessica. She came onto the show hoping not to become yet another Big Brother female who gets played by a man and Jess not only got played by a man, she got played by a man who doesn't even have his eyes set on winning the competition, and got sold out so that Eric can get far enough in the game to win a second "America's Player" prize. I wonder if Erica's feeling a little less pitiful since she got sold out for a much larger amount of money.

So. Eric is out thanks to Jessica, who waited until the last minute to direct Zach and Jen to vote against Dustin.

As for the HoH competition, I've only got two comments. One: what a waste of a fun set up. And two: oh, Jen, I so relate. Hell, I've done that at fast food counters, where I say the exact opposite of what I'm thinking.

Anyway, I'm eager to see the wind start to blow in a different direction, as it does every Saturday in the Big Brother house.