Edward Albee on love, loss, and life

Long after most folks his age have settled down into a nice retirement home in Florida or Arizona, playwright Edward Albee is still going stronger than men half his age. Which isn't to say growing older (he's 79) hasn't altered the three time Pulitzer prize winner. In this past Sunday's New York Times Jesse Green talked with Albee about the four ongoing and upcoming productions of Albee's works in New York (including Peter & Jerry which opened Sunday and is reviewed here.)

I saw Albee speak years ago at a conference for gay writers in San Francisco. He struck me as a no nonsense fellow, reserved and rather austere and definitely willing to say exactly what he believed even if it made him wildly unpopular. That definitely comes through in the interview, but when Green and Albee talk about the recent death of of Jonathan Thomas, Albee's partner of thirty-five years, a different side of him emerges.

“I was expecting to die way before Jonathan did,” Mr. Albee said. “He was 18 years younger than I was, and the whole idea was that when I got to be my age, he’d be taking care of me, you know? But life doesn’t always work out the way it’s supposed to.” Mr. Thomas died in May 2005, at 59.

“I couldn’t write for a long time,” Mr. Albee went on. “I mean I didn’t feel like it. One thing I learned was that grief is easily turned into self-pity. Yes, someone that you’re with is fading, going out of focus. But, my God, if we ever lose sight of the fact that they have had the greater loss, then we’re being selfish and self-indulgent.”

He shivered with disgust at this common human emotion, and after a moment I asked, “Are you lonely?”

“Lonely?” he said. “Oh hell, I miss Jonathan a lot, and there are times that I wish I had somebody there in the bed with me, but I’ve not been able to bring myself to want that. The mourning never ends; it just changes. But then I got back into a feeling of usefulness, which helps. In fact I wrote the second act of ‘Me, Myself & I’ in deep grief, but I didn’t let that change the play. It’s a cold response, perhaps, but ——”

“You wouldn’t want your reputation ruined,” I said.

“Not for a second. And, you know, we had such a good, long relationship: nearly 35 years. That’s a long time, a life in itself. Of course that makes it worse, but at the same time you can’t just say, ‘How dare you go away from me?’ — which is an attitude that a lot of people get. ‘How dare you die!’ There’s got to be a lot of ‘Thank you’ too. ‘Thank you for being alive and being with me for so long.’”

He paused for a moment, to catch his voice. “Oh, I’m getting too emotional here,” he said. “I don’t like to cry in front of people.”

Here is the only pic I could find of Albee with Thomas. (Photo by Jill Krementz.)

Albee's a fascinating fellow that every gay boy should know at least something about. It's a terrific interview. Check it out.