Confusion Over Whether Chris Colfer is Gay or Not

But don't you think that young people (just like grown people) look to role models for all the different ways there is to be gay, not just one particular way of being gay?

Teens aren't stupid.  Yes their brains are different, but all teens learn to think for themselves eventually and gay teens have been coming out of the closet and growing up to be successful happy adults since the beginning of gay (without famous people to tell them how to do it or what it should look like).

I look at NPH, Adam Lambert, Sir Ian McKellen, Alan Cummings, Christian Siriano, and John Barrowman and I see very distinct and individual representations of gay/bi men.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding your point but it feels like you're saying that because young people might look up to them, gay male celebrities have to be or act a certain way or have one particular way of being out and gay.

Most young people look up to people they admire because of who they are. Period. They look to people who they feel a connection to and a kinship with it's not just every random gay celebrity is every gay teen's idol.

One kid's role model with be another kid's "Seriously, him??"

I came out as a pre-teen and I'm 41 now.  I had role models when I was a teen who were famous and gay and role models in my community who were gay but not famous and then there were all the role models  I had who were neither famous nor gay but just good, strong progressive people of all stripes.

Particularly in the world we live now with constant streaming information on the Internet and tv about celebrities, there's always someone in the news who is a role model to someone somewhere.

I don't think teens are as cut and dried as folks are making them out to be.

Yes, as gay people (even as adults) we need to see ourselves reflected in the larger society, in popular culture, in the media.  Yes, we all need someone to look up to.

But the assumption that teenagers will now NOT look up to Chris Colfer now is just conjecture with no basis in fact.

In fact, all the negative stuff people are saying about him here and on the other gay blogs would probably have more of a detrimental affect on what others think about him amongst gays, then anything he said to USA Today.

Most teens may not have even responded to the quote in USA Today the way some of the older folks on this thread have because I don't find gay teens to be nearly as reactionary and knee-jerk when it comes to the sexuality of celebrities.

I would consider all of the men I listed to be my role models (even though I'm older than some of them) for very different reasons.

They are all out and gay and doing their thing their own way and making change in the world by being visible, speaking their mind and giving their time to charitable causes.

But they are all very, very different (even with some of the crossover)

NONE of them have indicated that they want to be role models or conduct themselves in a certain way so as to be a "good" role model for gay youth.  You can't manufacture what teens will admire (though god knows folks try)

In fact, there are probably tons of people who are more conservative who don't think some of the men above are positive role models and plenty of teens who do.

But I still stand but their right to act however they want, to be individuals and to live their lives in the way that makes them happy and if there are young people who find a connection with them or see them as admirable, that's great, if not, that's fine too.

It seems to me that the only thing any celebrity owes to his fans is to be himself and be honest and I don't see any indication that Chris Colfer isn't being himself or being honest.

SOME people read that statement and assumed Chris Colfer wants to be closeted (in part because we are so suspicious about gay celebrities anyway that we are constantly looking for ways in which they are not gay enough or not out enough.

SOME folks read the quote in USA Today and never thought anything of the like.   If the only thing you're basing his being closeted on is that one statement, then I don't think that's fair or accurate (particularly in light of what he just recently said in The Advocate and on Access Hollywood)

If someone is your role model it should be because of how they are, not who we think they should be or what meaning and motives we project onto them.

I would certainly hope that no gay celebrity feels compelled to behave a certain way solely because gay youth might be looking up to them.  

They should be themselves, however that manifests.

Otherwise, what kind of role model are they?

I never intended any derision to you in my post. If you read it in there, I apologise straight away. I read your post as you having no role models - gay or straight - growing up. Hence why I was so appalled when I thought of you growing up so lonely.

But back to role models. When you're growing up, it's the people around you who are your role models. You measure yourself against the people around you. You see the ones you like and the ones who impress you less. You take the building blocks that create you as an individual from the people around you. It's people you grow up with who are the role models you need.

And this is important because to decide to be an open gay man, first you have to be truthful to yourself. It's only when you can be truthful to yourself that you can decide - whenever you want - to reveal that truth to other people. And learning to be truthful to yourself is dependent on the people who've made you, not anyone else.

You're a mentor in a gay youth project and that is fantastic. You're actually being a role model. What you do every day with young gay people is infinitely more important to their self-worth than Chris Colfer, Adam Lambert or anyone else.

I am a lot older than you and I grew up first in a rural part of Ireland and then in an even more rural part of England. Believe me, I know all about the loneliness of being a gay boy. To be a gay man, first you have to be a man.

We're all fallible human beings. The lasting strengths we have as people come from the warts-and-all people who brought us up. Comparing yourself to the artificial constructs of PR-spun public personae of open actors and singers is fatal. You're letting a real young man compare himself to a false construct. That's horrific - if you allow that to happen you're letting a normal human being fail miserably at trying to be a plastic creature created by committee.

So once again, if you're suggesting that Chris Colfer is a better role model than you, you're nuts.

I don't know if you were asking me but I lived in rural Mississippi til I was  a teen then moved to The Bronx.

My childhood/adolescence spanned the 1970s - 1980s

Until I moved to NYC it was a typical Southern Baptist childhood.

I came out when I was 8 and never went back in (despite the difficulties).

My role models varied over the years but I know who the gay folks in my community were (even if I didn't know them enough to speak to them) and when I moved to NYC I made a conscious effort as a teen to find the queers (trust me, they weren't hanging out in my high school).

But it's not like I would have ceased to be gay or not survived adolescence without gays to look up to.   People do it all the time.

But my larger point was that people don't establish themselves as role models, people are chosen by others as role models and there is no  telling who will be chosen or for what reason or by whom.

You can't manufacture that.  Lots of folks here think NPH hung the gay moon but I know tons of gays young and old who just think "Meh!" and don't see hims as a role model at all or even someone to be admired.

So this idea that gay celebrities some how owe it to society to behave a certain way because young people need role models seems to me to defy how the whole choosing of role models actually happens for most people.

I'm sure there are tons of kids who admire Chris Colfer and no amount of trashing him by people here or The Advocate  or other gay media sites will change that. 

In fact, it might even galvanize their appreciation of him.

Most young gays just don't have the same kinds of hangups, fears, baggage or expectations when it comes to how celebrities identify sexuality wise.

Even gays who live in rural communities can turn on their television and see gay people (and they don't even need cable).

And despite what folks here say, the number of "stereotypical" gays who regularly appear on tv for the last decade or more is minimal to none.

I still don't accept that David E or The Advocate get's to decide what Chris Colfer meant in that quote and I simply interpreted it differently.