Gay TV Recap: Desperate Housewives

Last night we got a little bit of Desperate Househusbands Bob and Lee on Desperate Housewives as well as a good amount of Andrew. After the destruction wrought by the tornado that hit Wisteria Lane in the last episode, the survivors of the disaster (which means everyone except for one minor character and another character who didn't seem likely to last longer than his story arc, anyway) are focused on rebuilding their damaged homes.

Repairs of the Hodges' home is looking in good shape, thanks to a good roofer found through Bob and Lee ... or was looking good. Bob and Lee, it turns out, are consoling that contractor, Walter, on their front steps. After a bad breakup, Walter has learned that his ex has moved in with someone new. The news has hit Walter so hard he won't be able to do any work for a while, all he can do is sit in his truck and cry.

"Tell him to put on his big boy pants and find another girl!" Bree snaps in response, and Lee corrects her assumption regarding Walter's sexual orientation. Bree's seems a bit surprised, prompting Lee to get snarky: "Yes, he can build homes and decorate them. Sometimes God gives with both hands."

Bree suggests that they set Walter up with one of their friends to help him get his "will to work" back, but Bob and Lee explain that most of their friends are "nines" while Walter is a "three", "In the gay world," Lee explains, "a nine doesn't go into a three." Because there aren't any gay men who form relationships based on common interests and personal connections. Sigh.

Since every other good contractor in town is already booked, the only hope Bree and Orson can dream up is to try to set Walter up with the only other gay person they know: Andrew. They invite both Walter and Andrew over to dinner to plenty of awkward conversation such as:

Bree: Walter recently split up with his life partner, Todd. They were gay.

Orson: Small world, huh?

Walter: How is it small, exactly?

Bree: Andrew is also an out and proud homosexual.

Orson: He's here, he's queer and we're used to it.

Andrew: Since when?

Bree: You know what else you have in common? A love of boots. Andrew has some beautiful boots.

Orson: I can only imagine the fun you two would have at the boot shop.

Andrew quickly figures out the plan (because, really, cellophane is more opaque) and drags Bree to the kitchen to ask what she's thinking. He details why Walter is a bad match up and she admits that getting her roof fixed is her motivation. Andrew is initially appalled at the idea, asking if she expects him to sleep with a guy just to get her roof done. Bree counters, "You can satisfy a man's hopes without satisfying them. I've done it all my life." That gets Andrew to agree to Bree's plans, providing he gets a new flatsceen TV for his efforts

Susan, on the other hand, decides to put the scheme to a stop. Not because it seems wrong on so many levels, but because Bree is living in her house during repairs, which of course means dinners of duck l'orange (what no vol au vents, rumaki or a pineapple hedgehog?) and Bree keeping Susan's house amazingly clean. She interrupts dessert to mess with Bree's plan:

Susan : You'll reel something in, you always do. His last boyfriend, Justin, he was so hot. You really do have a thing for the young, ripped muscle boys.

Orson : He did at one time, but Andrew's outgrown it. He's realized the folly of being so shallow.

Bree: Exactly. His tastes have gone to the more mature, cultured type ... like Walter here.

Susan: This is a fix up? Well ... I ... it just never would have occurred to me because of the vast age difference. But, hell, why not? Life is short, it's certainly shorter for Walter.

Bree: Susan!

Susan: Don't get me wrong, you should grab love whereever you find it. Who cares if your friends think you're paying for it.

Bree: Why don't you take this pie upstairs to Julie?

Walter: No, she's right. That's exactly what my friends would think.

Orson: Well, then you need new friends.

Walter: Hey, you know what, you seem like a nice guy and while it'd be great to parade you in front of my ex, I'd be using you.

Bree : He doesn't mind!

Andrew: No! Parade me.

Orson: He's got a mesh tank top that would bring your ex to tears

Walter: As tempting as that sounds, I'm just not ready to date.

Now, I haven't been as irritated with Bob and Lee as much as many gay viewers. They actually got on my good side by immediately being bitchy to Susan, who's become the most frustrating part of Desperate Housewives for me. Sure, they're bitchy and catty but they started out being bitchy to the character who inspires my own bitchy side; I could forgive their stereotypic qualities since they said things I wanted to hear said on the show.

Lee's bitchy comebacks weren't the only stereotypes to be found in this episode, though. With their talk about nines and threes, we got a view of gay men as superficially focused on looks. When Walter struggles to deal with his breakup, we get a melodramatic, weepy gay man who can't function during a personal crisis. Can we get Justin back? He was a bit naive and blind to his boyfriend's faults, but he was a nice guy who didn't distract us with any overwhelming stereotypes.

That said, I do like that Walter was smart enough to avoid what clearly would be a bad relationship. Moreover, I also did like that the focus of the story was on how Bree and Orson are so clueless around gay men. A little bit of humor was mined out of Andrew's awkward attempts at flirting with a guy he's clearly not interested in, but for the most part it's Bree and Orson who are the fools in his story.

This also means that, once again, the gay characters don't get a story of their own, and instead serve the straight characters' story (this time playing the straight man to Bree and Orson's wacky scheming ... and yes, pun intended). Andrew can be a compelling character and Shawn Pyfrom is particularly adept at portraying him as a charming man with a dark side. Desperate Housewives has been in a rut regarding most of its characters with repetitive stories where the characters don't seem to learn from their mistakes. Why not re-energize the show by exploring some of the characters who've sat on the sidelines?

In case you missed it, here are the major scenes featuring Andrew and Walter from last night's episode: