IMHO "Brothers & Sisters" (3.18): "Taking Sides"

I knew this episode was in trouble when, in the opening scenes, Kevin went through security at the courthouse while Nora nagged him on the phone about coming to her "meet your half-brother lunch." His response? To leave his cell phone with the security guard so he could talk to Nora instead of Kevin.

This was bad because A) it meant of course we were in for another Walker get together B) we were about to see the Walker children again dodge Nora and C) Kevin just leaving his cell phone was just plain silly like too much about this show of late.

Sure enough, we then get a cavalcade of the Walker children brushing Nora off one at a time. At least Tommy has a decent excuse since he's being arraigned in court for embezzling money from Ojai. And I guess Kevin has to be there to defend him because he's ... oh, right, he's working for Senator McCallister now. Maybe he just wants to be there to gloat to see karma get Tommy back for firing Kevin.

Naturally, Tommy's troubles are being kept secret from Nora for now since we know a big get together is coming. She'll learn the news there and we'll have a big scene of Walkers yelling and carrying on. 

What follows next are a bunch of scenes and storylines I just can't get that involved in. JuBecca are still struggling to keep Holly from coming between them. Good luck with that, kids! Plus we get to see them kiss twice while Scotty is nowhere to be seen. 

A commercial comes on featuring Scott Bailey as hot centaur and I get interested — and a little weirded out by my interest!

Bring him on the show — as a centaur!

But then we are back and have Nora and Ryan together as Nora explains why none of her children — not to mention most of the viewers — want to see him. Wait, she says they just don't have time to see him. Same difference. Well, I still don't want to see him. As a consolation prize, Nora offers to get Ryan his own private tour of Ojai. Woo hoo!

The episode finally picks up a bit when Julia confronts Tommy outside the courtroom after realizing he really is an embezzling scumbag. She speaks for millions of viewers when she says he can't come home and "isn't wanted." We don't see much of her, but now I heart Julia although maybe she could've let Tommy come home one more time and then Lorena Bobbitt-ed him. 

Trust me, Tommy. You don't want to come home!

Then Sarah, Saul and Kevin yakkity yak about the case and I fall asleep for a little while. When I wake up Ryan is meeting Rebecca at Ojai and gets off a great line when Rebecca asks what he's doing there and Ryan says, "Didn't you get the memo? It's take your illegitimate child to work day." Go, Ryan! We then learn "Pears are amazing!"as Rebecca gives him the tour. Hmm, is there a spark here? Might Ryan later get a tour of the rest of Rebeccas fruits?

She looks ripe! I wonder if she has a loser boyfriend who used to do drugs?

A haggard Rob Lowe then appears, rubbing our collective noses in the fact he died but didn't stay dead last week. Kitty and Robert then yakkity yak that he needs to tell his kids he took on the Grim Reaper and won, but he wants to protect the little angels from the truth about how hard life is so they can instead be crushed slowly when he runs for Governor and keeps ignoring them.

Then we've got Sarah and Justin yakkity yakking about Tommy's situation. Justin won't help Tommy because Tommy didn't speak to him when he had his drug problem but Sarah he says he did it out of love. And I change the station out of boredom, but then I feel guilty and change it back because it would be wrong of me to copy someone else's recap and post it here. That's something Tommy would do. 

The better to eat you with, my dear!

Sarah goes to discuss the situation with Holly and I'm hoping for a Holly/Sarah smackdown like we had with Nora/Holly, but it's more yakkity yak. And FYI, Kevin forbade Sarah from doing this, so naturally she does it anyway. Sarah comes off really bad here, ignoring Kevin's advice and making really stupid arguments as to why Holly should drop the charges. 

Then we see Robert taking on his kids at Wii bowling with his disapproving ex and Kitty looking on, causing Robert to quip "This is why I never understood polygamy." Classy, Robert! Kitty grabs the Wii remote and says it's time to play Wii Lorena Bobbitt and Robert runs shrieking from the room. Okay, that doesn't really happen, but we do get this great grimace from Lowe as he Wii bowls.

Not another gutter ball, damn it!

Holly and David yakkity yak about why she is bringing down Tommy and Rebecca shows up and, despite telling Justin she wouldn't interfere, she asks Holly to drop the charges ... not for Tommy but for her, so she can stay with Justin. No, no, no, Rebecca! That's not how you appeal to Holly! Didn't you see The Lord of the Rings? Use the promise of ultimate power to sway her to your side! Yes, first you have to find the one ring, but you'll still have a better shot. 

Then we cut to Kevin and Sarah yakkity yak and Sarah gets off a good one liner when she says "You'd think I'd know what to wear to one of these "meet your half-sibling shindigs by now." Ha! I think the Walkers should all show up dressed like the Von Trapps! That would scare Ryan away but good.

Look! It's Scotty! He's here to deliver some totally pointless dialogue, but he looks cute doing it. 

Luke: Ha, I win this week! I had fewer lines to memorize than you!

By now everyone has gathered to meet Ryan for dinner and I crack up when Ryan comes in and everyone in unison says "HI!" in the most fake voice ever. Later Ryan chats with Sarah and says "I guess history gets rewritten a lot down here, doesn't it." That's two great lines for Ryan. I'm starting to like this kid.

This whole dinner party is really only happening so Ryan can "accidentally" tell Nora about Tommy's arrest, which prompts Sally Field to deliver one of her great emotional scenes that includes her giving Tommy the slap we've all been dying to.

Do it again, but harder!

During this diatribe Tommy pretty much attacks everybody and says so many awful things that if he were my brother, I'm not sure we'd ever get past this. The Walkers should kick him out and be done with him, but I can already anticipate the big family dinner where they weepingly welcome him back to the fold. 

Cut to Ryan and Rebecca yakkity yakking; Justin oversees this and suddenly thinks something is going between the two because that is so logical. 

Then Nora and Saul yakkity yak, blaming each other for what happened with Tommy and accusing each other of being weak and dealing with lies. It's actually pretty uncomfortable and real, but again I'm left wondering how these people are going to actually get along the next time they get together. 

You suck! No you suck!

And then Rebecca and Justin are fighting and wait, wait, are they going to break up? Yes! Yes! Rebecca storms out and goes to Holly and tells her to go after Tommy. Yay, things are looking up!

We cut back to Ryan and Nora who have a nice little scene together, but unfortunately it looks like Ryan is sticking around, meaning even less screentime for Kevin and Scotty. Oy. 

Robert finally sits the kids down to tell them he wasn't just sick, but that his ticker gave out, he threw up a little and collapsed, but it's okay because he's fine now!

Robert: I'm fine kids, really. Let's ... ooh, what's that tingling in my arm? Can't breathe...
Kids: Yay, Daddy is dying after all just like ABC promised!

Both kids go "Boo!" about his being better and say they want a new daddy, and even suggest Rob's brother Chad Lowe as a replacement Showing she's very shrewd, the daughter (whose name I couldn't recall if my life depended on it) points out that ABC can get Chad for a fraction of the cost and with the family resemblance, viewers might not even notice the change.  Then the little boy points out they'd be just as happy for Kitty to stay single so she can sleep with a string of fading names brought in to prop up ratings. He even suggests bringing Steven Weber back, saying the potential conflict between Kitty and Sarah would be great. 

Yeah, I was pretty bored this episode. Can you tell?

We end with Justin going to Sarah saying that all he could think about the night before was using and she invites him to move in. Finally, we cut to Ryan "dropping by" to check on Rebecca who had been this close to calling Justin. She invites him in and thus ends another episode of Brothers & Sisters Mostly Kevin and Scotty Free.

Yes, I'm a little bitter. But it's not just the lack of Kevin and Scotty that earns this episode a down arrow for me. It's because I hardly care about what is going on here. I feel like this Ojai Tommy/Holly thing has been playing on for far too long and, by the way, which of them am I supposed to be rooting for? I don't much like either one. 

Sarah has drifted off into either hectoring people or trying to defend Tommy for some unknown reason, but at least that means she has mostly shut up about Greenotopia. Saul really just shows up to trade accusations with Nora. Robert is hardly at all likable these days as he was lying to Kitty left and right and the only reason he's even around is because he conveniently had a heart attack before she booted him out.

Frankly, beyond Nora and Scotty, there just aren't too many people on this show that I like right now. Maybe the title should be Brothers & Sisters & Other Assorted Annoying Pains in the Ass.