by Lyle Masaki

IMHO "Oprah": Hugh Jackman and Nate Berkus speak out for gay marriage

Friday's Oprah Winfrey Show was another "Fridays Live" episode, with Hugh Jackman stopping by to promote the new Wolverine movie. Discussing current news, Oprah used the weddings of same-sex couples in Iowa to start a discussion on the issue of gay marriage.

While it's no surprise that Jackman would be a supporter for gay equal rights, he turned out to be another straight ally who understands why marriage is an important step (one of many) on the road to equality. But that wasn't the only charming moment in the segment, which also featured gay resident designer Nate Berkus and the always-entertaining Jenny McCarthy.

Jackman compared opposition to gay marriage to the kind of objections interracial marriages faced, but he nicely tied it into a history of changing views about who should have the rights of marriage.

All through history there's been, 'Okay let's not have Catholics and Protestants marry', 'Let's not have people of different races marry' ... Why don't we talk about love and how that's the most important thing in marriage? I've been married for 13 years and marriage takes work and that's the important issue.

Overall, it was a fast-paced segment which included Gayle King pointing out how she and Jackman have both tried to find a way to deny gay rumors without suggesting they would be ashamed of being gay (prompting Nate Berkus to cutely flirt with Jackman, "If you were gay you could tell me. Only me, you don't have to tell everybody else.") as well as a sweet interview with a lesbian couple getting ready for their wedding day.

More interestingly, Oprah noted that some people, including guest Jenny McCarthy, were unaware about Nate being gay until he discussed his partner Brian a few weeks ago. It's not like he's been in the closet — Nate talked on Oprah about losing his partner to the 2004 Tsunami and has discussed gay issues in the past. Thus, it made me think about how we can all end up in our own little media bubbles where the things that are obvious to us have completely slipped under other people's radar (heck, I've had to point out a few openly gay celebrities to my partner months after their big coming-out press tour).

While it's important for us to stand up for our rights, every additional voice of support helps, and well-spoken allies like Jackman, Oprah and Rob Thomas are certainly helping gay marriage go from being an uncomfortable change to the status quo into something that affects everyday people. It's a far cry from throwing insults and calling it advocacy and far more effective at advancing gay rights.

Lyle Masaki's blog

Submitted by

Lyle Masaki

on Mon, 2009-05-04 13:05.

TAGS ::

I LOVE your last paragraph

Submitted by

seanb (1479 points) (306 posts)

on Mon, 2009-05-04 14:41.

Lyle - Great article. I especially love the sentiments of your last paragraph. I don't think it's at all wise to label as bigots everyone who isn't yet fully on board with gay marriage. For example, I had a discussion just today at work with a co-worker who is very left of center on everything, and a TOTAL supporter of me as a gay person. However, he's also a Catholic and has been slow to come around to being fully in favor of gay marriage. But he is the antithesis of a bigot. The subject of gay marriage came up directly in our conversation today. He didn't say anything negative, but it wasn't hard to tell he was at best conflicted. And he said something about how unfair it is to label someone a bigot automatically because they don't favor gay marriage. (I told him that was becoming common in the gay community.)

Anyway, I had a couple of choices of how to proceed. First, I could have gotten angry and called him a bigot and chastized him for his views. Second, I could have talked to him as a friend, and explained why to me gay marriage is ultimately essential for full civil rights. I chose the latter, and went out of my way to avoid seeming to address him personally. I threw in comments about how gay marriage is inevitable, and even former gay-baiting extremist Pat Buchanan now recognizes the inevitability (and does it with a chuckle).

I think back to "Milk", which I just saw again on DVD last week. Harvey saw a HUGE difference between haters like Anita Bryant and the regular folks who just didn't really understand or who hadn't yet been sufficiently exposed to gay people. Remember, for example, the liquor store owner across the street who gave him such a rude welcome to the neighborhood. Later on you saw that same liquor store bustling with gay business that Harvey sent his way. I had the impression the guy wasn't the strongest gay ally Harvey had, but Harvey had swayed him his way to a large extent, not with anger but with patience and example and likely discussion. And Harvey was happy to have him on his side, even if his views weren't 100% what Harvey would have liked.

Harvey Milk saw regular folks as potential allies, as people to be persuaded, as people who just hadn't yet made the full trek down the path to acceptance. They were people to be won over time, not people to yell at and accuse with name-calling. That's how I view where we are now with the gay marriage issue. There are overt haters out there, like NOM, and we should oppose them strongly. But there are also millions of regular folks who just haven't yet made their way far enough down the path. Like Harvey Milk, let's be patient with them and explain our position to them, and let time and social evolution make them our eventual allies. Let's not yell and scream at them in anger. Harvey Milk knew who deserved anger, and who deserved patience, and I'm trying to follow his lead.

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