Queerview television guide: November 3

that he will. Fingers crossed.

I hope he doesn't, unless HE wants to.  I've been following the coverage of him the last few days - and honestly it's very disturbing to me.  For us as gay men to DEMAND somebody come out isn't that far removed from straights demanding they stay in.  It's the same demand with a different outcome.

Do I speculate on who may or may not be gay in my private life and/or with friends?  Absolutely.  But, I would never contribute to outing someone.  EVER.  What many gays probably don't understand is they are making it more difficult for the individual to come out.  The individual is already seeing tons of negativity - including the gay community - before they ever make the announcement.  Also, outing people only reinforces that being gay is salacious and dirty.  Outing is really not handled any differently in the media than exposing someone's affair.  So, outing does NOT serve a useful and productive service.

Finally, I'm in full agreement that this is a PERSONAL decision - regardless of your public stature.  I was a career military man.  In the early 90's, I had to make a terrifying decision of whether to continue living a lie, or lose the only real career I had ever known.  It took me two full years to come to the decision.  Too often nowadays gays tell people "just come out" because they themselves didn't face the prospect of losing things financially and personally. 

That's one of the things I admire about AE.  No speculation.  To everybody out there contributing to this speculation - would YOU want everything about your personal life spread all over the internet?

I have to disagree.  Nobody "requires" other celebrities to come out and be a spokesperson for what they may be going through in their personal life.  Some do, some don't.  But, nobody would ever criticize a celebrity for going through an illness privately (and, no, I'm not equating being gay with an illness), or a divorce privately or a child's issues privately.  We will accept that this is a private time for them (even though we will still read the gossip rags incessently for information).  But, if a gay celebrity decides not to come out - then we think it's our right to make the most outlandish judgements about him, even if he has never said a negative word regarding gays ever.

And, part of the problem of our culture right now is we look to celebrities to be our examples in the first place.  That really has NEVER been a good idea.  Actors/singers etc are doing a job.  That's it.  Some hit it lucky and become famous and rich, but the majority started doing it for the love.  Would we accept that if somebody's passion was to be a doctor - then when they became very successful it was a requirement they come out as gay?  No, but we DO require this of celebrities?

We need to direct our young gay people to look at the teachers, firemen, corporate professionals, lawmakers, small business owners who are gay for their examples of success.   Directing them to look at celebrities is given a false sense of success and can even do damage to their self-image (remember how many young girls fell victim to anorexia because of the unattainable image?).

Being excited when a celebrity comes out as gay is great.  I get that excitement, too.  Fantasizing and lusting after a hot celeb is also one of my favorite pasttimes (but, since it's fantasy, their being gay isn't necessarily a requirement).  But, making full disclosure of their personal life a requirement to celeb is just wrong, IMHO.  Do I WANT celebs to come out?  Of course.  But, do I REQUIRE it?  Absolutely not. 

Actually, had he just confirmed that he was gay (if he is) the minute those pictures surfaced, this would no longer be a story. People are fascinated by something that is being hidden from them. It part of our nature.

Playing coy about it just makes it more of a story.

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