Bravo's "The Fashion Show" doesn't make it work

Memo to Lifetime: Whatever you're paying Tim Gunn for Project Runway, double it. No, triple it. Trust me, he's worth it.

At least that's what I keep thinking after watching the first episode of The Fashion Show, Bravo's knock-off of Project Runway, their flagship show which the network lost to Lifetime after a long legal battle.  

I get why Bravo wanted to replace their hugely popular franchise; I just don't get why they didn't execute it more smartly or reinvent it somehow. In the premiere episode, everything plays out pretty much exactly as you'd expect with the usual challenges, the collection of variously eccentric designers, the runway competition, and the judges parked in their chairs as they pass judgment on the clothes.

There are a few differences, not that they really add much.

Borrowing from Top Chef, each episode opens with a "quickfire" challenge before proceeding onto the main event. And each week, the runway audience gets to vote on the catwalk, though, of course, the judges ultimately decide who goes home. 

Speaking of the judges, there are three regulars (pictured, right) — host Isaac Mizrahi, former Destiny's Child singer Kelly Rowland, and Fern Mallis, a fashion maven best known for creating Fashion Week — as well as a different guest judge each week.

Mizrahi and Mallis are fine if, again, nothing new. But for the life of me, I can't figure out what Rowland's doing on the show. Her resume shows no fashion experience and she brings precious little except looking pretty. 

Both Mizrahi and Rowland take on the Tim Gunn role, strolling around the workroom dispensing advice, though Rowland just nods a lot.  

The show also comes across as being on the cheap side with Mizrahi and Rowland huddling in hallways discussing the designs. I kept expecting a janitorial cart to trundle along and interrupt them. 

That pretty much leaves the show riding on the shoulders of the contestants. Unfortunately, these shoulders aren't up to the job as Mizrahi himself says after the first runway when he expresses embarrassment at how the designers performed. Presumably things will improve, but if there is a Christian Siriano here, I sure don't know who it might be. 

This being a fashion design show, naturally the gay boys are well-represented with six of the eight men playing for Team Gay. Alas, at least in the first episode, only one designer stands out, but it's for all the wrong reasons.

Merlin

His name is Merlin and he's one of the most arrogant, self-important, annoying contestants to come down the pike in quite some time. He wears a different outlandish hat — if not outfit — in every scene that seems designed simply to draw attention to himself. But the real problem with Merlin is that he's a bully. In his introductory video, he claims to be humble, but there isn't an iota of any humility from him in the first episode. Check out this clip where he talks about "male domination"as he pushes around a female teammate.

Merlin also throws around the word "bitch" pretty freely and during the runway judging, even Mizrahi looks like he's horrified by the creep. Another example of his boorish behavior occurs when the designers first take up residence in their shared quarters and Merlin proceeds to perch on the couch wearing only a shirt and his underwear, which rightfully disturbs his roommates.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to share a couch with someone I don't know wearing only underwear unless his name is Jake Gyllenhaal. Merlin excuses his behavior by saying everyone knows "geniuses are a little bit eccentric." 

Whre is Jack Mackenroth when you need him?

Unfortunately, Merlin is the most noteworthy aspect of The Fashion Show and that's not a good thing. If you absolutely need a design to watch, this will suffice. As for me, I'm waiting for the real Project Runway this fall. 

The Fashion Show debuts tonight at 10 PM on Bravo.